Thanx mate. yeah i know about the spelling errors ill fix that for the next piece.
and grammer: well i talk better english then her so you can judge how it goes when she tries to teach grammer. the books just have poor job of making you learn it.
the piece plays in the oblivion universe by the way, just wanted to add that. hey but im happy you liked it :D
[QUOTE="Rintaran"]Not too bad. For an opening scene it definitely has an appeal to it, though you'll want to embellish your descriptions a little further. I still have no idea what your main character looks like beyond army fatigues. The combat scenes could also use more description, and some embellishments for epic actions. This opening leaves enough hidden that you want to continue to read the story. I would recommend using the words instead of numbers, but that's just a preference. Other than that, this portion is pretty good (aside from editing from grammar and spelling, but that doesn't come until after you're satisfied with any revisions). If I were to guess, this would be the opening prologue, and it would end right at the dangling yell for Nick. The first "chapter" of the fan-fic would likely go into the background, what happened before he rushed home, and work from there. Eventually this prologue would be re-used in a future chapter, and then it would continue through to the final resolution. That'd be my guess, but I'm not familiar with Kill.Switch either. Keep writing. irmeleeman5995
About the timeline: Yeah that's what I was thinking too. Come back to it after working your way up.
funny thing is you guys allmost guessed it, im at school at the moment and have allot of work cut out form me. but indeed i was gonna take a path as you guys suggested, and yeah indeed ill make sure ill describe the guy ill also see if i can find the video of the scene that i wrote down. this scene ties in with the story and you can judge how good i described it.
ah yess thanks for that. yeah about the captions: i wrote it on my laptop and i still need to install word on that. currently i am using wordpad and it doest add Captions at the beginning of scentences. also englisch is not my birth language so sometimes i might spell some words wrong but you are right i will spell check it better next time, also : yeah im used to bumping sometimes so ill stop that from now on :D
Log in to comment