My most despised video game character

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Posted by Jackamomo (2156 posts) -

Mario.

What is intended to be an easy going, happy go lucky, cheeky scamp, just comes across as cloying and sycophantic to me.

It is the definitive mascot for Nintendo and perfectly encapsulates it’s design philosophy. Which is… Treat them like children. That way, they can’t be critical of the quality of the game design as it’s aimed at kids, so therefore has set a lower bar lower in terms of game complexity, both mechanically and thematically.

He is always wearing a stupid smug, self satisfied grin with the wide unblinking eyes of a physchopathic killer. His choice in women are mute timid beauty queens and he brutally strikes animals round the back of the head and slaughters wildlife by the million.

There’s nothing to relate Mario to a real human who has doubts, thoughts or emotions. Life for Mario is just one big long walk in the park. Sure he has to rescue the princess (first name irrelevant, apparently, she’s just a squeeze) but he never breaks a sweat and his dumb unflinching grinning mug never falters.

I hate Mario because he is a racist stereotype, cruel to animals and depiction of humanity that sidesteps any allusion to depth or complexity, in favour of simply grinning and being upbeat.

Sure, you can say "It's just a game, it's meant to be relaxing . Why are you taking it so seriously?!"

Well, because, as a creator of fiction and mass media, Nintendo has a responsibility to it's audience to both entertain and educate. Education isn't stupid spelling games or "can you say, 'bank'? B.A.N.K.". No. Education is preparing young minds for the horror that is real life, not coddling them into a primary coloured blanket of simplistic platitudes.

Mario is the most 2 dimensional character ever created and a detriment to human culture as a whole.

Avatar image for fedor
#1 Posted by Fedor (5265 posts) -

Mario is Hitler confirmed?

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#2 Edited by Jackamomo (2156 posts) -

@fedor: The moustache is suspicious...

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#3 Posted by JustPlainLucas (79358 posts) -

How can you not love that face, though?

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#4 Posted by True_Link (243 posts) -

Are you really complaining about characters in a media where you have KIDS playing mass murder games like the Battle Royale genre, call of duty, Battlefield and are constantly yelling on voice chat that they'll kill you and rape your mother? Like, for real? lol

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#5 Posted by lamprey263 (36174 posts) -

Adam Jensen ruins Deus Ex for me... that and the games just suck, but yeah, think I hate him the most.

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#6 Posted by Jackamomo (2156 posts) -

@JustPlainLucas: it's when you shave him he gets really sinister.

Avatar image for uninspiredcup
#7 Posted by uninspiredcup (34288 posts) -

Be hard to top this prick.

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#8 Posted by onesiphorus (2928 posts) -

I really do not see how this is even relevant to System Wars.

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#9 Edited by Jackamomo (2156 posts) -

@uninspiredcup: that's a standard Capcom/Square Enix teenage 'heart-throb' character of know-it-all smugness I've come to expect from Japan as whole really.

TBH he could be any one of hundreds of characters. Call me racist, but I can't tell the difference.

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#10 Posted by Ghosts4ever (10246 posts) -

Lara croft. By far worst character ever. All she does is whine like oh oh this is sooo hard.

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#11 Posted by Fedor (5265 posts) -

He besmirched Mario and therefore Nintendo. This post is about as System wars as it gets.

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#12 Posted by Robbie23 (381 posts) -

Lightning from Final Fantasy 13.

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#13 Posted by FireEmblem_Man (19789 posts) -

@onesiphorus said:

I really do not see how this is even relevant to System Wars.

He hates Nintendo, and hates it that they're not dead and Sega alive.

Avatar image for AcidTango
#14 Posted by AcidTango (1692 posts) -

I really hate this character

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#15 Posted by Jackamomo (2156 posts) -

@FireEmblem_Man: When Nintendo puts out a game I want to play I might change my mind.

Sega still makes money! Sega are still cool! :'(

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#16 Posted by FireEmblem_Man (19789 posts) -

@jackamomo: That's because Nintendo knows how to make money with their IP's, Sega sucked at promoting their's that wasn't Sonic

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#17 Posted by warmblur (2764 posts) -

I hate Wrench from Watch Dogs 2 man he is annoying.

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#18 Edited by Jackamomo (2156 posts) -

I also can't stand Alys Brangwin but for completely different reasons.

It is because she represent the transition of every anime character ever into an assh*le.

Alys Brangwin - Smug
Alys Brangwin - Smug

Alis Landale - Likeable
Alis Landale - Likeable

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#19 Posted by nintendoboy16 (36465 posts) -
@FireEmblem_Man said:
@onesiphorus said:

I really do not see how this is even relevant to System Wars.

He hates Nintendo, and hates it that they're not dead and Sega alive.

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#20 Posted by Gamerno6666 (6844 posts) -

Nathan Drake and Geralt

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#21 Posted by dimebag667 (1260 posts) -

BOI!!!! That little punk ruined that game for me.

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#22 Posted by deactivated-5cab66ac558b0 (78 posts) -

@uninspiredcup said:

Be hard to top this prick.

Lol, well I guess we all have different taste.

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#23 Posted by uninspiredcup (34288 posts) -

@jackamomo said:

I also can't stand Alys Brangwin but for completely different reasons.

It is because she represent the transition of every anime character ever into an assh*le.

Alys Brangwin - Smug
Alys Brangwin - Smug
Alis Landale - Likeable
Alis Landale - Likeable

Technically not Alis Landale. At least according to this pre-2000 Geocities page.

http://users.skynet.be/fa258499/beyondalgo/theory/alis-alys.html

Avatar image for techhog89
#24 Edited by Techhog89 (3780 posts) -

Why are Sony fanboys here so salty over everything related to Nintendo? Lmao

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#25 Posted by Jackamomo (2156 posts) -

@techhog89: I have no opinion on Sony, they are a faceless corporation as far as I'm concerned. Nintendo's existence on the other hand, seems malevolent and offends me.

@uninspiredcup I know they're two different (fictional) people.

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#26 Posted by uninspiredcup (34288 posts) -

@jackamomo: The limited character interpretation in the original Phantasy lends to it's outlandish otherworldly feel I think. Almost like you are (and sort of are) controlling mythical avatars of heroes.

I find it draws you in a million times more so than something like Mass Effect where every character is defined and every character has something to say and every character has a story-arc.

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#27 Posted by Jackamomo (2156 posts) -

@uninspiredcup: quite.

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#28 Posted by Speeny (1874 posts) -

I think some people dislike Sora from Kingdom Hearts. Too much of a "goody two-shoes" type of character.

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#29 Posted by jcrame10 (5132 posts) -

Who hates Mario?

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#30 Posted by uninspiredcup (34288 posts) -

@jcrame10 said:

Who hates Mario?

Jackamomo

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#31 Posted by mojito1988 (3672 posts) -

I hate Princess Peach.

30 years of saving that female dog and all Mario gets is a stupid kiss on the nose! (end of Super Mario 64) We all know she never gives it up.

Not only that, has she never heard of home security? No one gets kidnapped THAT MUCH!!

Princess Peach is the WORST.

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#32 Edited by Techhog89 (3780 posts) -

@jackamomo said:

@techhog89: I have no opinion on Sony, they are a faceless corporation as far as I'm concerned. Nintendo's existence on the other hand, seems malevolent and offends me.

@uninspiredcup I know they're two different (fictional) people.

Imagine being offended by a company existing.

Reminder that gaming as it is today would not exist if Nintendo and Mario never came along.

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#33 Edited by The_Deepblue (772 posts) -

I figured the OP would have Mario because it’s easy to dislike him. It’s also easy to like him. Characters in the Mario games are archetypes meant to convey a simple plot. Those games focus on gameplay. You’re not supposed to fall in love with Mario or feel some great empathy with him. You’re supposed to think about getting from point A to point B and have fun with the standard-setting platforming gameplay while doing it. I’d rather have an intentionally simple character than a pretentiously underdeveloped one. Game characters don’t have any real complexity. It doesn’t matter how many tear-jerking, infantile plot elements provoke these shallow characters to react, to emote. They’re all dull and lame.

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#34 Posted by That_Old_Guy (1236 posts) -

@uninspiredcup: that’s easy...Tidus.

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#35 Edited by I_P_Daily (12284 posts) -

The OP is a bit heavy when he describes Mario as most despised, but Mario sure is a simplistic little fella, and a boring one at that lol.

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#36 Posted by mrbojangles25 (44102 posts) -

My most despised is just about any boy-band-looking guy from any Japanese game that has them.

I

@JustPlainLucas said:

How can you not love that face, though?

Don't forget about the giant penis.

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#37 Edited by Jackamomo (2156 posts) -
@uninspiredcup said:

I find it draws you in a million times more so than something like Mass Effect where every character is defined and every character has something to say and every character has a story-arc.

Mass Effect is a space opera and more like an extended version of Home and Away but Summer Bay is the cosmos.

Phantasy Star is an epic like Homer's Odyssey. I didn't realise Alys appeared to Rhys as Alis. How confusing.

@techhog89: Reminder that gaming as it is today would not exist if Nintendo and Mario never came along.

The above absurd statement is why I hate Nintendo. Not only do they put out inferior product. They have convinced many people they are a christlike figure within the industry of computer gaming when in fact they are it's biggest hindrance to progress.

I will elaborate in an essay I'm still working on.

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#38 Posted by ___gamemaster__ (2676 posts) -

Rico from killzone is the obvious pick for me.

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#39 Posted by uninspiredcup (34288 posts) -

Home And Away is better than Mass Effect.

Fucking squid aliens is nowhere near on the same level as Alf Stewart.

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#40 Posted by Jackamomo (2156 posts) -

@uninspiredcup: Alf is an alien (but not the US sitcom puppet Alf), or a ghost... It got really weird towards the end.

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#41 Posted by Techhog89 (3780 posts) -
@jackamomo said:
@uninspiredcup said:

I find it draws you in a million times more so than something like Mass Effect where every character is defined and every character has something to say and every character has a story-arc.

Mass Effect is a space opera and more like an extended version of Home and Away but Summer Bay is the cosmos.

Phantasy Star is an epic like Homer's Odyssey. I didn't realise Alys appeared to Rhys as Alis. How confusing.

@techhog89: Reminder that gaming as it is today would not exist if Nintendo and Mario never came along.

The above absurd statement is why I hate Nintendo. Not only do they put out inferior product. They have convinced many people they are a christlike figure within the industry of computer gaming when in fact they are it's biggest hindrance to progress.

I will elaborate in an essay I'm still working on.

But it's a 100% true statement. Nintendo played a key role in how gaming has turned out today. How could anyone possibly deny that? You feel that they've contributed nothing to gaming in the past 40 years? Nothing at all?

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#42 Edited by Jackamomo (2156 posts) -

@techhog89:But it's a 100% true statement. Nintendo played a key role in how gaming has turned out today.

They have undoubtably affected the gaming landscape, that is true. But only in the US and Japan with any significance and it's not really all that significant.

You can buy a Wii for £20 which is cool if you are dirt poor but you won't find anything worth playing on it.

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#43 Posted by Techhog89 (3780 posts) -
@jackamomo said:

@techhog89:But it's a 100% true statement. Nintendo played a key role in how gaming has turned out today.

They have undoubtably affected the gaming landscape, that is true. But only in the US and Japan with any significance and it's not really all that significant.

You can buy a Wii for £20 which is cool if you are dirt poor but you won't find anything worth playing on it.

lmao

This is the most insane case of reverse fanboyism I've ever seen.

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#44 Posted by Sancho_Panzer (826 posts) -

He does blink.

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#45 Posted by adsparky (1436 posts) -

I hate Princess Peach, I disliked since the original Mario Kart, but after the ending in Odyssey I realized that i hate her, that's why i was cool with that bowsette fad not for bowsette herself, just because Peach deserves to be treated the way she treats the people around her.

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#46 Posted by I_P_Daily (12284 posts) -

@uninspiredcup said:

Home And Away is better than Mass Effect.

Fucking squid aliens is nowhere near on the same level as Alf Stewart.

As an Aussie all I can say is H&A is fucking embarrassing, and you've got to be a pommy right?

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#47 Edited by Raining51 (1142 posts) -
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Mario! Well he's not e for everyone I guess.....

The voice actor who plays his him is pretty amazing though Ilearned about him some time ago his name is Charles Martinet and he's got a great personality IMO.

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#48 Edited by Jackamomo (2156 posts) -

@raining51: The only version of Mario I like.

Bob mo-fo-ing Hoskins baby
Bob mo-fo-ing Hoskins baby

...was drunk all the way through filming.

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#49 Posted by Yams1980 (3556 posts) -

the main character Zak from the game Evil Islands. He may not look it, but his voice is annoying.

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#50 Posted by Robbie23 (381 posts) -

That annoying owl from Zelda OOT which never shuts up.