Wonkyman / Member

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My Obligatory E3 Predictions Post

Some of you might say I'm writing this post too late. "But Wonkoo, the Microsoft conference happened this morning, and Ubisoft's is going on right now! In fact they're talking about Assassin's Creed or something!"

Bah bah BAH!

Think I care? I don't care.

I'm here to talk about tomorrow morning's Nintendo Direct. And make wild, unrealistic assumptions! So let's get started!

What Will Happen!

Mario Kart 8 - It will be called that. Mario Kart 8. They didn't call the 3DS one 7 just to abandon that naming convention so quickly. It will be gorgeous. I'd like less imaginary characters like Funky Kong, Dry Bones Bowser and Baby Daisy (what?) and more long-time staples in the series like Kamek, a Goomba, and the Koopa Kids.

New 3D Mario - People seem to believe it will be Mario Galaxy 3, but come on. That'll be beating a dead horse.. okay. Not a dead horse. It's a living horse. A race horse even. But a race horse that's been in its fair share of races at this point in its life and needs some time in the stables to cool its hooves. What was I talking about? Oh right. No. This is the first generation since 2001 that Nintendo's taken a graphical leap. Time to return to the Mushroom Kingdom ala Mario 64 and really make it gorgeous. A lush, vibrant, living Mushroom Kingdom. ... And Wart is the villain.

Smash Bros 4 - That trailer is happening. That's a fact. But what surprises await us? It's being co-developed by Namco Bandai, so expect to see Pac-man and Tekken characters. With the possibility of the King of All Cosmos? A guy can dream. Also, everyone calling it Smash Bros Universe. Stop that. The subtitle is always a synonymn for fight. My handy-dandy thesaurus had this to say: Battle, box, brawl, combat, conflict, contend, contest, dispute, quarrel, scuffle, skirmish, squabble, strive, struggle, wrangle. My vote is for Skirmish.

Wind Waker HD - I know this will receive negative reactions, but based on the screenshots when the Wind Waker remake was announced, I quite strongly believe Nintendo is making Tetra a playable second character. Maybe Link sails on the King of Red Lions on your TV screen, and Tetra sails the sea on her pirate ship via the gamepad. Maybe you two have to play on the same screen. regardless, until we hear otherwise, I'm convinced Tetra will be a playable character. Also, I loved Wind Waker and Ah! Ah ah! Can't wait. Squee! 

What We Can Likely Expect

Retro's Thingy - We know Retro's doing a thing. What is it, Retro? Is it Donkey Kong Country Returns 2: Kremlings Return! And They Kidnapped Dixie Kong? Or is it Metroid Prime 4: We Lied When We Told You It Was A Trilogy? Or is it Star Fox: Those Games After 64 Never Happened? Or is it that rumored Metroid-Star Fox crossover which sounds stupid. Or is it a brand new thing? Come on, Retro! Fill us in tomorrow morning.

Yarn Yoshi - Sure would like to learn more about that.

Monolithsoft's X - How about giving it a name.

You know how the Wii U basic bundle was recalled from various retailers across the nightosphere? And Nintendo's all "What? Me doing something? Noooo. Me do something? Nooooo. Me?! Nooooo." But you know they're doing something. That's my prediction. They're doing something. You watch. Best prediction ever.

What I'd Love To See But Probably Won't

Here it comes.

Earthbound Super Awesome Physical Copy Special Edition with bonus disc that has interviews and making of featurettes and unreleased concept art. Yeeeah.

Paper Zelda - I've wanted to see that for years. Imagine a Zelda game with the humor and levity of a Paper Mario game. Where the Master Sword is a pair of scissors and the fire rod makes its return in a devastating way.

Lego City Undercover 2 - Nothing more to say about this. The first game was just so amazing. I want more.

Nintendo Buys Capcom - And forces them to make Mega Man 11 already!!

Reggie Walks Onstage.. I mean Sits Behind his Desk and Pulls off His Face to Reveal...


Baboom! You thought I forgot about this joke.

Let's play the How Many Did Wonkyman Get Right game tomorrow. I bet it's more than two!