This was my last column as Tech editor for The Student. Not really sure where to go from here... I might migrate my writing to a blog and keep my Gamespot page open for game-related stuff, reviews etc. Would anyone really miss me?
Leave it to Apple to come up with gadgets you didn't even know you wanted. Ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you: the iPod Bluetooth Diabetes Monitor. An adapter pricks your finger and reads blood sugar levels, which are then sent to the iPod and your dietary recommendations for the day are calculated. I can't wait to find out what it makes of my lunch- half a bag of tortilla chips and a packet of chocolate Hobnobs (sadly, this is not a joke). Better yet, we should push for Xbox Live integration so players can browse online leaderboards of the highest blood sugar levels, unlocking achievements like "obesity" and "blindness" along the way. Who will drink enough golden syrup to be crowned number one?
It's been over a year since I joined the editorial team at The Student and raised the bar for the number of terrible similes included in one article. My motivation for writing has always been transparent. I believe technology, science and games are fun, exciting and worth writing and reading about, regardless of whether you're a hardcore nerd or think "megahertz" is a geeky synonym for a hangover. If I managed to convince even one person of this during my tenure, it has been time well spent.
And now... Similes of the Year! Craig selected his favourites from a year of writing, which I've reprinted below for your viewing pleasure.
on Mass Effect: "Steering the Mako is akin to steering a sackful of balloons using a hair dryer"
on the Max Payne movie: "The aesthetic of Sin City has been sloppily smeared into the gaping holes in the script like Polyfilla."
on art in nonviolent games: "Cooking Mama looks like it was drawn by an alien race who had never seen human food before, while Beautiful Katamari is as 'beautiful' as a box of Duplo half-chewed by a three year old."
on MGS4: "Metal Gear Solid 4 is so heavy on narrative that it squashes the underlying game like a fat man riding a child's bicycle"
on Twitter: "Welcome to the future of communication: it's like being smacked over the head with a newspaper until you actively acknowledge the contents"