Feedback on my review?

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#1 Posted by alomatty (25 posts) -
@Gamespot Staff. I am aware of rules 7 and 8 in the Terms of Service (http://au.gamespot.com/misc/tos.html) although I am unaware if this applies as "advertising" since I am not trying to sell anything or gain money in any way. I am simply seeking feedback on a review I have written to gain personal skills for myself, I am in no way gaining anything for what I have written. If Gamespot staff find this to be breaking the rules please do not hesitate to remove my post. And if this is the case my apologies in advance. Now, I am posting this in the hopes of getting some feedback on my recently written review of "Hitman: Blood Money", any feedback would be greatly appreciated as this is my first ever written article, I am in no way comparing this to the Gamespot review on the same game. So if you have the time and would like to give some encouraging advice please have a look at my review here: http://bickos.net/wp/?page_id=22 and let me know what you think. Any feedback would be good, positive or negative as I can only improve from here. Thanks, and as stated above if this is against the rules please remove it, and it would be great if you could PM me clarifying the rules or perhaps even suggesting a location where I am allowed to get others opinions. Regards, Mathew Bickerton.
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#2 Posted by airshocker (31700 posts) -

Then post your review in the GameSpot section for the game. Don't link us to a website(advertising) in order to read it.

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#3 Posted by JigglyWiggly_ (24599 posts) -

Do you want grammar nazis?

If so, the 2nd sentence is too long:

The game focuses on a series of assassinations played out by your character, the more stealth you use in doing this results in a higher rating thus more money for each mission which you can use for upgrading weapons.

Could use more pictures etc.

Also, there is no point in reviewing mainstream games when there are already video reviews of them.

Go review Klonoa 2, dhat would be dhat.

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#4 Posted by James00715 (2484 posts) -

It doesn't matter whether you gain money from it or not. Actually, web traffic is worth money. Maybe you aren't taking advantage of it, but it's still advertising. If you want to get better at writing, your best bet is to join a website that fosters that. I'm sure you can find a community website where people will proofread your stuff and give you feedback.

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#5 Posted by alomatty (25 posts) -
Look, if it we're bad surely it would of been deleted by now? That's for your feedback JigglyWiggly. It doesn't seem that long? I was pulled up on this earlier and edited the guide a little for that, hmmm. "This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. Its like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbalssounds that say listen to this, it is important."
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#6 Posted by pianist (18899 posts) -

If no one is going to profit from this, you're welcome to post your review in your personal blog, and can post a link to your blog in your sig. If it's a game review, you can also find that game here on Gamespot and post your review there, provided it conforms to the ToS and review guidelines. However, you wouldn't be asking for or receiving written feedback in the latter situation.

Hope that helps!