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jakob_187 Blog

Stop Uwe Boll Today!

As many may have already heard, Uwe Boll has basically offered a challenge to stop his horrid movie-making.


This is the online petition that needs 1 million signatures in order for Boll to finally give up on ruining video game-to-film translations, as well as wasting all that film stock he uses.

The man uses German tax shelters and cheap movie rights to line his pocket with tons of money, and it's just downright criminal.

What Makes A "Real Game"?

I troll the forums here on Gamespot and elsewhere rather often, and the one thing I think I hate seeing more than ANYTHING is comments like what I saw about Mario and Sonic at the Olympics selling 5 million copies collectively:

"That game sucks" and "people will buy $h!t" and "Nintendo caters to stupid people"

Look, guys...all you little trenchcoat-wearing dual-pistol-wielders....lemme explain something to you.

In the beginning...you were lucky if an arcade game lasted for 2 minutes. You'd pump your entire allowance into a machine JUST to get to level 5 in Donkey Kong. Once consoles came out, you could increase the play time...but guess what? Super Mario Bros. can STILL be speed run and beat in 5 minutes.

Do you know where Gears of War will be in 5 years? Extinct. Dead. Non-existent. Halo? A meer memory. Trash. Not good enough for the mud on your shoes. MEANWHILE...Mario will be considered a God still...Sonic will still be trying to get a good game made out of him.

So much focus has been put on "story". Did I need a story when I was beating the snot out of Scorpion? Maybe a small snippet, MAYBE, but otherwise...NO!!! Did I need something bigger than "oh, the Princess has been kidnapped AGAIN, and you have to save her"? NO!!! You know why? It was about this little thing called G A M E P L A Y! Most of these games out there, sure...they are cool...for a couple weeks. Condemned was a beautiful looking game with some solid gameplay...for the time it came out. I plugged it in yesterday, and it's virtually extinct already. It looked dated. It felt sluggish. It just wasn't the same anymore.

However, I can plug in Ghosts 'n' Goblins, and man...that is STILL a challenge after all these years.

So, the question I present is this: what makes a "real game"? All I hear people saying is "I wonder when (insert publisher/developer here) is going to make a REAL GAME" or "Nintendo needs to get some REAL GAMES on their console". Well, you know what I think makes a REAL GAME?

It doesn't take 100 hours of gameplay, 10 hours of cinematics, Unreal Engine 3, advanced physics engines, Havok, Ageia PhysX cards, HDMI cables, or even an a-typical but slightly off-kilter lead character.

A "real game" is something that I ENJOY PLAYING! It's something that, sure...it may be a little buggy, it may be a little iffy...but dammit, I'm laughing...I'm chatting with others...I'm having FUN! Whether it's sniping some dood from at the Square from the Hotel in Karkand to putting my Vengeful gear to good use in WoW...whether I'm bowling on a virtual lane in Wii Sports or I'm tossing cows in Rayman: Raving Rabbids...as long as you HAVE FUN, then who is to say what a "real game" is?

By all means, kiddos...keep your "interactive experiences"...because that's what they are. Mass Effect...Grand Theft Auto...Half-Life...those are "interactive experiences". People have lost track of what a GAME truly is. If you want the last great GAME I played...then check out Calling All Cars by David Jaffe. Check out Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords. Check out Mario and Sonic at the Olympics. I like my WoW and my BF2, and I've been digging Frontlines and No More Heroes a lot also...but when it comes to REAL GAMES....

....well....who am I to tell you what a REAL GAME is? =D

The Underestimation of Puzzle Quest

I recently picked up Puzzle Quest for my Wii. I'm trying to figure out why this isn't a top seller. I'm trying real hard to think of a reason. It's an immaculate package...although it can end rather quickly.

That doesn't mean there aren't a million side quests and things to do in the game, mounts and enemies to capture...and plus, the puzzles are always fun.

Despite that...it makes me wonder why people keep underestimating the power of good games that don't look next-gen...or the ones that don't seem like they are aimed for an adult audience because they aren't marked with an M rating or feature some dood's scrotum being used in a puzzle (c wut i did thur, Manhunt 2?).

I've enjoyed MySims...I've enjoyed Elebits...I've enjoyed Geometry Wars Galaxies...I've enjoyed Puzzle Quest...and honestly, I've played them more than Super Mario Galaxy and World of Warcraft combined lately.

Gerst Getting Canned - Death of an Era of Integrity

So obviously, the big news over the weekend, aside from waking up Monday to the Activision-Vivendi merger, was that Gamespot editor Jeff Gerstmann was canned after 11 years at Gamespot.

There are tons of rumors flying around as to why.

I just wanted to say a few words, and hopefuly G-man will see what I've got to say.

I used to run BonusStage.com, and during my run at that site as Editor-in-Chief, I really didn't like any other gaming site or magazine. Why? They were the competition...the competition of opinions, if you will. We felt our opinions on games were better than theirs, and while we were small, I'm sure one or two Gamespot people checked out our site as some point (I'd like to think so) and said the same s***.

"These guys are quack jobs."

It's an industry thing. Regardless, while I was there, I could trust that two editors at Gamespot, Jeff and Brad, would always steer ya straight and give you the honest truth.

That's just what Jeff did, and in turn, corporate at CNET apparently used Jeff to make an example of what happens when you f*** with their piggy banks.

Gamespot employees...it sucks that corporate has cost you a reputation that you built for yourselves. I wish you the best of luck.

In all honesty, though...I'd tell the f***ing sales team to shove it and start writing the damn reviews themselves. Get Greg or Josh from CNET to start typing away.

I've dealt with the propaganda that can be thrown at you from advertisers before...but they don't sway a decision. Don't lose your integrity. If you have to rate Metal Gear Solid 4 a damn 5, do it. Don't lose your balls, guys.

More Random Rants

So, a lot has happened since I last wrote a blog on here.  Let's go over some of these things and get to the nitty-gritty of WHY these things are significant, and maybe you'll learn something in the process:

 1.  GTA IV trailer finally went live.  Whoopty-doo.  It was a next-gen graphics city that...funny enough...looked spot on like NYC.  So, any clue how much that pisses me off?  Look, I can respect Rockstar all day and night for how much innovation they offered into creating a new form of game (the sandbox genre, which has been way too played out over time).  However, I'm getting sick of this franchise rewarding people for killing innocents and harming those that don't need to be.  When you look at a game like Crackdown, where it is strongly discouraged, why does a game like GTA really need to do this?  Controversy...and frankly, I don't wanna buy into it anymore.  So...f*** GTA.

 2.  Rock Band is coming out sometime, and I'm psyched.  This is a very big deal, because thanks to games like Guitar Hero and DDR and even Taiko Drum Master or Karaoke Revolution, we've seen a resurgence of games that go beyond the game and focus on my second favorite thing: music.  It's also significant because it proves that peripheral-based games can be very successful in a gaming industry surrounded by consoles and computers.  Viva la Harmonix!

3.  Supreme Commander is the new black.  This game takes everything we knew about RTS games for the past 10 years and does what needed to finally be done:  made it all better.  To go against that, Command & Conquer 3, for some reason, keeps getting played more, though.  I think it's because of this:  while SupCom has amazing features and great in-depth gameplay, C&C 3 features games that don't necessarily last for 3 hours!  I want a quick pick up game most of the time, and C&C 3 does that for me.  But, congrats to THQ and EA for two more killer RTS games to keep me occupied when I'm not playing WoW.

4.  NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams - FINALLY, WE GET A F***ING SEQUEL!!!  It's about time, and upon hearing that we'd be getting a sequel to this classic, I realized that I had mixed reactions.  For instance, here's a sequel I had wanted forever:  a follow-up to Brave Fencer Musashi.  Finally, we got it in the form of Musashi Samurai Legend...and it sucked.  Looked cool, but it sucked.  I couldn't believe it.  Regardless, this makes me want to list the games I want to see continued in franchise form:  Vagrant Story, Dark Cloud, Rogue Galaxy, Disgaea, Freedom Fighters, and Supreme Commander.

 That's all for now.

Been A Long Time

I don't keep this thing updated very often, but mostly because I'm a comment troll on here.  Regardless, figured I'd throw this out there for all the noobs in the audience.

Get over it.

That's right, get over your wishes for Sony's console to take a dirt nap.  Get over your wishes that Nintendo's console might do the same.  Get over Halo 3 beta, because it's not gonna be that much different.  Get over Blizzard's income and how you keep feeding them money.  Get over game delays, because they are trying to make these original IPs worthwhile.  Get over rehash material that EA and Ubisoft shove down your throats year after year.  Get over your Gamerscore, because the higher it gets, the more we realize you don't do a damn thing.  Get over the Burning Crusade, because level 70 still doesn't beat Laharl.  Get over all the idiots that post their ZOMG1337SAUCENOOBPWNCAKE comments, because if you are just talking trash back to them rather than educating, you aren't that much better.

Go drink some Brondo and live in a Mike Judge-created world, because that's where you are heading.  Until you start reading carefully, listening to the right information, and make a decision for yourself rather than biting off someone else, then your opinion is worth about as much as a hooker on Elm Street.

Nintendo WHEE (Or How People Pulled Their Heads Out Their Rear Ends)

So E3 is over, and all I'm hearing now is "Nintendo Wii".  It's a funny thing, given that no one could pull their heads out of their butts long enough to see how incredible this system would be long ago.  People were blinded so much by PS3 and 360, it seemed like Nintendo didn't have a chance because people cared more about the "HD Era" and graphics.  Now that people have gotten their hands on the damn thing, people finally are getting on the bandwagon.

I've been behind Nintendo 110% since the announcement of the Revolution.  I loved the Gamecube, and thought in terms of game quality, it offered more to the gaming industry than PS2 or Xbox.  Xbox wouldn't have survived if they didn't have Live, and on top of that, if they didn't have Halo.  That's all they've got going for them...still!  Sony has to rely on Blu-Ray and cutting edge graphics to drive their games.  Then, you have the Wii, where controls will be surpassing the PC-standard mouse and keyboard feel.  It's been ingenious since day 1.  The idea of having controls that work well for once, where movements are natural...AND PEOPLE WERE BEHIND SONY AND MICROSOFT?  Don't get me wrong, I want a PS3 as well.  I just don't see how so much trash-talk could be thrown at Revolution.

Wait, I'm sorry....Wii.  Yes, like all of you, I thought the name was alienating and horrible at first, but the more I hear it, the more I like it.  After watching all the hands-on footage coming from the show and seeing how much fun people were having with the game, and how pretty much ANYBODY could play the game, I'm convinced that it's the best name for the system.  Like Reggie said, "It's about inclusion".

However, all these people that are like "OH, that looks SO cool!" are really pissing me off.  All these people that did nothing but talk solid trash towards Nintendo, crying and whining about how they couldn't take a good game with non-photo-realistic graphics...man.  I mean, honestly, you people disgust me.  You know who you are, and you'll deny talking bad about Revolution until the very end.

All I want to say is when people are out there buying a Wii the day it comes out, look in the line and realize that about 80% of those people wouldn't have been there otherwise.

The Idiocy of Euro Force

So, if you didnt' guess already, I'm a massive BF2 fan.  Sure, my time lately has been dedicated to WoW, but regardless, I still play it.  With the release of Euro Force, I'm not really sure if I want to continue playing it.

For those who aren't aware, Euro Force is only available through EA Downloader, which is already a 2 hour install pain in the ass.  However, the software is account and PC specific.  Let's break that down into a little "math equation", shall we?

Bob downloads Euro Force on PC 1 and Mike downloads Euro Force on PC 2.  Bob plays Euro Force on PC 1, but it gets some kind of random Windows error and he has to restart it.  Mike has finished playing Euro Force, so Bob sits down to play on PC 2.  When Bob tries to log in on PC 2, Euro Force assets don't work for him.  Mike tries to log in on the freshly restarted PC 1, and he finds out he cannot use Euro Force assets as well.

Get the picture?

Here's my beef.  What if this becomes an industry standard?  Account and PC specific downloads?  It kills a lot of the overnights you spend at your friend's house, wishing you could play on his high-end gaming rig.  It really kills the LAN center and internet cafe industry, as random people wouldn't be able to play the games they want.  Is this really what we are coming to, where every game has to be individually imprinted to a specific player?

Retarded.  I'm hoping EA fixes this soon.

An Introduction To Me, and A Few FAQs Answered....

Well, I finally broke down and decided to start up a profile on Gamespot.  Don't really know why.  Either way, hi, I'm jakob187, and I'm a gameaholic.  I play games day, afternoon, night, and every minute in between.  I work at a gaming center called LanSharx my hometown of Waco, Texas.  It's 24 Dell XPS systems loaded with everything you need, four Xboxs on 10-foot projection screens with Dolby 5.1 Surround....yeah, it's a thing of beauty.  Oh, and we have a BF2 dedicated server, check it out:

Regular BF2 - IP:
Special Forces - IP:

Remember, if you see jakob187, Lord Taco, wizzle, Mongrel, Grimloc, or nmeMINE, you are in for a fight to the death.  We're not the greatest, but we're a great squad (LSX).

When I'm not working there full-time, I'm also working for my video game website, BonusStage.com.  You may have heard of us, maybe not.  We do video game reviews, previews, interviews, exclusives, press shows, you know, the norm for a video game site.  Either way, we've been live for about two years now, working on lucky number 3.  You can check the site out at http://www.bonusstage.com.  I'm the editorial director and owner of the site, and we are always looking for new writers.  Therefore, if you think you have what it takes to be one of our writers, shoot me an e-mail at joshua@bonusstage.com.  Only apply if you are serious about being dedicated.

Other than that, here's a couple of need-to-know facts about me, some answers to FAQs about me.  First off, my real name is NOT Jakob.  That is reserved actually for a special day when I have a son.  Jakob Gabriel....long story.  Either way, my real name is Josh, as you'll tell if you go to the site.  Second, I'm an a-hole, but not in the traditional "everyone hates me" sense.  I'm lovable in my own way, just happens I also like to raise hell and start debates.  Third, I like debating, and I keep an open mind about a lot of things, so don't be surprised if I go on the attack.

Now, as for games:  I love games.  I love all kinds of games.  My favorite game, ever, ever, EVER, is Vagrant Story.  There is still nothing, personally, that has as much depth as that game (YOU HAD TO BEAT IT THREE TIMES FOR 100% MAP COMPLETION!).  My second favorite would either be Battlefield anything or Dark Cloud 2.  I play a lot of games, and here are some of my handles if you wanna find me:

WoW:  Finley on Gul'dan server
Guild Wars:  Jakob The Fierce of The Burr Conspiracy Guild
Battlefield 2:  {LSX}jakob187

Other than that, if you want to know something, ask.  I'll make plenty of friends here, and probably twice as many enemies.