Writing this article because there doesn't seem to be much literature on the net from this point of view.
I'm a social work who works in homes and school with autistic children. Over the years I've noticed a trend (if you will). I've noticed the many of the children on the spectrum I've worked with show lots of potential/progress, but many times it appears the parents give-in or baby their child. Its understandable to a degree since their child has a severe developmental disability. However not placing any demands on a child or babying has dire consequences.
One example is a mother who choses to only give her son whatever he wants to eat and never giving non-preferred alternative choices. In the school and home.
The result?
One day the child goes to school and the chicken nuggets look different. His reaction? Utter hysteria. The naturally throws a tantrum because he is accustomed to getting whatever food he wants. This would be ok in another world where you could control for this every single meal. But unfortunately changes happen, and often we need to adapt.
The mistake these parents make is giving the child what they want, ultimately reinforcing the negative behaviors.
I've had clients where I've made lots of progress in the school setting but then plateau. Once I go to the home setting I see the inconsistencies which are the cause. To make progress the child needs the same degree of discipline across all settings with all authoritative figures.
Parents find this difficult and may call it 'mean' to enforce certain lifestyles on their children. Sadly they fall short and don't follow through to avoid a tantrum because its too difficult. I may not be a parent, but I do work with these children many hours a day. There have been many times where I've thought to myself 'whatever, just let him have this/do that' it would be easier, but I don't. I refuse to because the moment you give in you communicate to the child this is OK or a method to get what they want.
If you google autism and parenting there are many articles, blogs, and stories of parents explaining how they feel judged being the parents of an autistic child or how people blame autism on bad parenting. While the former statement is valid and the latter inaccurate there is a lack of first hand information addressing the parenting which reinforces maladaptive behaviors.
At the end of the day your child is still a child, not a baby if he's 8,9,10 years old. He may have a different way of communicating, have difficulty with transitions, or have repetitive behaviors. But that does not mean he should avoid all challenges in life.
Hopefully this reaches some of those parents out there and helps to give another perspective on this subject. :)
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