Stanford, Conn -- In stunning news today, WWE terminated all of it's contracted wrestlers, except for Paul Lavesque, AKA Triple H.
The terminations began last week with former ECW champion Rhyno, after an incident with his estranged wife at a WrestleMania after party. Followed soon by manager Paul Bearer, which was no surprise since he has not been used in a year. But the biggest surprise was the release of Matt Hardy.
Hardy has been out with an knee injury for over four months, add to that the very public situation with ex-girlfriend Lita and friend Edge. The WWE terminated him over his handling of his personal problems in the public forum.
But the terminations did not end there...
As Vince McMahon made his way to the arena for tonight's Raw, his driver hit a speed bump. Vince was reading over Hardy's contract, when he suffered a massive paper cut. He Fired the driver and drove himself to the Raw show.
Then when McMahon arrived at the arena, he slipped on dog droppings near the back entrance. The situation did not help when 15 wrestlers, including Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels, were laughing at what had happened. The wrestlers offered to help Vince up, but in another fit of rage fired all 15 wrestlers.
Once news spread inside to management and the show writers, concern about the show were met with more anger from Vince. Telling them to "mind their own business" and "I'm Vince McMahon, and I can do what I want !". Then he proceeded to fire the entire backstage staff.
The final nail was met when Vince fired all other Raw Wrestlers that were not the room with him at that moment. The only Raw wrestler spared was Vince's son-in-law,Triple H . He asked Vince was he also fired, he replied with " No I could never fire you, cause your family and America will never get tired of you".
Then Vince had an idea. He proceeded to call management on the Thursday night show, SmackDown!, and had everyone there fired.
After Raw went off the air, with only Triple H wrestling an invisible bear for two hours. Vince realised the mistake he made and tried to get all parties terminated back. But it was too late as news of Ted Turner signing all former WWE talent to contracts with his company.
A spokesman for Turner said. "Ted has no interest in wrestling, but he figures this is his chance to get the last "screw you" to Vince. So the wrestlers are going to sit on their asses for 3 years and get paid a lot to do it. Much like when WCW was in business."
Now With the WWE in a desperate situation their only salvation, in Vince's words, is Triple H. Both shows will feature him for all of the 2 hours. His announced opponents for Thursday night is a handicap match against the ghosts of Andre the Giant and Big John Studd.
*this is just a joke on thespoof.com and shouldn't be taken seriously*
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