Piece Removed - 5-21-10

:shock:

That was crazy awesome dude...:!: 

Wow! For such a short piece, that makes an impact. It almost sounds like something one of those really dark characters would say just after the screen fades out into blackness. I like how you have the literal relationship between the eyes being windows, and then being robbed blind and then you've also got the ethereal concept of stealing someone's soul. It's well balanced, and fits the title as well. When I first saw this topic, I expected a story about a thief, but this is awesome. :D I don't know how you could improve it without taking away from the effect it has because of its length, but I've gotta say that it's really good. :)EndlessGame

*nods head to everything* 

Thanks a lot you two, I'm glad you liked it. :D

I don't know how you could improve it without taking away from the effect it has because of its length, but I've gotta say that it's really good. EndlessGame

Really, the length is something I argued with myself about for a while.  I kept trying to add to it, but the more I added, the more it seemed to detract from what I had initially started with.  The only thing I don't like is that it seems so...one trick pony, if you know what I mean.  Like wow, EtherTwilight can write four solid, albeit short, lines...then what? :

Oh well.

I've never really been a "long poetry" person (except for one poem about the Vietnam war which actually made me cry), so I don't hold the length against this poem.

It is a good poem - it impacts you instantly and still has some nice room for interpretation.

Thanks a lot you two, I'm glad you liked it. :D

[quote="EndlessGame"]I don't know how you could improve it without taking away from the effect it has because of its length, but I've gotta say that it's really good. EtherTwilight

Really, the length is something I argued with myself about for a while.  I kept trying to add to it, but the more I added, the more it seemed to detract from what I had initially started with.  The only thing I don't like is that it seems so...one trick pony, if you know what I mean.  Like wow, EtherTwilight can write four solid, albeit short, lines...then what? :

Oh well.

Well, since it can have a lot of interpretations, I don't think it's a one trick pony.   And this is only one of your pieces of work, here you've proven you can make a strong impact in a few lines, but I'm sure you'll have another piece of work somewhere that proves you can effectively tell a lengthy story.   The law for long stories: waffling is fun. :D

I like this poem. Interesting play on words, how did you get the inspiration?Uziel126

Listening to a ton of Pig Destroyer and The Blood Brothers.  More so the Pig Destroyer. :P