K1LLR3175 / Member

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K1LLR3175 Blog

Bad moments in my life,and why I am what I am today.

Through this situation I am going through now I started to think back on some of the bad things that I have been through in my life.Alot of people wonder why I am not crying my eyes out or going all crazy that I lost my house.You all want to know why?Well because this is not the first time I lost my house or have been through tough times.So sit back and relax and let my tell you some of the moments that I have been through in my life.

Living conditions

I have been through just about every living condition that you can think of from a terrible apartment complex to a trailer park.Lets talk about the trailer park for a min.This Trailer park was located in New Church VA.The trailer park had regular road surrounding it but when you enter the park it was nothing but shells and dirt for the roads.Kids always had to make up their own fun,most of the fun came with dealing with bikes.Kids would always put small wheels on Mt bikes,or one small wheel and one big wheel.Or my personal favorite taking the rubber off of the back tire and just using the rim,this was possible because of the shell roads.Me and my family lived in a small trailer which the most of the time that I can actually remember we had no electricity.Yeah me and my mother would always talk ourselfs to sleep in the dark.I don't mention my step father,I will tell you why soon.The trailer was brutal in the winter time actually trying to keep warm.

We had a oil heater but alas with being in a piss poor trailer it did not do much good.The next major problem with this trailer park hell was the fact that it was in the middle of nowhere.You had to travel quite aways just to get to a damn little corner store.It was a ways for us because we had no car,and when we did get one it was a peice of crap that barely ran and had made up card board tags{Which we made on the way by the way lol]Once the trailer park adventures where over me and my family moved to our new house.It was a HUGE step up from the run down trailer we had before.And guess what,with this place you could actually reach a good store.Between you and me,I miss that house to this day.This house was pretty good,the neighborhood was crap,it was filled with kids who always wanted to be in your yard and talk back to your parents.I mean atleast the kids in the trailer park where creative with their activities,these kids where just horrible.Anyway we lived in this place for about six years and then we had to leave because my mother could not afford it anymore,we had to grab what we could and get out.We lived with my grandmother and her ignorant ass husband for about a year.

We found a new place to live,but the landlord was not the best when it came to fixing up things.Another year past and we had an inspection coming up,turns out that we had to leave out of our house because their was lead paint in the house and so we were back to living with my grandmother.A fix up that was suppose to only take a week lasted THREE MONTHS.In those three months every morning was like the first day of school over and over and over again,you know that gut wrenching sickening feeling you get,it was like that for three months straight.Alot of our stuff got thrown out or broken in the rushed move.So my mother finally found a new place to live,problem was this place was found out of desperation,the rent was already too high,but she took it anyway after about a good 7 months we got kicked out,yep the whole package,sheriff at the door,stuff getting put out on the street everything.

This is where the next home comes in,thats right a motel room this is when a family of 7 make a small two bed motel room a home.This is also the stage in my life where I began drinking Nyquil and Mouthwash,not enough to get me drunk but enough to make me feel really weird lol.We made the best out of this situation.The rest is history.I moved out,then I get kicked out,I lose some of my stuff and my cats WHICH I RAISED FOR FIVE YEARS.Now I am living at my friend's house and trying to find with my ex girlfriend.

Family Matters

No not the TV show with Erkel,or how ever you spell his name,if I did spell your name wrong yes I did do that.I pretty much was raised by my mother all my life,this is why I have such a high respect for woman and what not.I never really knew my real father,all I know is this,he owns my mother about 13,000 in child support and I have not seen a cent of it.My Step father is what you call the definition of loser,for the 13 years my mother was with this man all they did was fight,fight,fight.Verbal,physical and me and my siblings were caught in the middle.Through all of this I had to be like the real father figure to my siblings.It was not just the fact that my mother and father fought all of the time he was a drug dealer and user.He would use his drugs right in front of us and have no problem with it.But that was not the worst of it,the fact that he wanted to steal from us too,always digging in my mothers purse and stealing things from my room.I remember the time he stole my N64 controllers and my copy of Pokemon stadium.I was pissed.

Finally came the day where they broke up and I swear knowing that he was not coming through that door anymore was one of the best days of my life.Now my mother.I love my mother to death but she has also made some bad choices.She never wanted to clean up sometimes,like alot of the houses we left behind where just messes,I don't know if it was because of depression or what but it made me mad.Another thing was the fact that her choice in men could have been alittle better.I mean for 13 years I was forced to deal with my loser of a step father.I never in my life really had a father figure ever.I mean she met one guy who was really cool,who bought me things,took me fishing,taught me how to drive,but she broke up with him.My mother went off and had sex with some other man about a year after that,she had a baby.Sigh I love my little baby brother but at the same time things would have been alittle easier if he was not there.

At that time I was already baby sitting my three other siblings everytime my mother went out to work or other things,and even worst I don't even know who the father is to my little baby brother,he never stepped in to help out,ever.Then their are my problems.My stress and what not.After all that I have been through and what I still manage to go through I have alot of stress and worry sometimes.I mean I am only 19 for gods sake,this is why I write alot,cause it takes my stress away and I love seeing you all get weired out by my writings lol.My choice in woman were not too good,I mean they were better than my mothers choice in men,but still.My first GF is the one that I am trying to now find a house with,her problem,she was evil.Now my second GF.Sigh....She was arrrgg.She was like finding out you had ebola and cancer all in the same week,you get to day three thinking that you will make in through only to find out on that fourth day that you got the other problem aswell.Now I got my sexxxy panther Martha,and she is the panther of my dreams.

The point.

Omg yes there their is a point to this post.Yeah it is long but I just wanted to show you guys why I am the way I am.I have been through so much stuff in my life that it is not even funny,am I braggin about that?Hell no,I got nothing to brag about.Speaking of bragging this is why I don't see the point of it.There is nothing wrong with friendly competition but at the same time I see no point in bragging about your "Skill" in video games.Speaking of video games after all of the stuff that I had to go through and or have to worry about in my life excuse me if I don't get angry when I see rumors like "OMG Metal gear solid 4 is going to the xbox 360"I don't care,It is just a damn game get over it please.Now with that being said that whole exclusive DLC crap needs to go,I do get mad about that.

But people getting mad over the loss of exclusive games make me laugh.I am sorry if I don't want to participate in your useless"Yeah I still get to play Final fantasy 13 but since the Xbox 360 gets it to I don't want to play it"Topics.This is why I have such a passionate side and a care for woman,I never had a true father figure for that long so I guess I took alot of my mothers traits.But the biggest trait she always told me was to not take any crap and how to survive on a budget or no budget at all.My freakyside.......I guess I get that from my dog lol,I have no idea where that came from.

Anyway I am going to end this post as it is already to long.I hope that you all have enjoyed seeing some of the moments in my life and why I am what I am today.Oh and for people going through a bad time,just remeber what I thought every day"If I got through yesterday than I can get through today,if I get through today then I can get through tomorrow" Oh always keep a smile on your face,when you need to cry do it,there is no shame in it,and last but not least what does not kill you does indeed make you stronger in areas.Peace my freakies.

Our Circus Rules.Don't judge.

Ahh I am a nice wolf but at the same time I hate dealing with idiots who,how do I say look down apon us because we are different.Let me tell you something,if you think that you are better than any of us you have another thing coming.You step into my Yard and think that you can burn down my circus I will destroy you.I will drag you bloody body into my circus and show the the good freaks of my show how to rip apart the human body.Oh and if I don't get you than damn it my fur will get you.My exotic furs can be your best friend but it also can be your worst enemy.We will gladly make you part of our show.You think that joke Jigsaw [who has not been good since saw 3 anyway]can punish the bad you have not seen anything.This Big Bad Wolf will blow down your little judgemental shell.In other words.You better give your soul to the lord because if I catch you in my yard your ass belongs to me.

Martha my love,my sexxxy panther is a creative panther,she loves to make arts and crafts,and I am pretty sure she will love to make a craft out of some of your insides.Sigh,the point is this don't judge us freaks,in fact don't go around judging people at all.There will be no judging people AT ALL here at the circus.All people regardless of age,race,sexuality etc,etc are welcome here at the Circus.But if you do judge,if you do think that you can talk about people,or make people feel like crap then you will pay.There will be no sorrow here at the circus.The world has enough problems and if you want to cause more then STAY OUT.So I will say this once again.Come one,Come all and enjoy the Circus of Insanity,Passion and Romance.Were all are welcome and the judgemental are our victims.Please enjoy your stay my family.Have a blast.

So my little freakies,the point is the circus is an AMAZING place to be,it is a place to come to let your freaky side out no matter who you are or what you look like.We even have a built on kids section where you kids can have fun,but without all of the..odd things that parents might not want their kids to see,see I am a fair wolf.

How are you all doing/Just to let you all know I have not forgotten about them..

Well this is not insane story or freaky sauce lunch.If you were to ask me what is the most important thing to me and Martha you probably would expect us to say "Our circus" well you are wrong,the most important thing to us,is you.What is a circus without the freaky and insane people enjoying the show.So I just wanted to see how you all were doing,good things,bad things or just the down right freaky things.You all are more than my friends you all have become a part of my freaky family and I am proud and care about every single one of you,so how have you all been?My house hunting has been going slow.Lately I have just felt tired and run down but no matter what try to keep a smile one my face.Other than that nothing much has been going on with me.

Now to the second part of my blog.I just wanted to let you all know something.I want you all to think back to those crazy stories I wrote about the psychotic people in the one city.Well I just wanted to let you know that I have not forgotten them and once I get situated I will be archiving my old stories and expanding on that city of crazy-ness,I will give you a hint for the next one,It deals with a mistress who loves to do more than have naughty time with her victims..and she is related to the Schizo guy as he is her brother.The rest I will tell you when I get the time to write it down.Ok Guy/Gals/Animals peace.

Ahhh Welcome to the circus kitchen...where all the secret sauce is made

Ahhh welcome back my freakies welcome back.Today I am going to show you something special,something special indeed and what you see here ain't no make believe...Ok I really need to stop this rhyming thing it is nothing but trouble but I love it so much...see nothing.Anyway Today kids I am taking you into the circus kitchen where the secret sauce is made by the time this journey ends your mind and taste buds will have been laid....hey it's back.Ok enter the tent that is in front of you now,and please remember there are no damn clowns.Take a step the right and a step the left and please say hello the the cook named beth.This is the giant pot where the secret sauce is made.Now my little freaks I hope that you all have heard the old saying "To make a good meal you must put your foot in it"Well we here at the circus have taken that saying to a whole nother level,I want you all to notice how my sexxxy Panther Martha and all here lovely fur,Ahhh sexxy mama come and give me a kiss.Ohhhh yes,OHHHH YEAH baby Mhmmm.

Anyway Miss Martha does not just put her foot in the pot of sauce she puts her whole damn body in it.Yes,YES watch as she covers her self in the sauce,her fur and everything in it gives the sauce it's sexxy flavor.Ohh she looks good enough to eat,wow my little beautiful panther let me lick your feet....Damn there goes the rhyming again.Ok Miss Martha out of the pot.Now I want all of you to open your mouths and take a huge bite,swish it in your mouth and and let it go down nice and smooth.Now on the count of three you will all pass out,once this happens me and Martha will be...."Helping each other out".She needs cleaning because she is still drenched in sauce and I am Hungry..I think you can put two and two together.Now on the count of three you will pass out,We will be making love to your mind that is no doubt.Now 1...2....3 your minds are at ease.Please enjoy your stay and the circus of insanity hehehehe.

I really want to stop this rhyming thing,but ever time I type something I keep thinking what rhymes with such and such lol.Anyway I hope that all of my lovely freakies are doing fine on this lovely day.

Finally it will reign....and you thought I was Freaky before hehe...

Well all of my freakies,today is a good day for my writings and the lovely freaks who enjoy them.Before I would get modded for my stories because they were to violent.Well I remember a mod saying that if I linked my stories from a different site on my blog on gamespot and put a verbal warning about how violent they were I could keep writing stories.Well good news I found a few sites were I could archive my old stories and write new ones,but at the same time I can write even more crazy stuff and not get censored hehehahahahHAHAHAHAHA.Ohhh boy my freakies this is going to be damn fun.I will be looking at these sites somemore when I have more time and find out which one I like the most,then I will unleash all my insane wisdom and freakishness on all of you hehe...

My Circus of Insanity,romance and Passion.

Come one come all and enjoy my circus.I want all of you,as my friends to step into the tent in front of you and enter my playground.When you step into my circus I want you to have a seat and let my lovely Panther Martha wrap you all in exotic furs and feed you our special sauce.I want you all to sit back and enjoy the passion,the romance and the Insanity.I am your Ringmaster and this is my show,but a show like no other,and show that will grow.I will now relax all of you into a calm state of mind,now let the fur around you take you from behind.Thats right my little freakies the fur is alive,I will now get it to pleasure you one step at a time.It will start at the top and work it's way down,I am sorry but this circus has no damn clowns.I command the fur to do what I say,now please,please let the fur play.

It will kiss on your neck and make your moan and groan no need to be quiet so please louden your tone.I am all out of ryhmes but I have so much time,what I am doing to you is not such a crime.Hehe.I could be the Cat in the Hat,or the wolf in the hat to be more exact.But speaking of Amazing Cats I want you all to take off the blindfolds and take a look at my Amazing Panther Martha Stewart.She is my love,she is my passion,she is my Sexxxy stuff.You all are welcome in my circus anytime you want.Me and My Martha are always cooking things up.What I have given you so far is just a taste of what is to come.My Insanity,and my passion will take your mind on a wild ride that I hope that you will soon not forget.This is my circus and you are my Pet hahahaha.Now get out.Until next time my freakies.

Well here is the deal.Me and my Ex have been up all night looking for places and we both needed a break from it all.She is going to go and get some food and I decided to pop on and write this.I want this to be my new about me and I am now calling my blogs my Circus on insanity,Passion and Romance.So what do you all think?It is not a story or a poem just something I think would be perfect for my about me thingy.

Happy Valentines day Martha my Freaky love.

Love is in the air and so is Fur..enjoy hehe.

I want to lay you down by the fire and put your soft panther fur up against my soft wolf fur.I want you to whip up a batch of your tasty secret sauce and pour it all over me.Alot of people may think that our relationship is wrong but together we are meant to be.I want you to look me in the eyes and promise that we will be together for eternity.I love when you let me turn you on your back and I can rub your belly listening to your purr all night long.Martha my love this Valentines day I will take you hunting and we will devour the sweet flesh of all who oppose us.You are my Sexxxy panther and I am your Big Bad Wolf.I love you,you are mine for all of our natural life,hell even when we are both dead we will still make sweet love and we will do it so wild that we will wake the dead and keep them that way..I want to take my nice long tounge and lick you all over.

I love when you lay on my back and I feel your nice warm breath on the back of my neck.I will howl at the moon all night long for you while looking at your eyes glistening in it.On Valentines night we will make sweet love so loud that the whole forest will hear us,when we are done you will lay next to me purring for the rest of the night while I keep you warm into the morning.I will always be there to protect you,I will always be there when you need something soft to lay on.Martha.Happy Valentines day my love.You are my Beautiful Panther and I am your Big Bad Wolf.Together we are greatness....I love you.

I love all of you,,,,and I found out what that sneaky little vixen is up to....

Even though I am busy trying to work and what not I just wanted to take the time to tell all of you that I love you and that I care about all of you aswell.You guys/gals have been supporting me through this tough time and I just wanted to say thank you and I love you.Love you so much that I would dress all of you up in fur and invite you to one of me and Martha's freaky parties where you will be drenched in Martha's secret sauce and we will take turns licking it off one another.For all the people that are not into that I guess I could just give you a hug lol.All of you have great personalities and I love to see them when I get the chance to be on here.

So I just wanted to say thanks and I love you like the freaks that me and Martha wish we had.Now to what my ex wanted.Well she broke up with her boyfriend and she heard about my situation.It makes me feel really weird that she is here.Anyway she heard that I was pretty much homeless from one of my friends,who is also her friend.She came up with the idea to find a house together and be roomates.I would jump on this offer but at the same time I explained already how she tends to act.She does not want to go back and live with her parents and quite frankly I see where she is coming from.At this moment I am thinking I should do it and just move in with her again.Not be with her but move in.I have money but having her income would really help me out.Besides she can actually tolorate my freaky/insane acts.I will talk to her some more and plan out what I am going to do.Anyway I love you all....I could put you all in fur and rub you all up and......... I better slow down.Um catch you all later lol.

Happy Valentines day..........To my Ex.

Ahhh loves in the air.So is Hatred and alot of other things.You will never....EVER guess who is over here visiting me now chatting it up with the friends I am staying with.Thats right,my ex.This woman is crazy,kill you in your sleep because you were snoring to loud crazy.Oddly enough that was what I liked about here.She is over here now "Trying to make peace"Let me expain what type of woman she is with this....

I will be the perfect woman when we meet.I will honor you,cherish you and love you for eternity....But one wrong move from you and I will destroy you.I will not just do that.I will break your spirit and everything that you hold dear.I will have you begging for truck to come and take your punk ass away from me,or maybe I might just push you in front of it and end your pathetic life.But even in death I will still be waiting,you will end up knocking on the devil's door and I am going to be the one who answers.I will take everything you hold dear and burn it down to the grown and make you lick the ashes off my feet.You will have to answer to me for everything that you do.I am your angel but I am also your reaper,I am your Saint but I am also the atrocity that you stupidly fell for.I am like no other woman,I can not be beaten and I will never lose grip of the noose you call "My hands around your neck"I am the perfect woman.....and you will be my not so perfect man.You ever hear the old saying "The devil must be beating his wife cause it is sunny and raining at the same time",well every time they hear you scream they are going to be saying,"She must be beating his ass again''cause he is wailing in pain,but no one is going to help you oh no..I will give you ever lasting beautiful to hold in your arms.......But one wrong move and I will rip those same arms out of their sockets.Do you want to take that risk,just come alittle closer and give me a kiss.......

Oddly enough she always wanted me to write something like this for her,well here it is.I hope that she enjoys it and you aswell.Also this is not my ''other'' Ex,this is the crazy one that I was with.This is my first GF,my second one.....she is just terrible.This one enjoyed my writing but was just crazy.We kinda ended things on a bad note so I guess I can see what she has to say.Anyway enjoy the story catch you laterz.

Your Insanity My fury.

I am your insanity.I am the thing that makes love to your mind all night long.I am the blanket that keeps your warm during the cold.Your insanity will be the spark that start the fire called your fury.I will protect you from all the people who speak down to you,I will make your mind do unspeakable things.Your insanity is the wonderful drug that can take all of the pain of the world away from you.But it is not all me..I cling to you because the fury that you give off makes me stronger.I cling to you because we are an amazing duo.You are my partner in crime .I am with you because you are beautiful and I love you.I love you and your evil little mind,it gives me so much to work with.Together we can take over,together will be unstoppable.I make some of your most violent actions happen,and you make some of my most insane ideas come to life.Together we have passion,together we have ideals like no other.You are my Misses Big bad and together we will eat those three little piggies.I am your insanity and your are my fury.Together we are.....

I had to be quick with writing this little poem/story thing.I promised someone special a while back that I would write this.There is a longer story that I am working on[writing in a note book]that is in the same spirit as this short poem.I needed to do something to take my mind off what I am going through.