We're in luck, the Bruins crapped out early tonight. Well, some of us are. That way I got to watch this thing all the way through! Anyway, like I mentioned last week, this week was a big three-hour show for no reason. Well, for no reason and because Vince wants to get all political on our asses. Tomorrow is the Pennsylvania Democratic Primary, and Vince is a hardcore Republican. So of course he wants to make fun of the Democrats because Vince is a huge genius. But surprisingly, the last three remaining candidates in the running for the office of the President of the United States actually appeared on this show. In taped form anyway. Not that it stopped Vince from making this terrible. They had the entire King of the Ring tournament tonight too for some reason. Oh, but I ramble.
Chris Jericho faces MVP in round one of the KotR tournament. Jericho wins by submission.
C.M. Punk defeats Matt Hardy in another round one match.
Khali faces Finlay in another round one match, but gets disqualified for spending too much time bending Finlay's knee around the ringpost. Khali doesn't bother paying attention, so Big Show comes out and Khali backs off.
Regal faces Hornswoggle in the final round one match. Yeah, you read that right. YEE-HAW. Finlay can't help because his knee is all banged up, so Regal wins by submission in a matter of seconds.
Shawn Michaels gives some promo about how he's the man now or something. Then he and Batista stare each other down.
Hillary Clinton speaks! The REAL Hillary Clinton! On tape, I mean. I.... I.... I just couldn't stand to watch, sorry. I just stopped watching as soon as she identified herself as "Hill-Rod." I am not making this up.
Carlito defeats Bob Holly, so Holly and Cody beat up Carlito and Santino. Santino says that being a boy and Holly's friend makes him a "boyfriend."
C.M. Punk defeats Chris Jericho in round 2.
Barack Obama speaks on tape next. I guess... I guess anything's better than Hillary pretending to like wrestling.
Regal defeats a very beaten up-looking Finlay in the other round 2 match.
John McCain speaks. Consensus on another board I visit was that he sounded old and confused.
Now John Cena speaks! Oh joy! This is good, because I can't stand John Cena! Wait a minute, it's not good at all!
It's time for the "match" between "Hillary" and "Obama." It wasn't quite "so bad it was good," but it was one whole Hell of a lot like Donald Vs. Rosie. So if you got some sort of sick comedy pleasure out of that match, you might somehow have enjoyed this. I don't know why, maybe you enjoy when the crowd gets pissed off. "Hillary," who is apparently a huge Hulk Hogan fan, comes out with a Bill Clinton impersonator. Someone in the crowd starts a "Monica" chant. Bill trips getting into the ring. Hillary delivers some speil about superdelegates running wild on you. ZING. Bill talks a lot. Then some guy with huge fake ears who's supposed to be Barack Obama comes out alone. He asks the crowd if they can smell what Barack is cooking. Then they have a "match" of sorts. Barack gives Hillary the Rock Bottom before Umaga comes out and beats up both of them. Goody.
Some big Diva staredown happens. Then they all fight each other.
William Regal defeats C.M. Punk to become the King of the Ring. Good for Regal, I guess.
Our main event tonight was JBL, Randy Orton, Edge, and Chavo Gurrero against Kane, Undertaker, HHH, and John Cena. EVERYONE had entrances, it took nearly ten minutes to get all of them done. Too much crap happened in this match, but eventually Edge speared Kane to win the match. Then, Cena FU'ed him, Hunter tried to Pedigree Cena but got clotheslined by JBL, then Cena got RKOed, then the Undertaker chokeslammed JBL and Orton at the same time. Then the show ended with Undertaker standing in the ring with the lights all purple. So help me, I still love the Undertaker. I don't care how slow he is. End program.
The King of the Ring tournament didn't really involve that much wrestling. No sir. And the main event was kind of weak. Donald Versus Rosie was kind of a surprise when it happened, Obama Versus Clinton on the other hand was probably exactly what we all expected it to be, so there's less of a "what the Hell is this garbage?" factor to something like that. Hearing from the candidates themselves was awkward. At least we'll be getting more Regal for a while.