Lost Planet 3: Space Janitor!

User Rating: 4 | Lost Planet 3 PC
This is most likely the most boring game of all year. You play as a guy called Jim Peyton, who looks like a mixture of Nicholas Cage and an avocado. You have a beard. You are a mechanic who controls a big robot, called a RIG. You fight giant bugs on an ice planet. Doesn't sound so bad on paper does it?

And at first, it isn't. The characters are reasonably interesting, there's a decent amount of atmosphere to go around, and the story looks like it might be pretty good. Except it isn't.

You'll spend 10 hours or so (which will feel like 10 years) going through boring ice corridors shooting the same 5-6 bugs over and over again, doing nothing but chores in the form of fetch quests that require you to fix things.

The whole story is told through flashbacks with old Jim basically lying on his deathbed, but nothing in the "present" is ever shown or explained (who are they running from in the beginning? why is Jim telling his grandchild this story instead of his son, who is never seen once despite being alluded to several times?).

At one point, it looks as if the story might pick up, but after you explore a boring science facility filled with facehuggers (that you'll shoot with pulse rifles while music from Alien play in the background), you just go back to doing more boring chores until you are about 90% through the game, where the story finally starts to do anything. Ofc, this is met by disjointed cutscenes where the characters will jump from location to location while you are shooting some guys who suffer from some of the worst AI I have ever seen. Then you get a boring boss fight (about the only one that isn't repeated at least 2 times over throughout the game) and an epilogue that is supposed to set the game up for the first Lost Planet, since this is a prequel.

It's weird really; Lost Planet 3 is a perfectly playable game in every sense of the word - it's just god damn boring, puttering in the pot for 9 hours until something finally happens. It's like watching Alien, only that the Alien doesn't show up until there's 15 min left of the movie, and when it finally appears, it's just an underwhelming conflict quickly solved before the credits are rolled. Zzz...