The PUSH Writing Central

I read it mate; that was a first chapter I think I remember you saying? I'd be interested to know where you're going with it actually; is Cardio going to gain 'super powers'? Or is he merely going to become bricked and a ladies man e.t.c, and find a struggle to deal with a change of lifestyle? Clearly Von is bad news, though I guess you'll elaborate later on why he's such a bad ass, which will be interesting to see! :)

One main thing I picked up on was stuff like this 'Von is shocked to hear that. Wow, really, that I didn't know, oh man, that has to suck. '. Perhaps when conveying people's feelings, instead of saying what they're feeling and following it with some dialogue, do something such as ' "Wow, really, that I did not know. Oh man, that has to suck" Von said remorsefully, his face full of concern.' So basically, depict how he would look when feeling remorseful (or perhaps faking remorse!) perhaps?

There's some good characterisation though; there's a clear distinction between the characters. Cardio is weedy and pathetic, John is the protective brother and perhaps voice of reason, and Von is the antagonist. So there's a clear distinction between who is performing which role, which is always good.

I read it mate; that was a first chapter I think I remember you saying? I'd be interested to know where you're going with it actually; is Cardio going to gain 'super powers'? Or is he merely going to become bricked and a ladies man e.t.c, and find a struggle to deal with a change of lifestyle? Clearly Von is bad news, though I guess you'll elaborate later on why he's such a bad ass, which will be interesting to see! :)

One main thing I picked up on was stuff like this 'Von is shocked to hear that. Wow, really, that I didn't know, oh man, that has to suck. '. Perhaps when conveying people's feelings, instead of saying what they're feeling and following it with some dialogue, do something such as ' "Wow, really, that I did not know. Oh man, that has to suck" Von said remorsefully, his face full of concern.' So basically, depict how he would look when feeling remorseful (or perhaps faking remorse!) perhaps?

There's some good characterisation though; there's a clear distinction between the characters. Cardio is weedy and pathetic, John is the protective brother and perhaps voice of reason, and Von is the antagonist. So there's a clear distinction between who is performing which role, which is always good.

DarthJohnova

As for Cardio, that remains a secret along with what Von would do.

Yeah I should do more of that for expressing how the characters act in situations like that.

Well thanks, I wanted all the characters to be varied, and what did you think of Catherine and Rutherford?

[QUOTE="DarthJohnova"]

I read it mate; that was a first chapter I think I remember you saying? I'd be interested to know where you're going with it actually; is Cardio going to gain 'super powers'? Or is he merely going to become bricked and a ladies man e.t.c, and find a struggle to deal with a change of lifestyle? Clearly Von is bad news, though I guess you'll elaborate later on why he's such a bad ass, which will be interesting to see! :)

One main thing I picked up on was stuff like this 'Von is shocked to hear that. Wow, really, that I didn't know, oh man, that has to suck. '. Perhaps when conveying people's feelings, instead of saying what they're feeling and following it with some dialogue, do something such as ' "Wow, really, that I did not know. Oh man, that has to suck" Von said remorsefully, his face full of concern.' So basically, depict how he would look when feeling remorseful (or perhaps faking remorse!) perhaps?

There's some good characterisation though; there's a clear distinction between the characters. Cardio is weedy and pathetic, John is the protective brother and perhaps voice of reason, and Von is the antagonist. So there's a clear distinction between who is performing which role, which is always good.

mitu123

As for Cardio, that remains a secret along with what Von would do.

Yeah I should do more of that for expressing how the characters act in situations like that.

Well thanks, I wanted all the characters to be varied, and what did you think of Catherine and Rutherford?

[QUOTE="mitu123"]

[QUOTE="DarthJohnova"]

I read it mate; that was a first chapter I think I remember you saying? I'd be interested to know where you're going with it actually; is Cardio going to gain 'super powers'? Or is he merely going to become bricked and a ladies man e.t.c, and find a struggle to deal with a change of lifestyle? Clearly Von is bad news, though I guess you'll elaborate later on why he's such a bad ass, which will be interesting to see! :)

One main thing I picked up on was stuff like this 'Von is shocked to hear that. Wow, really, that I didn't know, oh man, that has to suck. '. Perhaps when conveying people's feelings, instead of saying what they're feeling and following it with some dialogue, do something such as ' "Wow, really, that I did not know. Oh man, that has to suck" Von said remorsefully, his face full of concern.' So basically, depict how he would look when feeling remorseful (or perhaps faking remorse!) perhaps?

There's some good characterisation though; there's a clear distinction between the characters. Cardio is weedy and pathetic, John is the protective brother and perhaps voice of reason, and Von is the antagonist. So there's a clear distinction between who is performing which role, which is always good.

DarthJohnova

As for Cardio, that remains a secret along with what Von would do.

Yeah I should do more of that for expressing how the characters act in situations like that.

Well thanks, I wanted all the characters to be varied, and what did you think of Catherine and Rutherford?

[QUOTE="DarthJohnova"][QUOTE="mitu123"] Yes, it's the 1st Chapter out of 6, each chapter is pretty long.

As for Cardio, that remains a secret along with what Von would do.

Yeah I should do more of that for expressing how the characters act in situations like that.

Well thanks, I wanted all the characters to be varied, and what did you think of Catherine and Rutherford?

mitu123

I've decided to start a new short story. I guess I'll try my hand at Sci-Fi without knowing anything about technology or space or science fiction...Minishdriveby

You only need imagination and a spot of research to write anything you want.

[QUOTE="Minishdriveby"]I've decided to start a new short story. I guess I'll try my hand at Sci-Fi without knowing anything about technology or space or science fiction...Brown9

You only need imagination and a spot of research to write anything you want.

No one's contributed anything in a whiole, so ehre's a poem I wrote whilst very tired.

Whatever the Weather we Knew

If ever there was

What we once knew

Then whatever there were

Is forever gone

For whatever the weather we knew

Whether we knew it or not

Don't you see?

Across the sea there be an endless tree

Sailing on the midnight wind

Forever adrift there it flies

But the many flies flew

And once we see

There's no turning back

My back is turned now

But we get back to forever

For there will ever never be the same things

Even as we see the something

That looms like a loon in the wind

If truly we treat cruelly those who know

Then there can be no way

Never again will we truly forget

For getting on in life is a way of regret

But whatever the whether we knew is forever lost

It's dead, cold and covered in frost

And if death comes a knockin then you best be blockin

You better be looking at the clockin on the wall

And if the rooster starts a cluckin then in the skeleton comes a
truckin

Forever lost in the found land

I have found a new land

One where the people forever dance

For ever whatever the weather we knew

Whether we knew it or not

For truly if life is a stage

Then through ever whatever there is

Nothing beyond the truth of what we see

But beyond the sea there lies a place

In which we see many a face

Of those thrown aside and forgotten

For if we've gotten through

To the endless pews

Then maybe we shant all be damned

For if we've dammed our minds then we've damned our souls

The soles of our feet will grow weary and old

Along with the sea of faces

We shall see the places

In which we once knew

The new things in life aren't free

But if we can grow over our fears

We can shake the many hours form our ears

If only we could see that throughever whatever

The weather may come

Regardless of whether

We can catch the feather

And finally reach that gun

But alas we only cling

To forgotten beasts

Of many days hence

But if only there were some true way

To slaughter the ones

We could finally break free

Of the ties that bind

And in doing so

We finally see-

We finally see that there is not enough time

Not enough time to tie our knots

Not enough time to see what we've got

Not enough time to hear the cries

Not enough time to see the skies

Not enough time

Not enough time

Not enough time to have it all

We fall

And we fall

And in the fall the world dies

And still...

Still we fall

[QUOTE="Brown9"]

[QUOTE="Minishdriveby"]I've decided to start a new short story. I guess I'll try my hand at Sci-Fi without knowing anything about technology or space or science fiction...DarkLink77

You only need imagination and a spot of research to write anything you want.

No one's contributed anything in a whiole, so ehre's a poem I wrote whilst very tired.

turtlethetaffer

People have shared stuff through links. At least I'm certain I did.

I'd comment on your poem, but I dislike poetry in general and am no good critiquing it so I won't even patronize you by saying it's good without really analyzing it.

[QUOTE="turtlethetaffer"]

No one's contributed anything in a whiole, so ehre's a poem I wrote whilst very tired.

Brown9

People have shared stuff through links. At least I'm certain I did.

I'd comment on your poem, but I dislike poetry in general and am no good critiquing it so I won't even patronize you by saying it's good without really analyzing it.

I just meant no one has posted anything in the past few days it seems.

[QUOTE="Brown9"]

[QUOTE="turtlethetaffer"]

No one's contributed anything in a whiole, so ehre's a poem I wrote whilst very tired.

turtlethetaffer

People have shared stuff through links. At least I'm certain I did.

I'd comment on your poem, but I dislike poetry in general and am no good critiquing it so I won't even patronize you by saying it's good without really analyzing it.

I just meant no one has posted anything in the past few days it seems.

[QUOTE="DarkLink77"][QUOTE="Brown9"]

You only need imagination and a spot of research to write anything you want.

BrunoBRS

[QUOTE="DarkLink77"][QUOTE="Brown9"]

You only need imagination and a spot of research to write anything you want.

BrunoBRS

Pretty much every great science fiction novel ever written disagrees with you.DarkLink77

I don't read as much as I should, DL, but enlighten me:

What are some good (in your opinion) sci-fi novels?

Horror-Comedy.

I'm currently back in film production after a few years. So hopefully I can start entertaining you guy s abit.