I need bleach for my eyes.
A man (or woman/hermaphrodite/cyborg/alien/etc if that's what you would prefer) breaks into your home and holds a gun to your head with his right hand. In his left hand, he presents you a copy of Golden Axe: Beast Rider. He then asks, "The choice is yours, will you pick a nine millimeter slug in your cerebellum and spend a life as a mentally handicapped person bagging groceries for a living or will you play this game?"
I can say that the former is a far better choice than trying to play this awful game. Because at least with a bullet in the head and impaired cognitive functions might make you enjoy this game (and life would be a fun colorful adventure... EVERYDAY! YAAAY!). There is no, I repeat in caps for emphasis, NO redeeming value of this game, unless you seriously have no access to images of scantly clad females (you loser). Everything about Golden Axe: Beast Riders is stupid. The controls are terrible, but jump on a beast's back, they become far worse. The combat is just a boring mess. The characters and enemies are all really ugly. The sound is terrible.
If only Sega put time into their other games, like bringing a patch to a least update the PS3 version's Virtua Fighter 5 with at least Version C (R would be saying too much).
Whatever... avoid this game.
The best part of this game was, I have a family friend who works for Sega, so I didn't spend a cent on this game, and I got 16 dollars when trading it in (sweet deal).