Why You Should or Shouldn't Get Married!

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#1 Posted by Evil_Loli (98 posts) -

Here are some facts OT:

  • Studies show that married men are more likely to live longer but in 2009, a study showed that the average engagement ring cost $5,487.
  • Women are more educated and taking in higher incomes today, bringing more economic stability to the marriage.
  • You get cheaper insurance for having joint coverage as a married couple.
  • Divorce, if contested, can be a very lengthy and costly process, creating significant emotional or financial strain for all involved.
  • Getting married opens the door to a potentially wonderful extended family (in-laws) and can boost your status within the local community.

This is my own personal opinion. Only 2 people I personally know that are married are unhappy. Not saying that not getting married will make your life better if you’re already unhappy... but a bad marriage and stress of raising children can significantly decrease your happiness..... especially for women like myself who are expected to work and take care of the children at the same time.

If you’re unhappy, it’s better to not drag other people into your misery and that's all I got to say about it. Considering these facts, should or shouldn't you get married is the question?

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#2 Posted by X_Karen_x (366 posts) -

It sound like you overthink it. It okay it not uncommon to do this. Internet has make people quite close minded. It a huge generalization.

For an example: divorce it simple, people is just not know what to say but it go along with ignorance of today.

I know someone who think reading a publish book mean it a fact. I chuckle and say no. It is then when she throw temper tantrum.

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#3 Posted by Baconstrip78 (1258 posts) -

Get married if you’re planning on having kids. If you don’t then marriage serves no purpose.

I am 40, never want kids. My current girlfriend has been with me for 7 years. My previous one 9 years. Usually around the time they hit their late 20s/early 30s they start to head for the door because they want kids, which is fine. Always more fish in the sea. Just stay in shape, dress well, and you will find the next one before too long.

Compare it to the flip side of my sister, 42, married to a man she absolutely hates and is just starting on what will be a very messy divorce.

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#4 Edited by watercrack445 (1178 posts) -

I have two girlfriends, one is a quarter Filipino, one quarter Italian, and half Spanish. My other girlfriend is quarter Malaysian, one quarter Japanese and half chinese. I had a moral dilemma to choose who to to get married between two girls. So, I just decided to impregnate the two and not marry. I think I made an important life decision and just be proud of myself for once.

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#5 Edited by DaVillain- (34399 posts) -

Here's my own view of marriage, dafug is marriage going to prove? You can basically live with someone for the rest of your life without putting a ring on your finger. Most people love to hide behind paper work, that's all marriage is, paperwork, lawyers, Prenup. connections.

Love? I can love someone without a ring which I'm doing now, it's called living life, it's called understanding each other through better or worse, do you need a verbal agreement in order to do that? Boosting your connections. Yeah I guess that's what it's all about in life. Marry into a powerful family, get rich, and get richer. Welcome to the family right? That's how it works bra.

I'm pretty sure my views won't change. My last name doesn't mean shit, I come from a simple hard working family with a good head on my shoulders, I got nothing to lose! I pay taxes, I file for my tax returns. I'm a real keeper, fucking heart of gold this ol American boy that I am and God Bless the United States!

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#6 Posted by Mandzilla (3306 posts) -

@davillain-: I like your new sig and avatar.

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#7 Posted by Speeny (1106 posts) -

I don't believe in marriage personally. If the person really wants to then I'd consider it but, if they aren't fussed either way I don't mind. (My parents were never married even though my dad wanted it.)

I think if you've been with someone for over 10+ years and everything is fine, then, I wouldn't marry. It's common for people to say once they get married the relationship tends to fall apart.

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#8 Posted by DaVillain- (34399 posts) -

@mandzilla said:

@davillain-: I like your new sig and avatar.

Oh thanks :)

I used to watch the old cartoon series and I can hardly remember any of it, but I had low expectations with the new Carmen Sandiego Netflix and it turn out to be pretty good! I'm on the 3rd episode now, and given how the show has educational roots, I'm amused at the minor geographical and population trivia it just gave me. Even though I know this, I am also not at all up-to-date with the old material for this series, so this is kind of blind watch for me as it is. The first two episodes felt like I was watching Black Widow’s origin story from Marvel lol.

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#9 Posted by plageus900 (2621 posts) -

I'm happily married, however, unlike 60 years ago, there is no monetary value to getting married. Statistically, most marriages end in divorce, in which case, the man loses at least half his assets to his ex wife.

Do yourself a favor, love somebody, but don't get married.

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#10 Posted by XVision84 (15060 posts) -

Just came to say that I dig the avatar. She looks mad.

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#11 Posted by Shmiity (6222 posts) -

As a child of divorced parents, marriage is tough for me now. I don't know if I could ever get married.

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#12 Posted by Stranger_36 (625 posts) -

I don't want to get married. I like being by myself too much.

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#13 Posted by goodzorr (453 posts) -

My parents got divorced when I was 16, I got divorced when I was 27. Shit happens. I was with my ex-wife for 7 years, 3 were married. We met when we were 11, all seemed too good to be true. Then she was a cheating slag so turns out it was hahaha.

Been with my current girlfriend for 2 and a half years and we have a three month old. We want to get married in the future, but right now it's money we don't want to spend. I think it shows commitment.

Also, getting divorced cost me circa £300. It just takes a little bit of effort on your behalf. I also realised nobody gains anything from being a dick to each other, so I was civilised with my ex whilst we did proceedings and it all went through smoothly. We split the cost of the court fees (included in that £300). There was no point in butting heads because it draws the process out. I can be satisfied in knowing her life has gone downhill since, whilst mine has skyrocketed.

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#14 Posted by DaVillain- (34399 posts) -

@goodzorr said:

My parents got divorced when I was 16, I got divorced when I was 27. Shit happens. I was with my ex-wife for 7 years, 3 were married. We met when we were 11, all seemed too good to be true. Then she was a cheating slag so turns out it was hahaha.

Been with my current girlfriend for 2 and a half years and we have a three month old. We want to get married in the future, but right now it's money we don't want to spend. I think it shows commitment.

Also, getting divorced cost me circa £300. It just takes a little bit of effort on your behalf. I also realised nobody gains anything from being a dick to each other, so I was civilised with my ex whilst we did proceedings and it all went through smoothly. We split the cost of the court fees (included in that £300). There was no point in butting heads because it draws the process out. I can be satisfied in knowing her life has gone downhill since, whilst mine has skyrocketed.

I would suggest you read my post above. Just live together haply ever after without getting married is my advice, nothing more/less.

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#15 Posted by goodzorr (453 posts) -
@davillain- said:
@goodzorr said:

My parents got divorced when I was 16, I got divorced when I was 27. Shit happens. I was with my ex-wife for 7 years, 3 were married. We met when we were 11, all seemed too good to be true. Then she was a cheating slag so turns out it was hahaha.

Been with my current girlfriend for 2 and a half years and we have a three month old. We want to get married in the future, but right now it's money we don't want to spend. I think it shows commitment.

Also, getting divorced cost me circa £300. It just takes a little bit of effort on your behalf. I also realised nobody gains anything from being a dick to each other, so I was civilised with my ex whilst we did proceedings and it all went through smoothly. We split the cost of the court fees (included in that £300). There was no point in butting heads because it draws the process out. I can be satisfied in knowing her life has gone downhill since, whilst mine has skyrocketed.

I would suggest you read my post above. Just live together haply ever after without getting married is my advice, nothing more/less.

Nahhhh I see your point but I want my family to all have the same surname. I'm quite traditional like that. That first marriage was the mistake relationship of my life, but I still learned. My parents were married for 27 years, had two kids, but went their separate ways. Now my Dad is remarried and my step-mum is by FAR a much better suit to him than my own mum ever was. They're perfect together. That's how I view my relationship now compared to my previous. My mum's new husband is a dick but there ya go ha.

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#16 Posted by thereal25 (1688 posts) -

Life just seem so crazy-hectic the idea of having the extra pressure of marriage and children... urgh.

Also, never liked the "romantic" idea of spending thousands on a rock.

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#17 Posted by X_Karen_x (366 posts) -

@thereal25:

That all in your opinion. Like in op you make generalization.

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#18 Posted by Litchie (23099 posts) -

@davillain-: Agreed 100%. I respect couples that don't get married way more. Those people don't feel the need to be pretentious and prove to everyone that they love eachother. They are just with eachother because they love eachother. That's love for real.

Marriage is nothing. It's just some kind of status you can show other people. It has nothing to do with love.

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#19 Edited by Volsung (62 posts) -

I'd be very hesitant given the statistics and witnessing my own parent's divorce. Not only can divorces ruin your life but they can mess up your kids' lives as well.

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#20 Posted by Jacanuk (17676 posts) -

@davillain- said:

Here's my own view of marriage, dafug is marriage going to prove? You can basically live with someone for the rest of your life without putting a ring on your finger. Most people love to hide behind paper work, that's all marriage is, paperwork, lawyers, Prenup. connections.

Love? I can love someone without a ring which I'm doing now, it's called living life, it's called understanding each other through better or worse, do you need a verbal agreement in order to do that? Boosting your connections. Yeah I guess that's what it's all about in life. Marry into a powerful family, get rich, and get richer. Welcome to the family right? That's how it works bra.

I'm pretty sure my views won't change. My last name doesn't mean shit, I come from a simple hard working family with a good head on my shoulders, I got nothing to lose! I pay taxes, I file for my tax returns. I'm a real keeper, fucking heart of gold this ol American boy that I am and God Bless the United States!

Good points but you forget that marriage is not always just about "proving something" it´s also about security especially legally and about for some that perception they have of being with that person.

And for some women, it´s a dream they have had since they were kids ;)

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#21 Edited by mrbojangles25 (43058 posts) -

I am not against marriage, but I don't really see it as necessary or relevant these days; it's more of a social contract to procreate, which I find stupid because if people want kids they should just have kids.

There are some legal and financial benefits to it...I guess? But you can get all those with a simple civil union or whatever, right? There's also the whole "spouse" entry you need to put on medical forms, it'd be a shame if I couldn't see my loved one in the hospital because we technically are not family...but I've only seen that happen in movies.

With that said, if the person I love wanted to get married, I would indulge them, but I'd get a prenuptial agreement. And it'd have to be a small ceremony, like literally our immediate families and one or two friends each as best man and bridesmaid. No ring, spend that money on a vacation and/or home. Hopefully we'd have traveled so much at that point that we wouldn't even need a legit honeymoon; if she an I hadn't been travelling at least a couple trips per year at that point, she isn't the one for me.

As you can see, I am not very romantic :P

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#22 Posted by Lightening411 (13662 posts) -

Marriage is a very unsafe endeavor for men due to the fact that prenups can get overturned and asset protection is not foolproof. Throw in community property and alimony(in some cases lifetime alimony) and you will see that marriage is a terrible idea for men.

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#23 Posted by Jacanuk (17676 posts) -

@Lightening411 said:

Marriage is a very unsafe endeavor for men due to the fact that prenups can get overturned and asset protection is not foolproof. Throw in community property and alimony(in some cases lifetime alimony) and you will see that marriage is a terrible idea for men.

That is a very atypical view in 2019, who says the man has all the money or is the breadwinner ;)

(sorry someone had to say that) :D

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#24 Posted by shellcase86 (4255 posts) -

Grew up with parents who had a very strained marriage, and saw many adverse effects of a bad marriage.

Despite that, I'm for marriage. It's a decision my wife and I came to mutually. Regarding expensive rings and/or weddings: Don't feel like you have to go massively in-debt to marry someone. If you're of that mindset (or if the person you're marrying is), then reconsider marriage with that individual.

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#25 Posted by Lightening411 (13662 posts) -

@Jacanuk:

In most cases, the man is the breadwinner, that is why it is mostly men who have to pay alimony and give up half of what they have.

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#26 Posted by CrimsonBrute (25292 posts) -
@evil_loli said:
  • Studies show that married men are more likely to live longer but in 2009, a study showed that the average engagement ring cost $5,487.

SHHHHH!!! My wife might be hear!

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#27 Posted by theone86 (22337 posts) -
@crimsonbrute said:
@evil_loli said:
  • Studies show that married men are more likely to live longer but in 2009, a study showed that the average engagement ring cost $5,487.

SHHHHH!!! My wife might be hear!

Just tell her that's what you paid.

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#28 Edited by Evil_Loli (98 posts) -

Thanks for taking the time sharing your opinions on the pros/cons marriage life.

@x_karen_x said:

It sound like you overthink it. It okay it not uncommon to do this. Internet has make people quite close minded. It a huge generalization.

What makes you think I was overthinking this? It is true from the studies I have gather regarding marriage life.

@speeny said:

I don't believe in marriage personally. If the person really wants to then I'd consider it but, if they aren't fussed either way I don't mind. (My parents were never married even though my dad wanted it.)

I think if you've been with someone for over 10+ years and everything is fine, then, I wouldn't marry. It's common for people to say once they get married the relationship tends to fall apart.

@davillain- said:

Here's my own view of marriage, dafug is marriage going to prove? You can basically live with someone for the rest of your life without putting a ring on your finger. Most people love to hide behind paper work, that's all marriage is, paperwork, lawyers, Prenup. connections.

Love? I can love someone without a ring which I'm doing now, it's called living life, it's called understanding each other through better or worse, do you need a verbal agreement in order to do that? Boosting your connections. Yeah I guess that's what it's all about in life. Marry into a powerful family, get rich, and get richer. Welcome to the family right? That's how it works bra.

I'm pretty sure my views won't change. My last name doesn't mean shit, I come from a simple hard working family with a good head on my shoulders, I got nothing to lose! I pay taxes, I file for my tax returns. I'm a real keeper, fucking heart of gold this ol American boy that I am and God Bless the United States!

You 2 share some really good pointers, especially you DaVillain. If the couples have been together for more then 10 years, I truly don't see the reasons to ever get married if that was the case.

@crimsonbrute said:
@evil_loli said:
  • Studies show that married men are more likely to live longer but in 2009, a study showed that the average engagement ring cost $5,487.

SHHHHH!!! My wife might be hear!

So it is true :)

But at the same time, it's rare for a guy to go spend that kind of money just for a simple ring. A $50 wedding ring, it will do the job and no one wouldn't be the wiser how much it cost, it's the thought that counts right?

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#29 Posted by schu (9988 posts) -

Almost every reason you listed seems like a terrible reason to get married to me.

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#30 Posted by CrimsonBrute (25292 posts) -

@theone86: @evil_loli: I told here where I got it from when I gave it to her and judging be her expression she had an idea how much i spent on it. I can guarantee it is nowhere near $5,487.

I just noticed the little whoopsie I made. lol

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#31 Posted by X_Karen_x (366 posts) -

@evil_loli:

Ha ha ha relationship study just make me laugh. Too many people to make a study. Just reading them it make more problem. It create second guessing. As an example with no disrespect it nice to learn how to ignore thing. I respond to you but have zero interest in reading rest of response. The response it is for you not me, so it not necessary to read what other say because it not something I care to. It a skill people learn when they get older it nice to stay out of other people business. And this something I tell my coworker almost everyday but she do not listen! Lol

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#32 Posted by THUMPTABLE (2058 posts) -

@Baconstrip78 said:

Get married if you’re planning on having kids. If you don’t then marriage serves no purpose.

I am 40, never want kids. My current girlfriend has been with me for 7 years. My previous one 9 years. Usually around the time they hit their late 20s/early 30s they start to head for the door because they want kids, which is fine. Always more fish in the sea. Just stay in shape, dress well, and you will find the next one before too long.

Compare it to the flip side of my sister, 42, married to a man she absolutely hates and is just starting on what will be a very messy divorce.

Why marry if you plan on having kids?

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#33 Posted by THUMPTABLE (2058 posts) -

@davillain- said:

Here's my own view of marriage, dafug is marriage going to prove? You can basically live with someone for the rest of your life without putting a ring on your finger. Most people love to hide behind paper work, that's all marriage is, paperwork, lawyers, Prenup. connections.

Love? I can love someone without a ring which I'm doing now, it's called living life, it's called understanding each other through better or worse, do you need a verbal agreement in order to do that? Boosting your connections. Yeah I guess that's what it's all about in life. Marry into a powerful family, get rich, and get richer. Welcome to the family right? That's how it works bra.

I'm pretty sure my views won't change. My last name doesn't mean shit, I come from a simple hard working family with a good head on my shoulders, I got nothing to lose! I pay taxes, I file for my tax returns. I'm a real keeper, fucking heart of gold this ol American boy that I am and God Bless the United States!

Are you taking the piss about your god blessing the US? Why do yanks even say that, it's such a bizarre and arrogant statement?

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#35 Posted by Mandzilla (3306 posts) -
@davillain- said:
@mandzilla said:

@davillain-: I like your new sig and avatar.

Oh thanks :)

I used to watch the old cartoon series and I can hardly remember any of it, but I had low expectations with the new Carmen Sandiego Netflix and it turn out to be pretty good! I'm on the 3rd episode now, and given how the show has educational roots, I'm amused at the minor geographical and population trivia it just gave me. Even though I know this, I am also not at all up-to-date with the old material for this series, so this is kind of blind watch for me as it is. The first two episodes felt like I was watching Black Widow’s origin story from Marvel lol.

She is such a cool character, on top of being educational haha. :D Might have to watch the new version also, pleased to hear it's good!

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#36 Posted by makemorelove (5 posts) -

too many responsibilities, less time for gaming. can't sum up that thing better.

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#37 Edited by KungfuKitten (26137 posts) -

I don't see the benefits. Except religiously if that's a thing. Of course if you want to, then go for it.

In my country you can both sign a piece paper to become 'registered partners.' No ceremony or anything and no expenses really, it's just a formality to take care of some of the financial problems if you ever separate.

Looking at that steep pricepoint of the average engagement ring that sounds like a very high pricepoint, and I bet most people would not be able to afford the ring let alone an 'average' wedding these days. I think it's silly to go into a debt that you will suffer from for a long time potentially just to have a nice wedding. But currently I'm not in luvvv. I know how love can change all meaning.

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#38 Posted by shellcase86 (4255 posts) -

@KungfuKitten said:

Looking at that steep pricepoint of the average engagement ring that sounds like a very high pricepoint, and I bet most people would not be able to afford the ring let alone an 'average' wedding these days. I think it's silly to go into a debt that you will suffer from for a long time potentially just to have a nice wedding. But currently I'm not in luvvv. I know how love can change all meaning.

That's a fair point -- the financial burden modern American society places on weddings is troubling. A couple would benefit by considering the costs and opting for something more modest and affordable. A level-headed couple like that would likely also be able to enjoy a loving, fulfilling marriage.

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#39 Posted by DaVillain- (34399 posts) -

@THUMPTABLE said:

Are you taking the piss about your god blessing the US? Why do yanks even say that, it's such a bizarre and arrogant statement?

LOL did my words saying God bless the United States offended you? My oh my, I never knew saying such a thing is a offended word from the likes of you.

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#40 Posted by THUMPTABLE (2058 posts) -

@davillain- said:
@THUMPTABLE said:

Are you taking the piss about your god blessing the US? Why do yanks even say that, it's such a bizarre and arrogant statement?

LOL did my words saying God bless the United States offended you? My oh my, I never knew saying such a thing is a offended word from the likes of you.

C'mon dero, you didn't answer my question.
Offend no....

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#41 Posted by Horgen (119427 posts) -

@crimsonbrute said:

@theone86: @evil_loli: I told here where I got it from when I gave it to her and judging be her expression she had an idea how much i spent on it. I can guarantee it is nowhere near $5,487.

I just noticed the little whoopsie I made. lol

I wonder... Is that number heavily affected by those rich (and famous) getting those ridiculous expensive rings?

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#42 Posted by INeedABetterOne (24 posts) -

You can still be in a long term relationship there's no difference (besides gov benefits of course) marriage is just a silly old social construct

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#43 Edited by shellcase86 (4255 posts) -

@ineedabetterone said:

You can still be in a long term relationship there's no difference (besides gov benefits of course) marriage is just a silly old social construct

According to OP, married men live longer on average.

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#44 Posted by Cooperino217 (16 posts) -

how can i say. Love and marriage are different matters.

when you should get married:

- when you find yr true love. i mean you and that person don't just love each other but can share responsibilities.

- when you have finished all things you wanna do alone

- when that person make you be willing to give up on your free life

I read some wise words somewhere today that don't rush yourself in other people's timelines. They say at certain age, you should get married. Don't let such 'advice' sway you. just consider it when you're ready.

I'm lucky as my love share many things with me - eating ramen, walking together in a cold winter night, sparing a certain space for each other (respect another's privacy), playing games (now mantigames' ones), going to the beach in winter, enjoying ice creams in winter until our throats have enough of coolness, and many many others. i think it's fated. sometimes we argue, but then we will find the way to be good together again. as we know we can't love without the other

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#45 Posted by Moginginga (11 posts) -

For me, you shouldn't get married because of the following reasons: You won't have more time to play mantigames. You will have more responsibility for every stuffs. Don't hang out with friends, don't came back home late and other problems. The freedom is champion.

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#46 Posted by HoolaHoopMan (10304 posts) -

Weddings and Rings are a joke when you see what they actually cost. If I were to have it my way I would remove marriage from the tax code and make it a purely symbolic commitment with no legal ramifications on asserts and income. Want to get married? Have a private ceremony and refer to each other as man/wife, no big deal.

But knowing there are benefits I chose to get married (plus the entire social stigma of not being married). I'm happily married and I simply don't relate to the horror stories of divorces and the monetary harm people incurred due to it, so I may be biased. My best advice is to get married but keep it cheap. Don't feed the wedding industry since it's become something obscenely grotesque. The diamond industry is essentially a cartel lying to people on their value and artificially keeping their price high. Wedding dresses will be worn once and cost a boat load. The actual wedding itself will run into the thousands if you're looking for the average venue and the regular costs associated with hosting the event e.g. music, food, alcohol.

Stay with in your budget and don't let ANYONE make you feel like you need to spend more than what you're comfortable with.