luckypool04's forum posts

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luckypool04

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#1 luckypool04
Member since 2004 • 1556 Posts
Thanks everyone for commenting on my poem. Its always nice to hear a little critism of my work. :)
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luckypool04

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#2 luckypool04
Member since 2004 • 1556 Posts

Hey. Nice poem, a little repetitive at parts (you may wish to look at that), and you're going to want to look over your punctuation (as you've decided to use it), since at the moment it reads as though there should be multiple sentences, but you've only one period. Now, I'll tell you about poetry.com. It's a scam. Everyone and every poem gets put into books (unless you decide not to purchase said book, in which case your poem will not be found). poetry.com is what the industry calls an "author mill". Everyone becomes a "finalist" and is asked for their permission to be put into a book, and then offered to buy their own work back for a ridiculous price. If you've ordered the book, start flipping through it (past the fist page where they put your poem) and reading the "poetry" of the other finalists... You'll find that a lot of them are really, really horrible. Everyone falls for the author mill a couple of times, myself included. The owners of poetry.com have a number of outstanding lawsuits against them, but as they keep jumping state every couple of years, they've had some difficulty getting them to court. On the bright side, I've always found the Poetry in Motion feature of the site a nice little daily challenge, but I don't submit there either, it's as much a scam as the rest of the organization. If you clean your poetry up a little bit, I'd suggest sending it in to some parenting magazine. Check out their submission requirements before sending it though. Chances are pretty good that they'll publish it, and actually pay you some coin.Rintaran

Well thanks for telling me Rintaran, it just so happens that i got the poem book the Yesterday and had no idea it was a scam. Well i guess i can either return the book for a refund or pay for it. I think i will probably refund it but i will see what happens (since my mom only paid for a down payment on it).

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luckypool04

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#3 luckypool04
Member since 2004 • 1556 Posts

Casey my nephew, was a premature baby, so he had a hard time actually making it into this world. My family have sacrificed alot for him but it has all been worth it. Casey went into the hospital only a day or so after my birthday of November 2nd and did not get out until around the end of January. Casey became very sick with a couple diffrent virus's. The doctors did not believe he could make it and around the middle of November, most of my family did not have such high hopes but he surpassed our expectations and the docters very far. I wrote this poem for him because i wanted to write a poem and i needed somthing for my writing **** When i gave it to my teacher she asked me right away if i had copied it from some source but i said "no".  She could not believe it and my family were also very impressed, so i tryed putting it in a poetry contest online. Which i did not win (although they said i was a finalist) but i got it in mine own book with tons of other poets. Its actually on the first page of the book.

________________________________________________

The Invincible Casey

Hanging on by a thread

Just to see the world ahead making progress but still no sound

Casey slumbers yet fights with courage

So don’t give up Casey, don’t give up

He was born real small but fought through it all

A nephew, a son, a grandchild, a great-grandchild

Small he may be, yet Casey is filled with a lot of heart

A scream, a laugh, a smile

Casey is full of joyful eyes, all-the-while

A night may come,

When he becomes sick again

But Casey fights it through the end

A day may come

When he’s hurt or scared

But we’re there for him until he feels better again

Somewhere somehow

There are angels watching over him

Who guard his soul

Who breathe life back into him

Who make him better again

With the slightest sign he fills us with hope

Until we see his smile

We shall forever wait,

For the angels final call,

And send him back home

To see his merry smile

To love his laughter

All the while

We long for Casey’s enthusiastic presence

As we celebrate Christmas spirit.    

____________________________________________

 

What do you guys think?

 http://www.poetry.com/

 

 

 

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luckypool04

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#4 luckypool04
Member since 2004 • 1556 Posts
Hello, my names Jesse and im From Hell (Seriously in Arizona its like living in an Oven!). I love gaming, softball, reading, politics (im cereal, i love politics and being informed about whats happening in the world), somtimes poety and i like doing some other stuff too :P
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