what's the best funny joke you ever heard?

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tulipezhamai

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#1 tulipezhamai
Member since 2013 • 25 Posts
what's the best funny joke you ever heard?can you share with me?:)
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VaguelyTagged

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#2 VaguelyTagged
Member since 2009 • 10702 Posts

MetalDogGear's atheist jokes are really hilarious, you should check it out.

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konvikt_17

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#3 konvikt_17
Member since 2008 • 22378 Posts

Womens Rights.

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Laihendi

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#4 Laihendi
Member since 2009 • 5872 Posts
I do not like jokes at all, so I have never heard one that I considered funny.
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johnsbbys

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#5 johnsbbys
Member since 2013 • 25 Posts
MetalDogGear's atheist jokes are really hilarious
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frannkzappa

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#6 frannkzappa
Member since 2012 • 3003 Posts

I do not like jokes at all, so I have never heard one that I considered funny.Laihendi

Well you're pretty good at cracking em.

like that one about libertarianism not being the worst thing ever, oh boy that's a good one.:lol:

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konvikt_17

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#7 konvikt_17
Member since 2008 • 22378 Posts

MetalDogGear's atheist jokes are really hilarious    johnsbbys

huh? since when can spambots edit a post?

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deactivated-5acfa3a8bc51d

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#8 deactivated-5acfa3a8bc51d
Member since 2005 • 7914 Posts
I do not like jokes at all, so I have never heard one that I considered funny.Laihendi
People like this can't resist to laugh at a poop joke :P
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applesxc47

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#9 applesxc47
Member since 2008 • 10761 Posts

Dwarf shortage.

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applesxc47

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#10 applesxc47
Member since 2008 • 10761 Posts

Dwarf shortage.

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Laihendi

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#11 Laihendi
Member since 2009 • 5872 Posts

[QUOTE="Laihendi"]I do not like jokes at all, so I have never heard one that I considered funny.frannkzappa

Well you're pretty good at cracking em.

like that one about libertarianism not being the worst thing ever, oh boy that's a good one.:lol:

You are being ignorant. The only people who would be worse off in a libertarian society are welfare leeches.
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frannkzappa

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#12 frannkzappa
Member since 2012 • 3003 Posts

[QUOTE="frannkzappa"]

[QUOTE="Laihendi"]I do not like jokes at all, so I have never heard one that I considered funny.Laihendi

Well you're pretty good at cracking em.

like that one about libertarianism not being the worst thing ever, oh boy that's a good one.:lol:

You are being ignorant. The only people who would be worse off in a libertarian society are welfare leeches.

I put you on the same level.

One dooms society to laziness and unproductively (as well as the inability to defend itself) and the other at best will degenerate in to inefficient agrarianism(and again the inability to defend itself).

I would rather have even a republic then a libertarian society.

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deactivated-5acfa3a8bc51d

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#13 deactivated-5acfa3a8bc51d
Member since 2005 • 7914 Posts
Originally a joke in Spanish, ask your Spanish friends for more jokes: Once the mother of Pepito says: Go buy some eggs, Pepito. And gives him the money, and when Pepito goes to buy the eggs, he passes the cinema and the poster says: Opening, King Kong the movie. And he pays to see it,, he leaves, goes to his Mom and says to his Mother, I went to see the film King Kong and it was enormous, his enormous hands, enormous feet. . . And the mother says to him; and the eggs? And Pepito says: They were enormous Mama, enormous! It's not nice to poke fun at the unilinguals
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iskeethunters

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#14 iskeethunters
Member since 2011 • 925 Posts
A sophisticated guy walks into a bar on top of 200 floor building. Orders a whiskey. Drinks it and then proceeds to jump off the building. Everyone is shocked. What just happened? *BING* The elevator opens up, the guy comes out, looking all dandy, tightens his tie and orders another whiskey. Drinks it and before anyone could say a thing he jumps again. Everyone is amazed. They just witnessed a person jump 2 times from the 200th floor. Nobody knows what's happening. *BING* Elevator doors open and the guy walks in the bar again looking all cool and stuff. Quickly a man approaches him and asks him: -What just happened man? We all saw you jump twice and you're here without a scratch. How do you do this? What's going on? -Look man, I'll let you in on a little secret. The whiskey here is magical. You drink it and you jump off. It will fill just like skydiving. You'll get an awesome adrenaline rush and then you'll simply land on your feet without feeling a thing. I've been doing this for 2 weeks. It's incredible. The 2nd guy goes to the bar, drinks a whiskey and confidently jumps over. He falls through the air just like the stranger said. Best feeling ever, adrenaline and all that and then *BAM* he gets splattered all over the sidewalk. The barman slowly turns to the dandy gentleman and says: -You're such a douchebag Super-Man... I hear a lot of jokes and tell a lot of jokes. Just heard this one today and found it pretty funny.
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deactivated-5e97585ea928c

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#15 deactivated-5e97585ea928c
Member since 2006 • 8521 Posts

[QUOTE="Laihendi"][QUOTE="frannkzappa"]

Well you're pretty good at cracking em.

like that one about libertarianism not being the worst thing ever, oh boy that's a good one.:lol:

frannkzappa

You are being ignorant. The only people who would be worse off in a libertarian society are welfare leeches.

I put you on the same level.

One dooms society to laziness and unproductively (as well as the inability to defend itself) and the other at best will degenerate in to inefficient agrarianism(and again the inability to defend itself).

I would rather have even a republic then a libertarian society.

If we are choosing pipe-dream governments, i'd rather have a Technocracy.
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THE_DRUGGIE

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#16 THE_DRUGGIE
Member since 2006 • 25107 Posts

Actual court record excerpt:

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?!
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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deactivated-5b78379493e12

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#17 deactivated-5b78379493e12
Member since 2005 • 15625 Posts

One man walks into a bar and says, "I'll have some H 2 O". A second man, who walked in at the same time, says ," I'll have H 2 O 2." The second man died.

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mrbojangles25

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#18 mrbojangles25  Online
Member since 2005 • 58271 Posts

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

...

...

...

You poke her face

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaZING!

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johnd13

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#19 johnd13
Member since 2011 • 11125 Posts

One man walks into a bar and says, "I'll have some H 2 O". A second man, who walked in at the same time, says ," I'll have H 2 O 2." The second man died.

jimkabrhel

Chemistry teacher joke. :P

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deactivated-5b78379493e12

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#20 deactivated-5b78379493e12
Member since 2005 • 15625 Posts

[QUOTE="jimkabrhel"]

One man walks into a bar and says, "I'll have some H 2 O". A second man, who walked in at the same time, says ," I'll have H 2 O 2." The second man died.

johnd13

Chemistry teacher joke. :P

Mmmhmm.

Johhny was a chemist's son, but Johnny is no more. What Johnny thought was H2O was H2SO4.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

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mrbojangles25

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#21 mrbojangles25  Online
Member since 2005 • 58271 Posts

[QUOTE="johnd13"]

[QUOTE="jimkabrhel"]

One man walks into a bar and says, "I'll have some H 2 O". A second man, who walked in at the same time, says ," I'll have H 2 O 2." The second man died.

jimkabrhel

Chemistry teacher joke. :P

Mmmhmm.

Johhny was a chemist's son, but Johnny is no more. What Johnny thought was H2O was H2SO4.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

OK, you inspired me...guilty pleasure here:

chemistry-cat-7975.jpg

90d01d850e8ccb3484f5733885ebdaa2.jpg

funny-grumpy-chemistry-cat.jpg

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRHwZ0g2UZtLSxZ7JqkipX

39806-Chemistry-Cat-Is-Dissing-Your-Mom.

chemistry-cat.jpg

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#22 Oil_Rope_Bombs
Member since 2010 • 2667 Posts

[QUOTE="jimkabrhel"]

[QUOTE="johnd13"]

Chemistry teacher joke. :P

mrbojangles25

Mmmhmm.

Johhny was a chemist's son, but Johnny is no more. What Johnny thought was H2O was H2SO4.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

ew

The 9gag cancer, it hurts

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deactivated-5b78379493e12

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#23 deactivated-5b78379493e12
Member since 2005 • 15625 Posts

[QUOTE="jimkabrhel"]

[QUOTE="johnd13"]

Chemistry teacher joke. :P

mrbojangles25

Mmmhmm.

Johhny was a chemist's son, but Johnny is no more. What Johnny thought was H2O was H2SO4.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

OK, you inspired me...guilty pleasure here:

chemistry-cat-7975.jpg

90d01d850e8ccb3484f5733885ebdaa2.jpg

funny-grumpy-chemistry-cat.jpg

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRHwZ0g2UZtLSxZ7JqkipX

39806-Chemistry-Cat-Is-Dissing-Your-Mom.

chemistry-cat.jpg

+Avagadro's Number

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BossPerson

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#24 BossPerson
Member since 2011 • 9177 Posts
I do not like jokes at all, so I have never heard one that I considered funny.Laihendi
If you do not like jokes at all, is it even possible for you to consider one funny? You are in no position to judge the funniness of a joke.
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Barbariser

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#25 Barbariser
Member since 2009 • 6785 Posts

Anything Stephen Colbert or Ricky Gervais say will quickly leave me laughing loud enough to wake the house up.

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PannicAtack

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#26 PannicAtack
Member since 2006 • 21040 Posts
As opposed to the best unfunny joke?
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THE_DRUGGIE

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#27 THE_DRUGGIE
Member since 2006 • 25107 Posts

As opposed to the best unfunny joke?PannicAtack

Well DUUUUUH.

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dude_brahmski

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#28 dude_brahmski
Member since 2013 • 472 Posts

[QUOTE="frannkzappa"]

[QUOTE="Laihendi"]I do not like jokes at all, so I have never heard one that I considered funny.Laihendi

Well you're pretty good at cracking em.

 

like that one about libertarianism not being the worst thing ever, oh boy that's a good one.:lol:

You are being ignorant. The only people who would be worse off in a libertarian society are welfare leeches.

As opposed to your style leech, I presume. I mean, you would die in a week were all leeches to be that much worse off.

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ricky8741112121

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#29 ricky8741112121
Member since 2013 • 32 Posts
xbox one
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deactivated-5b78379493e12

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#30 deactivated-5b78379493e12
Member since 2005 • 15625 Posts

xbox onericky8741112121

If you are going to view it as a joke, at least call it the "XBOneR"

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br0kenrabbit

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#31 br0kenrabbit  Online
Member since 2004 • 17859 Posts

Mother Superior: Sisters, I have not known any of you to sin. Salvation depends upon being cleansed of your sins, so therefore I command you all to go out into the world and commit a sin, that you may be forgiven.

Sister 1: Yes, Mother Superior.

Sister 2: Yes, Mother Superior.

Sister 3: Yes, Mother Superior.

....Hours later...

Sister 1: Mother Superior, forgive me for I have sinned.

Mother Superior: And what sin have you commited, sister?

Sister 1: I have laid with a married man.

Mother Superior: God forgives your sins, sister. Drink some holy water and say 1,000 Hail Marys to atone for your sin.

....A few hours later....

Sister 2: Mother Superior, forgive me for I have sinned.

Mother Superior: And what sin have you commited, sister?

Sister 2: I blew up a protestant church.

Mother Superior: Very good. God forgive you, sister. Drink some holy water and say 1,000 Hail Marys to atone for your sin.

....Quite some time later....

Mother Superior: Sister, you were asked to go out and commit a sin, and yet here you are.

Sister 3: But Mother Superior, I did commit a sin.

Mother Superior: Oh? And what sin would that be?

Sister 3: I pissed in the holy water.

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#32 dude_brahmski
Member since 2013 • 472 Posts

Mother Superior: Sisters, I have not known any of you to sin. Salvation depends upon being cleansed of your sins, so therefore I command you all to go out into the world and commit a sin, that you may be forgiven.

Sister 1: Yes, Mother Superior.

Sister 2: Yes, Mother Superior.

Sister 3: Yes, Mother Superior.

....Hours later...

Sister 1: Mother Superior, forgive me for I have sinned.

Mother Superior: And what sin have you commited, sister?

Sister 1: I have laid with a married man.

Mother Superior: God forgives your sins, sister. Drink some holy water and say 1,000 Hail Marys to atone for your sin.

....A few hours later....

Sister 2: Mother Superior, forgive me for I have sinned.

Mother Superior: And what sin have you commited, sister?

Sister 2: I blew up a protestant church.

Mother Superior: Very good. God forgive you, sister. Drink some holy water and say 1,000 Hail Marys to atone for your sin.

....Quite some time later....

Mother Superior: Sister, you were asked to go out and commit a sin, and yet here you are.

Sister 3: But Mother Superior, I did commit a sin.

Mother Superior: Oh? And what sin would that be?

Sister 3: I pissed in the holy water.

br0kenrabbit

I am pretty livid right now.

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LostProphetFLCL

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#33 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

Well since this topic got taken down to this level....

hC9EABC41

funny-lame-pun-coon-meme-addicted-soap-n

365ygu.jpg

3qq2ft.jpg

Zg.jpg

35n7wd.jpg

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#34 br0kenrabbit  Online
Member since 2004 • 17859 Posts

I am pretty livid right now.

dude_brahmski

You'll live.

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lamprey263

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#35 lamprey263
Member since 2006 • 44542 Posts
Adult content warning, NSFW... YouTube link The Aristocrats, there was a whole documentary film devoted to this joke. It was actually worth watching. May not be the funniest, but it's definitely unique.
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Jimn_tonic

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#36 Jimn_tonic
Member since 2013 • 913 Posts

Little Red Riding Hood was off to her Gramma's house when the Big Bad Wolf jumped out of the bushes and said:

"Hey there little red riding whore. Why don't you suck my big bad cock?"

Little Red Riding Hood lifts up her skirt and responds:

"Not until you eat me, like the fairy tale says!"

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Skilled_Tactix

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#37 Skilled_Tactix
Member since 2012 • 112 Posts

Womens Rights.

konvikt_17

You know what else is funny? They think they have them !!!!

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frannkzappa

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#38 frannkzappa
Member since 2012 • 3003 Posts

I do not like jokes at all, so I have never heard one that I considered funny.Laihendi

That's bullshit lai...half of what you posted on wowhead were joke/funny threads. an most of your individual posts showed you had a whimsical side.

http://www.wowhead.com/user=Laihendi#topics:75+3

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Laihendi

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#39 Laihendi
Member since 2009 • 5872 Posts

[QUOTE="Laihendi"]I do not like jokes at all, so I have never heard one that I considered funny.frannkzappa

That's bullshit lai...half of what you posted on wowhead were joke/funny threads. an most of your individual posts showed you had a whimsical side.

http://www.wowhead.com/user=Laihendi#topics:75+3

I meant jokes in the traditional setup--->punchline sense. I have always found them to be obnoxious (an example of comedy I respect would be Seinfeld or Wilfred). Please stop linking to my wowhead posts. You are just bringing up dirt on me from when I was a child. That is very low.
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#40 PcGamingRig
Member since 2009 • 7386 Posts

Did you hear about the man who lost the left side of his body in an accident? He is all right now.

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charlesdarwin55

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#41 charlesdarwin55
Member since 2010 • 2651 Posts
Hitler My dog has no nose. Random German guy: Then how does it smell? Hitler: Awful.