New Moon...what a pile this one was. Dear god it was absolutely brutal to sit through, but I forced myself to for two reasons: 1. there were half-naked boys on screen half the time 2. I needed to try and get this movie, to understand why it does so well in the box office, why young teenage girls go into a near orgasmic state when they watch this movie (other than reason #1). Well, let's try and wrap our brains around this inexplicable cultural phenomenon, shall we?
OK. We have our main characters, the couple known as Bella and Edward. For some reason, young Twilight fans really look up to Bella. What is she like? Well, she is desperate, needy, manipulative, untruthful, and useless without a man. What a role model! As for Edward, he seems harmless enough at first. He's enigmatic, mysterious, quotes Shakespeare...the clas$ic vampire romantic. However, we soon find out that the dude is physically abusive. Yay! At one point in the movie, he takes Bella to the woods, and then just abandons her, taking off at vampiric speed. Of course, Bella, being the clingy piece of baggage that she is, starts franticly running around the woods looking for him. Edward also has a very constipated look on his face, and he's always PMS'ing about "having no soul"...or a "damned soul" or some **** like that. I don't know. I saw this movie less than a week ago, and already I've lost the plot.
Another major character is Jacob. He's actually a pretty cool guy. He's funny, charming, nice, and has a pair of pecks that look like baked hams. He also has a thing for Bella. Bella of course just uses the guy. Get's him to help her move stuff, fix a motorcycle, etc. And he still doesn't get in her pants. Bella is still attached to that evasive, abusive, emotionally distant douche bag, Edward.
Stephanie Meyer is friggin' insane.
Dunno what else to day, other than "don't see this movie". There is unintentional humour in it, as well as gratuitous PG-13 male nudity, but that is nowhere near worth the $12.50 I paid to see this movie.
Worst part of the movie: Probably the writing. The main characters have absolutely no redeeming qualities about them. They are horrible people that you're supposed to sympathize with.
Best part of the movie: When I was walking out of the theatre, a couple of dudes in a car drove past a group of Twilight fangirls, and threw an empty soda can at one of their heads. LOL.
So there ya go. The movie blows, and there is at least two more.