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jrgreenmd Blog


Beach with

I'll be on vacation untill August 26th at least.

If you submitt to a peron or show I edit, the submission may be edited by TV.com staff. Please be nice to them.

To all, have a great time,


National Icon Downed By Chain Saw

Starkist's Charlie The Tuna

A national icon was downed by misguided youths with chain saws. The Oregon Chainsaw Massacre occurred last week as the eight-foot Monterrey cypress sculpture of Charlie, "that used to greet visitors to the coastal fishing town was filleted by two young men who stole it as a prank and then, panicked they would be found out, took chain saws to it."

Link: Men fillet Charlie the Tuna statue in Oregon

Where are PETA and the vegans? Where is the main stream media when a national hero is gone? Where are the tree-huggers when this majestic cypress statue met its death by chain saw?


PS: In a related footnote, Paris Hilton was seen with a unknown tuna.

Smells Fishy : Paris Hilton With Dead Tuna

The Meaning Of Words

One of my "Pet Peeves" is the misuse of words. Individuals all make mistakes, but increasingly the misuse of words is not a typographical error, slip in spell check, ... etc. Take this story as an example:

Link : Judge Compliments Sex Offender Before Rendering Guilty Verdict

Put aside the obvious incredulous nature of a compliment to a sex offender and consider this line, "I have to come to the conclusion that you are either the wisest guilty man or the guiltiest wise man in the county."

The flasher may have defended himself well, but that is unlikely "wisdom." Remember the phrase, "A individual who defends himself has a fool for a client?" "Skill" is not "wisdom."

These words and phrases are not identical in meaning:

a. intelligence - an intellectual capability, think I.Q.
b. knowledgeable - the accumulation of facts, skills, ...
c. wisdom - knowledge is acquire by experience and age and is accompanies just judgment
d. common sense - the practical judgment that is independent of specialized knowledge, training

Thus the pervert in question was intelligent enough to learn the law and knowledgeable enough of the law to defend himself, but lacked the wisdom to get a defense lawyer and the common sense to not get caught flashing again.

The Judge lacked the common sense to not compliment a sex offender.

The Florida Bar, the Judge would seem to imply, lacked the intelligence and knowledge of a pervert.

Florida must be so proud.

World's Dumbest Criminals Part I

What has happened to the country? In a high technology world how does one explain these :

First, one would expect robbers to know the tools of the trade. Not this guy:

Link : Bank Robber Holds Gun Backward During Crime

Any small child who has formed a pistol with his fingers knows the barrel is pointed away, but not this MENSA candidate. With all the money spent on the prison system, one can only conclude common sense is not in the curriculum.

Second, is showing up for a robbery in drag considered a disguise? This "guy" thought so; I use "guy" loosely here:

Link : Drag Queen Robs Burger King - Man Climbed In Takeout Window

Wouldn't a guy in a dress be easy to spot? In addition, if one is in high heels and a cocktail dress, would one really choose to climb in the drive-though window?

Lastly, does it really help do place your monkey in drag too? I often wonder if dressing up animals is criminal, but dressing an monkey in drag is definitely a crime. ( see below )

Soon to be in a crime show, Drag Monkey!

drag queen monkey

Does Your OS And Browser Indicate Your IQ?

IQ Graph

Here is an interesting article that would seem to indicate one's choice of operating system (OS) and Internet browser is related to one's intelligence quotient (IQ).

Link : Smartest Browser and OS

The smartest would seem to use a Apple Mac PC with Mozilla. The least intelligent would seem to be Windows users. Windows 98 with Explorer rolls in at five points below normal IQ.

What's next IQ based on OS and browser choice versus hair color? Do Windows blonds have an IQ proportional to hair pigment?

What about people still using WebTV and MSNTV? Are their IQs at moron level?

What about AOL users? Is there brain function?


A Pine Box To Die For!


This is a twist on the old shop cla$$ now vanishing from schools, casket cla$$ Students build their own casket as a cla$$ project. This definitely will not be cla$$ified as a "life skill."

Link : Cla$$ Allows Students To Build Their Own Casket

The student in the story had liver cancer and two years to live. One can imagine this as a shrewd budget move, but it is still a bit creepy. In Karla Stromgren's words, "I wish I had done this earlier in my life ... It's not too late." Exactly when and how much earlier Karla? A casket is not something you exactly keep next to the coffee table.

On the other hand, this cla$$ may be a hit with the vampire set, the Goth. set, .... and the modders (see below). Let's hear it for public education!

I'll pass on it for now as I am dead tired.


Casket Car

Casket Car

The Great American Invention?

Who says ingenuity is dead? Here are two inventions that seem to indicate there is still some creativity even if it is a bit warped.

Stripper Spiked Heels With Built In Tip Compartment

Stripper Heels With Tip Slot

I guess strippers have a problem finding a place for all that cash they plan to report to the IRS. Pockets must be scarce in the profession because these pumps come with a tip container. Not since the Apollo moon shot has technology been put to such a essential use.

New Relief for Pilots? It Depends

Pilot Shorts One Can Pee In

Speaking of moon shots, here's the shorts for the pilots. Yes, shorts one can "pee" in. Yes, shorts that take the "P" out of "pilot." These shorts allow pilots to pee in their pants. I suspect there will be a run on these at Florida War Surplus stores right after "early bird' specials.

No cure for the common cold, no endless power source, no answer to how to go to Mars, but how could one live with out these? ;)


Get Your A$$ Out Of Jail!

Donkey In Jail

There has been many a comment that there was an "a$$" in jail; this time it is a donkey. The donkey in question kicked two men near a ranch in Chiapas state of Mexico. The police put the donkey in the local jail for assault and battery, and it will remain there "until its owner agrees to pay the men's medical bills."

Link : Mexican donkey jailed for ornery behavior

The donkey is alleged to have bit Genaro Vazquez, 63, in the chest, and kicked 52 year-old Andres Hernandez fracturing his ankle. "All of a sudden, the animal was on top of us like it was rabid," Hernandez said. Police claimed it took a six men to control the future inmate.

The jail usually holds human who are arrested for drunkenness or public disturbances. However, the jail is not new to non-humans. "Chiapas police have thrown animals in the slammer before, including a bull that devoured corn crops and destroyed two wooden vending stands in March. In 2006, a dog was locked up for 12 days after biting someone. His owners were fined ... $18."

"Around here, if someone commits a crime they are jailed, ..." Gomez said "... no matter who they are."

There is no word on who the donkey's lawyer will be. The ACLU does not usually operate in Mexico. That would seem to leave PETA and Amnesty International.


Specieism, Dog Of Discrimination

It is the mantra of the modern world that no deficit seems to great to prevent one from an occupation, but what about Bilbo?

Link : Lifeguard dog sacked

Bilbo has proven qualified by saving at least three lives on his beach duties in England, but poor Bilbo lacks one skill. He can not been certified in CPR.

Bilbo has been "relieved of his duties by the Royal National Lifeboat Institution" because, "He would fail the resuscitation test." In addition it appears dogs will be banned on the beach.

It is strange in a world where street signs are modified for blind drivers that there is no common sense for a canine who saves lives. Dogs can be trained for the circus; isn't it worth a special course in paw chest compression? Paramedics are issued human and animal masks for "mouth to mouth;" doesn't Bilbo deserve a "canine to human" and "canine to animal" set of masks?

Isn't "Man's best friend" worthy of the chance to become "A Man's best chance?"