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Vote for me because Egonga is a nerd.

I don't know why exactly, but the horrible lies and slander that Egonga has been spreading simply cannot continue. For the last five years I have represented you all as your Blog Representative with pride. I have done my absolute best for this site and all of you, and there is nothing that I would like to do more for all of you than to continue doing as such. I do this for you, the members of GameSite. I mean, GameSpot. I apologize, they say that when you take as many pills as I do it affects your mem- I mean, let's move on.

How can any of us trust someone like Egonga? I've stood up for this site with pride over my term. I hear that he comes from an entirely different country. How can any of us stand by someone like that? I hear that he drives on the other side of the road, that which none of us dare tread. What on Earth could that possibly lead to? Imagine if one of us was to approach as normal while he was committing this act, what would happen then? I shudder to think. And he'd take bribes from outsiders too so that they could take advantage of your freedoms! And he'd do it for less than market value! What an outrage! I always make sure to charge them more than they think it's wo- I mean, forget what I just said.

When it comes down to it, I'm totally responsible for everything good that goes on here. Do you know who it was that brought the Internet into the twenty-first century? That's right, it was me! I'm the one responsible for that spiffy icon you click to connect to the Internet in the first place. I hear that Egonga has been conspiring with seedy types to take the thrill out of the Internet and send us all the way back to text-only sites and annoying MIDI music that you can't stop without turning off your speakers. Did you know that you can all thank me for your personal information being sold to the Chinese as part of a larger plan to steal American nuclear secrets? Well I'm not, I just wanted to make that clear.

Egonga has spent these last five years being a fly in the buttermilk or eggs on toast or whatever the Hell it is he says. I've spent the last five years gambling with public funds at casinos and forget what I just said. I've spent the last five years looking out for you, gentle user. I've spent it making sure that the only people who can bring harm to you are the ones willing to offer top dollar, I mean the ones who would never do so and can be completely trusted with the power to do so which they would never use and only for good if they were forced to do so. If I'm re-elected I promise to help to bring the Internet even farther into the future, to the point where you can actually get inside websites and stuff. Also, I promise to do this for zero extra dollars and also somehow make the Internet smell like fresh dasies.

So ask yourself, is it really worth dooming yourselves and voting for Egonga? Or is it really worth dooming yourselves and voting for me? There's only one real choice GamersSpot, and that's to vote for you-know-who. That's me I mean. Man, these pills really mess you u- I mean vote for me, I'm the guy you can trust.


The RAW Review, 04/07/08 Edition *Spoilers*

RAW wasn't so great tonight. There were a couple of filler matches, and a few ludicrous "plot twists" that were utterly stupid. On the plus side, Santino won a match and I found out that Victoria likes to walk around naked backstage (though not by watching RAW). Anyway, this is what happened:

Regal announces JBL as Orton's Backlash opponent for the World Heavyweight Title. But then HHH comes out and demands a match with Orton for the Title. So Regal decides that if Hunter can defeat Orton and JBL in a handicap match, then he can face Randy for the Title in a triple-threat match at Backlash.

Umaga flattens Val Venis.

Ashley and Mickie James defeat Melina and Jillian Hall. Hey, they're admitting that Mickie still exists!

Paul London and Brian Kendrick defeat Cade and Murdoch. This makes me happy.

It's time for our main event! Y.... wait, what? It's not even the end of the first hour yet! Well anyway, Hunter wins! Surprise! But then John Cena comes out! Bigger surprise! And he wants to be in the World Heavyweight Title match at Backlash, even though he's lost to Randy Orton at two consecutive Pay-Per-Views! Then he makes another joke about the homosexuals, for you see, this is the height of comedy. Half of the crowd (the non-female part) is against him the entire time here. Well guess what? Regal gives him his opportunity! SURPRISE AGAIN! Only he has to defeat HHH and JBL in another handicap match! Huge surprise there!

Santino Marella and Carlito defeat Bob Holly and Cody Rhodes. Santino doesn't talk, which sucks.

Cryme Tyme sell "Wrestlemania memorabilia." Har har.

Beth Phoenix crushes Maria.

On this week's edition of "The Highlight Reel," HBK and Batista confront each other over HBK retiring Ric Flair at Wrestlemania. Batista insists that no matter what Michaels may say, he did it for the ability to brag about being the person who retired Ric Flair. This comes down to Batista saying he'll never trust Shawn again, and informing us that he's "done something about it." Whatever that means.

So our new main event is Cena versus JBL and HHH. Well guess what? CENA WINZ CENA WINZ. I'll bet this totally takes you by surprise. And Orton interferes and some crap like that. End program.

So, like I said, some random matches of no importance and Cena's in the main event again. Not much of a show. But they don't have to hype Wrestlemania anymore, so I guess they've stopped trying for another year. Put Victoria in Playboy dammit.


Hello there, I'm female character! Notice how I look you straight in the eye? How confident I seem? How I'm not like other girls and yet at the exact same time I'm a model of how women really are because all women are really just like the guys only they're women and thus ridden with certian stereotypes which they'll never shake unless more of them act like me? HAVE YOU NOTICED THESE THINGS YET?! BECAUSE I'LL MAKE SURE TO REMIND YOU. Watch as I call into question various aspects of your manhood! Isn't that something only a wacky woman would do? Now watch as I do something only a woman would do, only in my case it's unusual because I DON'T ACT LIKE WOMEN ARE SUPPOSED TO ACT. If I actually acted like a woman more often than nobody would care.

By the way, I'm wild and CRAZY. I do silly things like calling people out on stuff and speaking my mind and getting pushy because that's what wacky people do. If there's something to be done I'll be sure to do it by getting right up in it's face and totally taking care of it. Also, I'll taunt people with the fact that I'm a girl because you wouldn't expect a girl to do the things that I do because girls don't do those things. In fact, pretty much everything that I do revolves around the fact that I have been scientifically proven to be a girl, and not a dude. That's what makes me special and unique and different and worth talking about every weeknight for the next six-to-eight years. Also, I'm a girl.

Yesterday was my birthday, AND new blog header.

In my desprate search to find something, anything to write about, I'd like to mention that it was my birthday yesterday. Yes sir, my birthday. Twenty-two years young now. That's, uh.... that's all there is to it actually.

Also, got me a new header image for this blog yes I did. I didn't intend to, but I saw the picture and just thought that it would make a worthy replacement for the one I've had up there for, like the last four years. That's actually a picture taken for some school project, so it's slightly more professional than anything else I would've come up with on a normal day. And that's.... that's the origin of my banner story. What fun.

The RAW Review, 03/31/08 Edition *Spoilers*

Alright, you know what? I watched baseball all day and for most of RAW. GUILTY. And you know what? Twins Vs. Angels was probably better than whatever the Hell I missed during the first forty minutes of RAW or so. Also, Eric Gagne sucking fumes pretty much confirms everything that I thought about him last year. That is, that he sucks. 10 MILLION DOLLARS LOL. Anyway, what happened tonight was, uh.... like this:

Oh wait, Wrestlemania was last night! I forgot. See, there was baseball last night as well. Uh, anyway.... Randy Orton is still the champion, Ric Flair has retired (I guess), Kane is the ECW Champion (for more than 24 hours!) and C.M. Punk has the MitB briefcase. And word has it that it was actually a pretty good show.

Anyway, the show starts with Randy Orton talking. So of course I went back to baseball. Then JBL came out to challenge him to a title match "BOAH." Then he leaves and Matt Hardy (I'm pretty sure I have the right one) attacks Randy from behind. Randy, if you'll recall, was kicking him in the appendix last time we saw him.

Cryme Tyme is back! Wait, what? WHAT? I saw it happen and I don't feel quite sure it was real. They defeat Cade and Murdoch too.

Shawn Michaels is upset about being the person who ended Ric Flair's career. So.... yeah.

London and Kendrick defeat Bob Holly and Cody Rhodes in a non-title match. Crowd actually seemed to be behind them a good bit.

Chris Jericho defeats Money-in-the-Bank winner C.M. Punk in a good match.

Big Show and Khali have a staredown. Oh boy. Sure to be a mat classic whenever it happens.

Santino asks Maria if she got her shots after kissing "Mr. Snoopy the Dog" last night, and tells her that she should be "looking good and making pasta and making the babies." Then he comes onto her and she slaps him. Apparently they're going to be facing each other in a no-DQ match later.

Randy Orton defeats Matt Hardy.

Santino faces Maria. Apparently Jerry Lawler has been forbidden from getting involved here. Well, Santino shoves Maria around for a minute before the entire Diva roster comes down and gives him a Spirit Squad-style beatdown. Then Maria headbutts him in the crotch (woo) gives him an awkward-looking pin.

And that was your main (wrestling) event! Now it's time for Ric Flair's farewell address. It was actually pretty emotional, but to summarize, first Hunter came out, then the original Four Horsemen came out, then Dean Malenko came out, then a bunch of other guys came out, then the entire roster came out. Then they said a few things and went off the air. End program.

So that's it pretty much. A pretty good show actually. Some good wrestling and the Flair thing, which seemed pretty genuine. Usually you'd expect something like that to be interrupted by someone turning on Flair, or Flair turning on someone, but that didn't happen. So really just a good wrestling program with a very well-planned, emotional segment to finish. This probably isn't the last time we'll see Flair on camera, but I guess it's just as well to consider him retired for now.

I'm 'it' apparently.

Now, I didn't know what that meant, so I had to not care. Then after sitting around for a few days I inadvertantly found out what it meant. At least I think I know what it means. Usually when I tell people things about myself they tell me to shut up because nobody cares. Yet now when I have the opportunity I am a bit taken aback. I don't think there's anything interesting to write about. Perhaps I should write this when I'm not exhausted and slightly out of my mind. But of course I might think better of this if I wait until tomorrow. Let's see, uh.....

1. I've been known to oversleep, by which I mean that if I don't awake to discover a new civilization has taken root while I slept, I go back to bed.

2. I've never touched a woman, by which I mean that I literally have never touched a female. Ever. I was born inside a mechanical womb in a laboratory somewhere in New Mexico, and things just kinda never worked out from there. This is a requirement to become a moderator though, that's why I made it all the way to "Senior mod" and now have a badge to show the world. Far better than human contact, I've actually come to the realization that the outside world is in fact a lie, and that while the rest of you out there will have your pretty illusions, I and the rest of the mod staff have this website, which is in fact real.

3. I don't bother looking when I drive anymore. Instead I try to make a game out of how many people I can cut off on my way to wherever I'm going. I've managed to rank myself and compensate for the difference in time with different trips by coming up with a new statistic, which I call "Cut-Offs Per Minute" or CO/M. My highest CO/M rate was 2.3 on August 23rd, 2006, on a trip to a post office. Not my local post office either.

4. My grades are actually pretty good. I can't figure out why. I have a sneaking suspicion that they just give you credit if you actually do the work.

5. I am left-handed, left-leaning, and often left behind when other people go off to have "fun" with each other. But if they run out of people to complain to, they always come to me as a last resort. How will I ever make it on the Internet?

I hope this has been enlightening. Or eye-opening. If you feel like calling the police, that's probably normal.

The RAW Review, 03/25/08 Edition *Spoilers*

Tonight's RAW wasn't very good, if you ask me. Rather promo and video-pacakge heavy, which doesn't really make for a very entertaining show. The main event was pretty good though, and there was an awesome Ric Flair promo, so it wasn't all bad. Kind of annoying that the last show before Wrestlemania didn't feature that much wrestling though.

Anyway, the show starts with me watching Futurama. I mean, with John Cena. Wait, I really mean Futurama. John Cena makes gay jokes (jokes about the gay people) and a bunch of other wrestlers head down to the ring and William Regal feels compelled to make a big inter-brand (like anyone pays attention to the roster split anymore) tag match for the end of the night.

Carlito and M.V.P. defeat Chris Jericho and C.M. Punk when Jericho accidentally knocks out Punk.

Khali defeats Hardcore Holly rather quickly. Prefect time for whatever you need to do away from the television!

Ric Flair wants to have a word with Shawn Michaels in the middle of the ring because he asked Shawn not to interfere in his match with Vince McMahon last week. Flair pulls out the old NWA title (uh, to make a point I guess) and tells Shawn something about how he wants to prove that he's still the Nature Boy or something. Shawn promises to give him "everything he has" and to "be the showstopper" and so forth. Flair is slowly going crazy while all this happens. Shawn then compares Flair to Old Yeller and tells us that at Wrestlemania he's going to take Flair behind the woodshed and shoot him. Or kill him. Or whatever. So Flair slaps him and pulls off his shirt (Flair's shirt) and begs him to do it now. Right about now you're probably expecting Shawn to superkick him (I was). Instead Shawn gets out of the ring and walks off. Flair goes even crazier and starts elbow-dropping his shirt like he always used to elbow-drop random items.

More Floyd Mayweather video stuff.

Apparently Candice Michelle re-broke her collarbone or something. So that means "Bunnymania" will be different somehow, I guess? We're supposed to have a match between Melina and Maria, but Ashley shows up to yell at Melina for some reason, which brings out Santino, which gets Jerry Lawler into the ring, which leads to William Regal creating a quick six-person tag match which ends when Santino pins Maria. Kinda stupid, especially considering that Santino didn't get to talk.

Lots of video packages!

Now it's time for the main event! John Cena, HHH, Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair Versus Randy Orton, Umaga, JBL, and the Big Show. It's a no-DQ match, in case I forgot to mention. JBL ends up leaving when Finlay runs down and gets into a fight with him. Then Umaga leaves when Batista runs down and gets in a fight with him. Then Big Show beats everyone up (including Randy, who gets a little too bossy) and then gets bored and leaves. Now Randy's all alone, but the faces all turn on each other. Flair low-blows HBK and then puts Orton in a figure-four, which he quickly taps out to, making Flair's team the winning team. Then we wrap up with Flair "woo"-ing in the middle of the ring. End program.

Well, this might have been the last time we ever saw Flair wrestle on a non-pay-tv program. We'll find out Sunday, I guess. Luckily he gave a good promo tonight and participated in what was a rather fun main event. Too bad there was so much recapping on this show, it could've stood to have a few more matches that lasted longer than two minutes. It wasn't totally horrible though, just don't expect much actual wrestling.

Egonga isn't a vampire you guys.

I have proof, and you know what that is? Check the part of his story when he says that Alcuard was floating everywhere. Well you know what? Vampires don't float everywhere MR. EGONGA! There is a long recorded history of Vampires who use means of locomotion other than floating to travel. Many vampires have been spotted walking on both feet. Some have wings. But floating? I think not. The average vampire has been known to float only once or twice a day, and almost always for a distance of no more than five feet or less, as recent studies have shown. In fact, recent census data indicates that only 15% of the vampire population described themselves as "floating" as opposed to "non-floating."

So guess that without this simple little detail your story falls apart, doesn't it Mr. Egonga? I mean really, if you lied about floating vampires then what else did you lie about, hmm? If you never saw the vampire float, then we can't really be sure that you told the truth about anything he did once you were in the castle. And if we can't be sure that what happened inside the castle was true, well, then we can't be sure that there ever was a castle in the first place, can we? And if we can't be sure that you ever went to a castle, how do we know there was a village? Or townspeople? How do we know that any of this happened at all? How do we not know whether or not you just gussied up a story about your trip to the grocery store? Huh?

We don't, and that's why I can safely call you a liar Mr. Egonga. You're nothing but a common non-vampiric person, probably fully able to walk around in the sunlight and so on. In fact, I don't think you even knew what a vampire was before last week. Care to dispute this? Well then try PROVING this wild tale of floatation and bad poetry of yours Mr. Egonga. There are a million different websites you could've pulled that from. This is the age of myspace and stupid goth websites where twelve year-olds in horrible makeup post terrible poetry for the entire world to mock them for. You could've taken that from any one of them! So where are you now sir? Nowhere, that's where! Mr. Not-A-Vampire Egonga.

I'm done. Stop. No more politics.

I've had it, okay? Done. STOP WITH THE POLITICS. This is the most depressing election I've ever seen. All of a sudden people are barging into OT to tell us the EVILS of Barack Obama (I can't even remember how to spell his name) and how he'll RAISE TAXES and tolerate illegals. Oh but wait, then there's Hillary and her pantsuits. LOL PANTSUITS. And Barack might be a Muslim! I mean, he's not, BUT HE MIGHT BE! And his middle name might be Hussein Hitler Stalin McAntichrist. I heard he went to school at a TERRORIST TRAINING CAMP TOO. And let's not forget that Hillary is a CLINTON. A CLINTON. What I'm saying is that if we elect either of these people WE'RE GOING TO DIE because TAXES AND OTHER THINGS. Oh, and there's a Republican candidate or something. John What's-his-face. But that's not important, because LOOK OUT IT'S THE DEMOCRATS. And Karl Rove is back. That's neat.

What the Hell? Did everyone go mental or something? I've never seen such a goddamn circus before in my life. When did everyone suddenly start caring about politics so much? And for that matter, when did everyone start assuming that I see things exactly the same way that they do? I don't want to hear about this election again for at least three months, alright? Nothing. I don't want to hear a damn thing about it at all. I could care less, and I have bigger problems than something that isn't even going to be decided until November. From now until July I don't want to hear about which aide said what or who got endorsed by which religious zealot or how all three candidates are still in the pockets of big corporations at all. I want NONE of it. I'd like to actually feel good for a while.

The RAW Review, 03/17/08 Edition *Spoilers*

This week's RAW wasn't very good. Which is to say, there were a bunch of squash matches and not much else. Anyway, let's get to it.

The program starts with Big Show on the Highlight reel. He gets into an argument with Jericho and pretty soon they make a match for the IC belt later tonight.

CM Punk defeats Carlito in a pretty good but pretty short match. I think this means that he's going to be in the MitB match, I'm not sure.

Santino calls Snoop Dogg (a participant at Wrestlemania) "Mr. Snoopy the Dog."

Umaga crushes Brian Kendrick and Paul London, but Kendrick runs out on London halfway through, so, uh.... it's sorta more like Umaga crushes London and Kendrick gets booed I guess.

JBL crushes some guy from "ECW" and then trashes Irish people.

Ric Flair faces Vince McMahon in a street fight. You read that correctly. It's pretty one-sided until Shawn Michaels interferes and pulls the referee out of the ring, causing Vince to get distracted long enough to get punched in the balls. Then Ric frog-splashes.... sorta.... him through a table. Which was actually pretty cool and made the audience freak out. Flair wins.

Jerry Lawler interviews Jared. From Subway. Yes, that Jared from Subway.

Maria and Candice Michelle face Victoria and Jillian Hall with Santino on commentary. Who cares about the match? Santino calls King "Jerry Stupid Lawler" and tells him his patience is being "pusheda to so many levels!" before punching King in the face and yelling "HA HA YOU LOSE!" while stealing his sandwich. The best part of the night. No matter how many squash matches there are, we will always have Santino.

Chris Jericho gets DQed against Big Show, so Show chokeslams him.

Kim Kardashian says something about Wrestlemania. Who the Hell is Kim Kardashian? And Big Dick Johnson makes an appearance. That's always lovely.

Hunter informs Cena and Orton that their match will continue until either they can't or they've squashed, er, defeated the entire roster. So there goes that possibility. Wait, Hunter's actually thinking of stuff that other GMs don't. What the Hell?

So basically you can figure out where this match goes. At least once you learn that only one participant from each side will be allowed in the ring at a time. A bunch of jobbers get squashed in seconds at a time, before everyone runs in and the match gets thrown out. But Orton and Cena get beaten up anyway and then Hunter comes down to Pedigree them. End program.

So there it is. Not much of a show. Santino was brilliant as always though. The "versus the entire RAW roster" match meant that almost the entire midcard got either squashed or ignored tonight. Kinda weak if you ask me. Still, it was kinda neat to watch about five finishers being hit in a row, even if one career went down with each of them. No Floyd "Money" Mayweather this week, aside from a video thingy where they tried to make him look good again for some reason. That's pretty much it for this show.