I think it's high time I posted an update here. To be honest I don't know who still reads my blogs anymore. It seems like all the people I once knew here at GS have either left or moved on to bigger and better things. I guess this post is mostly for my own benefit, to get my thoughts out in some way.
I was just going through the list of my older blog posts and it's very interesting in a way to see the changes I've undergone in my life. I have been on GameSpot for close to 11 years now. 12 if you count the year or so that I was lurking in the shadows and just reading other people's posts. I am 26 years old now. 11 years ago I was 15, just a boy. I have gone through hard times, and some really great times as well. I have grown so much in that time and it brings a smile to my face when I can juxtapose the differences.
In a way though, it's very bittersweet. I miss being a young, naive, carefree kid. I miss spending my nights chatting with complete strangers about our shared love of gaming, and (at the time anyway) wrestling, and whatever else was the most important thing in my life at the time. I also bared my soul here on occasion and these same strangers were here to lend a hand. They walked with me. But I don't mean to reminisce in the past. Life has a forward path and so I have to keep evolving.
Today I graduated from my Master's program. I spent the last 14 months of my life going through a grueling and intense program filled with long nights studying and so so many assignments. I felt like I didn't have a life at times. Like I couldn't even really see my friends or family. But then again, the people around me in the program became friends, and even family. And so today was another bittersweet moment. A happy time because I finally feel free of my school shackles, but a sad time because I don't expect I'll ever see some of these people again.
It gave me an opportunity to think back at the past year and I have had good times and bad. I have gone through some heartache, some soul searching, and even some dark times, but with it the hope of a promising future, and maybe even a new budding relationship. I am in love again and I am trying very hard to make something happen. It's not easy for me anymore to open my heart up to someone else, but it's a necessary risk in life. I've come to a certain cross roads in my own life and I realize that if I don't propel myself forward, I will always be standing still. I don't know that everything will be ok, but I am going to make an honest effort of it.
And so I graduated today. I walked across the stage, received my fake diploma (the real ones get mailed months later apparently), shook a few hands, posed for a few pictures, and eventually when all the goodbyes were said, I was on my way. Goodbye school. Goodbye tension, fear, stress. Goodbye friends. Again, bittersweet.
I am up right now contemplating what to do for the foreseeable future. Apply for jobs and start a new career. Sit for the CPA exams so I can add even more letters to my name (I'm up to BS and MBA now). Eventually within the year, I would like to have moved into my own place. And with a little bit of luck and a lot of exposing myself to the elements of heartache, I would like to be in a relationship again. Those are my goals in life right now. For the most part, I think they are perfectly achievable. Tough, but no challenges I haven't faced before.
I've also decided to finally start writing again. I am up to a measly two pages right now of my so called new novel, but I poured a significant amount of myself into it and I think it's gold so far. I'm not yet sure about where I want to take my story. So far I've been free flowing and writing things that are coming naturally from my mind. It's an interesting way to write, but the results are equally fascinating. I suppose whatever I end up writing will come to me on its own. Who knows, maybe one day I will be a successfully published author. That would really be something, wouldn't it?
Anyways, my life so far has taken a very positive turn. Looking back and seeing who I was, and who I've become today, I can honestly feel good about it. I have come to realize that life moves in different directions. Sometimes those directions lead us to bad places, but as the great Led Zeppelin have etched in history, there's still time to change the road you're on. Do what makes you happy. Do what makes you of value. Take charge of your life, put yourself out there, and live! That's what I've learned this past year. That's what I'll use this next year to keep moving forward.
I'll leave you with this final remark. [Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value. – Albert Einstein]