A Rant About Hipsters (and how to tell if you, too, are a hipster!)

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_IronManDude_

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#1 _IronManDude_
Member since 2008 • 1595 Posts

As some of you may know, every decade we, as a people, seem to go through trends. In the seventies it was the hippies. In the eighties is was, for men, metal, and for women, leg warmers and short hair and generally looking like Brigitte Nielsen. In the nineties it was the grungies and the "yo yo yo poppin' fresh" Will Smith gangstas. And, in the noughties (oi, it's because I've been watching Doctor Who recently, innit), it was the grungies' horrible (and less lyrically talented) offspring, the emos, and more importantly the "make it rain" gangstas.

But, in the tens, we face a group more horrible... more devious... more mainstream then they think...

THE ATTACK OF THE HIPSTERS WHO YOU'VE PROBABLY NEVER HEARD OF! (cue scary organ music and thunder sounds)

Indeed! Hipsters are possibly the worst new "phase" in a long time, because if you aren't careful, you'll find yourself being called a hipster, too! Oh no!

But worry not, for with _IMD_ Tech's Question & Answer™ technology, you, too, can learn whether or not you, too, are a hipster!

DO YOU...
  • [] -- Have any opinions that even slightly differ from the generally accepted norm?
  • [] -- Listen to any music that just happens to not be Justin Bieber or Lady Gaga?
  • [] -- Play games that aren't Call of Duty 22 (now with a slightly new texture on the pistol!)?
  • [] -- Watch TV shows that aren't Glee or So You Think You Can Be America's Next Top Survivor: Totally Not Washed-Up Celebrity Edition?
  • [] -- Enjoy anything at all that might be slightly above the level of the mind-numbingly stupid horse pookie that gets shoved down the throats of the public?


If you answered "yes, Todd" to any of these questions, you got my name wrong, jerkweed. But, YOU ARE A HIPSTER! Congratulations! Here is an H&M gift card, a copy of In the Airplane Over the Sea, a copy of Minecraft, and one of those shirts that says "there are ten kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't". Thank you for playing the game, and remember: even if you win, we all lose.

--

Alright, so I'm not going to be in character this entire blog. But I swear I made my point! Y'know, I've been called so many things in my time: a nerd (which I totally am), an emo, a skater (which I totally was, unfortunately), and more recently a hipster. Now, I don't know who decided that liking metal and not wearing bright colors made you an emo, but I was able to get past that. But the fact is, I guess I am a hipster. Statistically, anyway. There's no real way around it. Is it really my fault that the only kind of music I enjoy just HAPPENS to be really obscure? Is it my fault that I think the entire Final Fantasy series is incredibly stupid and highly overrated? Is it my fault that I understand that most popular music and popular television are all ****ing horrible?

The answer is no. I don't take pride in the obscurity of my favorite bands, I encourage others to go and listen to them. I know a good and well-crafted storyline, and apparently there are thousands of Final Fantasy fans and Anime fans who do not. I don't do, say or wear anything "ironically" (and when I see people who do, I recognize that they generally do not understand what "ironic" means). 

And yeah. Real hipsters are incredibly annoying. But there's a difference between just disagreeing with everyone about everything just to stir the ****, and actually having honest opinions that happen to be different than others. People don't seem to understand what a hipster actually is, but, oh, that doesn't stop them from throwing the word around. I've been called a hipster for entirely opposite and contradictory reasons -- several times.

God knows (a God you've probably never heard of, bro) I didn't fully understand what they were, until I did some research (read: Wikipedia). And then I still didn't know who they were! So, I did more research (read: ED), and found everything I needed to know. And then, through further study (read: the website without a name) I found an entirely conflicting explanation! 

Jesus! Any group that's that ambiguous is not a group, it's just an insult. Calling someone a hipster is essentially equivalent to simply calling them pretentious.

On the other hand, ask anybody who knows me: I just try to to fit in as well as possible. And if that means being myself and being unashamed about it -- I guess I can live with technically being a hipster.

For _IMD_ Tech, this has been _IMD_. Please go out and buy albums by Ayreon, OSI, Porcupine Tree and any other bands I listen to. Please think for yourself, make your own opinions and stick to them no matter what the dumbasses say. Please play the games you WANT to play, not just what Gamespot says is a must buy. Seriously. As a Metal Gear fan, I really hated MGS4, and GS gave that a 10.

Do what you want until it gets you in legal trouble. Beware of flying cupcakes.

P.S.: I typed this up on my WINDOWS PC. Yeah.

P.P.S.: Ever notice how the GS text editor reads anything ending with "ing" or any word with an apostrophe as a misspelling? Weird.

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waZelda

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#2 waZelda
Member since 2006 • 2956 Posts
I never knew what a hipster was either. I have never been called one though and have rarely seen it in use. I've more often seen people being called "elitists" or "music snobs" for liking different music and games.
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Foolz3h

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#3 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts
I thought hipsters liked Lady Gaga on an ironic level.
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Sharpie125

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#4 Sharpie125
Member since 2005 • 3904 Posts

That checklist makes me out to be a hipster >: (!

It's not my fault Glee and Call of Duty sucks >_>. I'm fairly anti-hipster, though the only hipster thing about me is that I'm a huge fan of The National. For whatever reason, people think only hipsters listen to TN. WTH!