What To Do About This Girl? Moving away

To start off I've never had a girlfriend before. I liked this girl for several months and developed a kind of obsession with her. Not really an obsession, but she was all I thought about, and I felt like she was the one. I asked her out and she said "maybe some other time" and that was that. I still saw her two or three times a day which was torture. Anyways it's been 5 months and still I can't get over her. It's not like I'm even interested in her 'that' way, I just feel I need to be with her. Maybe it stems from the fact that she was alone or never had a boyfriend I felt I had a chance. I saw her at prom but I didn't dance with her (we were close to eachother). We stopped talking a bit before prom, but we did see eachother. I didn't ask her to dance because a bit before I asked some other girl to dance and she said no.. so in my mind I've developed some sort of thing for rejection, and I don't think I could handle her saying no. She wasn't with anyone at prom, she didn't dance with any other guy. I know I should have asked her, but it was realy hard for me.. it sparked the same feeling I got inside of me before I asked her out.

Anyways so I got into the same college she got into, and I was really excited to getting in (because it's kind of hard to get into), but I ultimately decided to go to another one (5 hours away). It was a very hard decision, one that I constantly have second thoughts about, and now I'm considered asking if I can switch. I feel if I work on my appearance a bit more I could have a shot with her.. she really is different than any other girl for me and I don't think I'll ever be able to forget her. I keep these feelings to myself though (and OT) because it's silly to tell her this because we don't know eachother that well. Anyways, I feel really depressed just going that far away from her.. I really just need to see her again.. I just want to interact with her, or at least to say goodbye and hug her because she meant so much for me. So right now I'm at a loss of words.. Any idea on what I should do? Should I email her telling her that I liked her and just wanted to say goodbye? Should I try to shift to the same university as her?

You're going to have to learn to adjust to life without her.

EDIT: I wouldn't go to the same university as her because it would be stalkerish.

You're going to have to learn to adjust to life without her.

EDIT: I wouldn't go to the same university as her because it would be stalkerish.

turtlethetaffer

[QUOTE="turtlethetaffer"]

You're going to have to learn to adjust to life without her.

EDIT: I wouldn't go to the same university as her because it would be stalkerish.

bertainpp7

Well what I'm saying is that you shouldn't make her your main reason for going to a college.

Why are you depressed over a girl you haven't even had sex with or a relationship with.I bet she not even all that,just go and smash some jumpoffs,you'll get over it.Bucked20

[QUOTE="Bucked20"]Why are you depressed over a girl you haven't even had sex with or a relationship with.I bet she not even all that,just go and smash some jumpoffs,you'll get over it.bertainpp7

[QUOTE="bertainpp7"][QUOTE="Bucked20"]Why are you depressed over a girl you haven't even had sex with or a relationship with.I bet she not even all that,just go and smash some jumpoffs,you'll get over it.stanleycup98

[QUOTE="Bucked20"]Why are you depressed over a girl you haven't even had sex with or a relationship with.I bet she not even all that,just go and smash some jumpoffs,you'll get over it.bertainpp7

This is one of those rare occassions that I actually say something serious.

I can see this going one of three ways:

1) You send her an e-mail telling her your feelings. This will achieve nothing in the short-term, other than making her feel kind of creepy that you're hoarding all these feelings for her but could only tell her through e-mail. That just reeks of crazy stalker. In the long term, you will look back on the decision in years to come and hold your head in your hands in shame.

2) The hardest option, but probably the correct one: talk to her. You don't have to rush into your feelings for her or asking her out; start small. Do you have anything in common? If all else fails, talk to her about college. At the end of this conversation, ask her if she wants to grab a coffee or something.

Just keep this in mind: if you haven't got the confidence to talk to her, how the hell are you going to manage being in a relationship with her? You can't e-mail your marriage vows, you know :P This is one of those occassions where something is too important to half-ass. Gather your courage and just talk to her.

3) You do nothing, say nothing, and never see her again. There will be other women, but only if you can speak to them.

She's already turned you down once before and obviously has no romantic interest in you whatsoever. Try and stop thinking about her because she's almost definitely not thinking about you. To achieve that, it's probably easiest to just break off all communication, at least for a while; it doesn't sound like you're very good friends anyway so no big loss.kamikaze_pigmy

This is one of those rare occassions that I actually say something serious.

I can see this going one of three ways:

1) You send her an e-mail telling her your feelings. This will achieve nothing in the short-term, other than making her feel kind of creepy that you're hoarding all these feelings for her but could only tell her through e-mail. That just reeks of crazy stalker. In the long term, you will look back on the decision in years to come and hold your head in your hands in shame.

2) The hardest option, but probably the correct one: talk to her. You don't have to rush into your feelings for her or asking her out; start small. Do you have anything in common? If all else fails, talk to her about college. At the end of this conversation, ask her if she wants to grab a coffee or something.

Just keep this in mind: if you haven't got the confidence to talk to her, how the hell are you going to manage being in a relationship with her? You can't e-mail your marriage vows, you know :P This is one of those occassions where something is too important to half-ass. Gather your courage and just talk to her.

3) You do nothing, say nothing, and never see her again. There will be other women, but only if you can speak to them.

Egonga

To start off I've never had a girlfriend before. I liked this girl for several months and developed a kind of obsession with her. Not really an obsession, but she was all I thought about, and I felt like she was the one. I asked her out and she said "maybe some other time" and that was that. I still saw her two or three times a day which was torture. Anyways it's been 5 months and still I can't get over her. It's not like I'm even interested in her 'that' way, I just feel I need to be with her. Maybe it stems from the fact that she was alone or never had a boyfriend I felt I had a chance. I saw her at prom but I didn't dance with her (we were close to eachother). We stopped talking a bit before prom, but we did see eachother. I didn't ask her to dance because a bit before I asked some other girl to dance and she said no.. so in my mind I've developed some sort of thing for rejection, and I don't think I could handle her saying no. She wasn't with anyone at prom, she didn't dance with any other guy. I know I should have asked her, but it was realy hard for me.. it sparked the same feeling I got inside of me before I asked her out.

Anyways so I got into the same college she got into, and I was really excited to getting in (because it's kind of hard to get into), but I ultimately decided to go to another one (5 hours away). It was a very hard decision, one that I constantly have second thoughts about, and now I'm considered asking if I can switch. I feel if I work on my appearance a bit more I could have a shot with her.. she really is different than any other girl for me and I don't think I'll ever be able to forget her. I keep these feelings to myself though (and OT) because it's silly to tell her this because we don't know eachother that well. Anyways, I feel really depressed just going that far away from her.. I really just need to see her again.. I just want to interact with her, or at least to say goodbye and hug her because she meant so much for me. So right now I'm at a loss of words.. Any idea on what I should do? Should I email her telling her that I liked her and just wanted to say goodbye? Should I try to shift to the same university as her?

bertainpp7

You are way too obsessed with this girl. Your chances with her are basically nill because she a) already turned you down b) and has seen you act shy around her. This means she isn't attracted to you, and girls don't usually change their mind once they put a guy in the friend only category. Here's a tip. A girl will not begin to be attracted to you because you try harder. Your main shot at a girl is when you first meet and begin to talk with her. Not way afterward. That is a fallacy that only works about 1 in 10,000 times if not worse. To the other point. You need to find someone that is newer that you can get to know. You can't spend your whole life worrying about this only girl or you'll pass up other good opportunities. This is especially the case since you are far away. But just changing your college to be closer to a girl that you're not even dating never works out well. This also applies to moving to a different city with a girlfriend that isn't that serious. Those usually end up bad too. Take it from a guy who has had friends do these things and I've also been into a single girl before when I was way younger and it never works in your favor. You're going to have to learn how to approach women and begin talking to them without all of the anxiety and also what attracts women. Most of the things you're saying are turn offs. That's not being mean, just an observation. Like acting shy at the prom around her and having the attitude that you just have to be with her. That will come across in your behavior and speech with her and she'll be able to tell. Hope some of this helps you for the future.

[QUOTE="Egonga"]

This is one of those rare occassions that I actually say something serious.

I can see this going one of three ways:

1) You send her an e-mail telling her your feelings. This will achieve nothing in the short-term, other than making her feel kind of creepy that you're hoarding all these feelings for her but could only tell her through e-mail. That just reeks of crazy stalker. In the long term, you will look back on the decision in years to come and hold your head in your hands in shame.

2) The hardest option, but probably the correct one: talk to her. You don't have to rush into your feelings for her or asking her out; start small. Do you have anything in common? If all else fails, talk to her about college. At the end of this conversation, ask her if she wants to grab a coffee or something.

Just keep this in mind: if you haven't got the confidence to talk to her, how the hell are you going to manage being in a relationship with her? You can't e-mail your marriage vows, you know :P This is one of those occassions where something is too important to half-ass. Gather your courage and just talk to her.

3) You do nothing, say nothing, and never see her again. There will be other women, but only if you can speak to them.

bertainpp7

Omg this is basic highschool stuff kid!

All you have to do is pass her a note that says "Do you like me?" with check boxes yes and no.

I wouldnt make your college decision based on a girl. Especially since she basically told you no.

[QUOTE="bertainpp7"]

To start off I've never had a girlfriend before. I liked this girl for several months and developed a kind of obsession with her. Not really an obsession, but she was all I thought about, and I felt like she was the one. I asked her out and she said "maybe some other time" and that was that. I still saw her two or three times a day which was torture. Anyways it's been 5 months and still I can't get over her. It's not like I'm even interested in her 'that' way, I just feel I need to be with her. Maybe it stems from the fact that she was alone or never had a boyfriend I felt I had a chance. I saw her at prom but I didn't dance with her (we were close to eachother). We stopped talking a bit before prom, but we did see eachother. I didn't ask her to dance because a bit before I asked some other girl to dance and she said no.. so in my mind I've developed some sort of thing for rejection, and I don't think I could handle her saying no. She wasn't with anyone at prom, she didn't dance with any other guy. I know I should have asked her, but it was realy hard for me.. it sparked the same feeling I got inside of me before I asked her out.

Anyways so I got into the same college she got into, and I was really excited to getting in (because it's kind of hard to get into), but I ultimately decided to go to another one (5 hours away). It was a very hard decision, one that I constantly have second thoughts about, and now I'm considered asking if I can switch. I feel if I work on my appearance a bit more I could have a shot with her.. she really is different than any other girl for me and I don't think I'll ever be able to forget her. I keep these feelings to myself though (and OT) because it's silly to tell her this because we don't know eachother that well. Anyways, I feel really depressed just going that far away from her.. I really just need to see her again.. I just want to interact with her, or at least to say goodbye and hug her because she meant so much for me. So right now I'm at a loss of words.. Any idea on what I should do? Should I email her telling her that I liked her and just wanted to say goodbye? Should I try to shift to the same university as her?

Sunfyre7896

You are way too obsessed with this girl. Your chances with her are basically nill because she a) already turned you down b) and has seen you act shy around her. This means she isn't attracted to you, and girls don't usually change their mind once they put a guy in the friend only category. Here's a tip. A girl will not begin to be attracted to you because you try harder. Your main shot at a girl is when you first meet and begin to talk with her. Not way afterward. That is a fallacy that only works about 1 in 10,000 times if not worse. To the other point. You need to find someone that is newer that you can get to know. You can't spend your whole life worrying about this only girl or you'll pass up other good opportunities. This is especially the case since you are far away. But just changing your college to be closer to a girl that you're not even dating never works out well. This also applies to moving to a different city with a girlfriend that isn't that serious. Those usually end up bad too. Take it from a guy who has had friends do these things and I've also been into a single girl before when I was way younger and it never works in your favor. You're going to have to learn how to approach women and begin talking to them without all of the anxiety and also what attracts women. Most of the things you're saying are turn offs. That's not being mean, just an observation. Like acting shy at the prom around her and having the attitude that you just have to be with her. That will come across in your behavior and speech with her and she'll be able to tell. Hope some of this helps you for the future.

I see your point though. I think I'm just getting a bit too emotional leaving everyone to go to college. Thanks for the advice too, I definately see how asking a girl out when you just begin to talk to her would work.. and it saves a bunch of emotional turmoil so you don't get attached to them like I did.

[QUOTE="Egonga"]

This is one of those rare occassions that I actually say something serious.

I can see this going one of three ways:

1) You send her an e-mail telling her your feelings. This will achieve nothing in the short-term, other than making her feel kind of creepy that you're hoarding all these feelings for her but could only tell her through e-mail. That just reeks of crazy stalker. In the long term, you will look back on the decision in years to come and hold your head in your hands in shame.

2) The hardest option, but probably the correct one: talk to her. You don't have to rush into your feelings for her or asking her out; start small. Do you have anything in common? If all else fails, talk to her about college. At the end of this conversation, ask her if she wants to grab a coffee or something.

Just keep this in mind: if you haven't got the confidence to talk to her, how the hell are you going to manage being in a relationship with her? You can't e-mail your marriage vows, you know :P This is one of those occassions where something is too important to half-ass. Gather your courage and just talk to her.

3) You do nothing, say nothing, and never see her again. There will be other women, but only if you can speak to them.

bertainpp7

"And I shall forever whisper your name into the wind."

I've been in a similar place to you in the past. There was a girl in work I liked - attractive, a little shy herself, and when I learned she was doing a writing course (a major aspiration of mine is to be a professional writer) I felt head over heels about her. My social skills suck, however, so I never really spoke to her. The few times that I did, I tried to say something funny / cute and ended up coming across like a bit of a weirdo.

I still cringe thinking of some of the e-mails I sent her. I remember passing her in the corridor once, and she said hi to me. I mumbled hi back, but I was worried that she didn't hear me, so I sent her an e-mail explaining that I mumbled. Eurgh -_-

If you're not going to ask her out, just leave it. Trust me on this. An e-mail isn't going to change her mind about you, it's just something you'll look back on in the years to come and wonder 'why did I do that?'

Omg this is basic highschool stuff kid!

All you have to do is pass her a note that says "Do you like me?" with check boxes yes and no.

Omg this is basic highschool stuff kid!

All you have to do is pass her a note that says "Do you like me?" with check boxes yes and no.

TheHighWind

[QUOTE="Sunfyre7896"]

[QUOTE="bertainpp7"]

To start off I've never had a girlfriend before. I liked this girl for several months and developed a kind of obsession with her. Not really an obsession, but she was all I thought about, and I felt like she was the one. I asked her out and she said "maybe some other time" and that was that. I still saw her two or three times a day which was torture. Anyways it's been 5 months and still I can't get over her. It's not like I'm even interested in her 'that' way, I just feel I need to be with her. Maybe it stems from the fact that she was alone or never had a boyfriend I felt I had a chance. I saw her at prom but I didn't dance with her (we were close to eachother). We stopped talking a bit before prom, but we did see eachother. I didn't ask her to dance because a bit before I asked some other girl to dance and she said no.. so in my mind I've developed some sort of thing for rejection, and I don't think I could handle her saying no. She wasn't with anyone at prom, she didn't dance with any other guy. I know I should have asked her, but it was realy hard for me.. it sparked the same feeling I got inside of me before I asked her out.

Anyways so I got into the same college she got into, and I was really excited to getting in (because it's kind of hard to get into), but I ultimately decided to go to another one (5 hours away). It was a very hard decision, one that I constantly have second thoughts about, and now I'm considered asking if I can switch. I feel if I work on my appearance a bit more I could have a shot with her.. she really is different than any other girl for me and I don't think I'll ever be able to forget her. I keep these feelings to myself though (and OT) because it's silly to tell her this because we don't know eachother that well. Anyways, I feel really depressed just going that far away from her.. I really just need to see her again.. I just want to interact with her, or at least to say goodbye and hug her because she meant so much for me. So right now I'm at a loss of words.. Any idea on what I should do? Should I email her telling her that I liked her and just wanted to say goodbye? Should I try to shift to the same university as her?

bertainpp7

You are way too obsessed with this girl. Your chances with her are basically nill because she a) already turned you down b) and has seen you act shy around her. This means she isn't attracted to you, and girls don't usually change their mind once they put a guy in the friend only category. Here's a tip. A girl will not begin to be attracted to you because you try harder. Your main shot at a girl is when you first meet and begin to talk with her. Not way afterward. That is a fallacy that only works about 1 in 10,000 times if not worse. To the other point. You need to find someone that is newer that you can get to know. You can't spend your whole life worrying about this only girl or you'll pass up other good opportunities. This is especially the case since you are far away. But just changing your college to be closer to a girl that you're not even dating never works out well. This also applies to moving to a different city with a girlfriend that isn't that serious. Those usually end up bad too. Take it from a guy who has had friends do these things and I've also been into a single girl before when I was way younger and it never works in your favor. You're going to have to learn how to approach women and begin talking to them without all of the anxiety and also what attracts women. Most of the things you're saying are turn offs. That's not being mean, just an observation. Like acting shy at the prom around her and having the attitude that you just have to be with her. That will come across in your behavior and speech with her and she'll be able to tell. Hope some of this helps you for the future.

I see your point though. I think I'm just getting a bit too emotional leaving everyone to go to college. Thanks for the advice too, I definately see how asking a girl out when you just begin to talk to her would work.. and it saves a bunch of emotional turmoil so you don't get attached to them like I did.

Just always remember that you are the one that you value highly. More highly than them. This will keep you from putting them on a pedestal like many guys do. If you can literally be ok with the girl or you walking away at any point in a relationship, then you're on the right track. This will get you to see that you can always get another girl and not pine or obsess over one in particular for months and years after, holding you back. Just remember the term "next." When a situation with a girl goes wrong, tell yourself "next." This means "next" girl. Go find another one. This doesn't mean your a d-bag or that you can't be upset about a breakup, but that you won't spend too much wasted time on just one in particular. There is no such thing as a soul mate or perfect match. Just find one that you are really good together. That's the key.

"And I shall forever whisper your name into the wind."

I've been in a similar place to you in the past. There was a girl in work I liked - attractive, a little shy herself, and when I learned she was doing a writing course (a major aspiration of mine is to be a professional writer) I felt head over heels about her. My social skills suck, however, so I never really spoke to her. The few times that I did, I tried to say something funny / cute and ended up coming across like a bit of a weirdo.

I still cringe thinking of some of the e-mails I sent her. I remember passing her in the corridor once, and she said hi to me. I mumbled hi back, but I was worried that she didn't hear me, so I sent her an e-mail explaining that I mumbled. Eurgh -_-

If you're not going to ask her out, just leave it. Trust me on this. An e-mail isn't going to change her mind about you, it's just something you'll look back on in the years to come and wonder 'why did I do that?'

Egonga

To start off I've never had a girlfriend before. I liked this girl for several months and developed a kind of obsession with her. Not really an obsession, but she was all I thought about, and I felt like she was the one. I asked her out and she said "maybe some other time" and that was that. I still saw her two or three times a day which was torture. Anyways it's been 5 months and still I can't get over her. It's not like I'm even interested in her 'that' way, I just feel I need to be with her. Maybe it stems from the fact that she was alone or never had a boyfriend I felt I had a chance. I saw her at prom but I didn't dance with her (we were close to eachother). We stopped talking a bit before prom, but we did see eachother. I didn't ask her to dance because a bit before I asked some other girl to dance and she said no.. so in my mind I've developed some sort of thing for rejection, and I don't think I could handle her saying no. She wasn't with anyone at prom, she didn't dance with any other guy. I know I should have asked her, but it was realy hard for me.. it sparked the same feeling I got inside of me before I asked her out.

Anyways so I got into the same college she got into, and I was really excited to getting in (because it's kind of hard to get into), but I ultimately decided to go to another one (5 hours away). It was a very hard decision, one that I constantly have second thoughts about, and now I'm considered asking if I can switch. I feel if I work on my appearance a bit more I could have a shot with her.. she really is different than any other girl for me and I don't think I'll ever be able to forget her. I keep these feelings to myself though (and OT) because it's silly to tell her this because we don't know eachother that well. Anyways, I feel really depressed just going that far away from her.. I really just need to see her again.. I just want to interact with her, or at least to say goodbye and hug her because she meant so much for me. So right now I'm at a loss of words.. Any idea on what I should do? Should I email her telling her that I liked her and just wanted to say goodbye? Should I try to shift to the same university as her?

bertainpp7

Seriously dude! Please don't even think of stalking the girl. That's a very bad idea and the girl may not want to be your friend anymore if you do that. Just try to stay her friend because it's useless trying to get her to be your girlfriend.

It's almost never a good idea to make life decisions based a potential romantic interest unless you're already in a relationship with them. Hell, sometimes it's even a bad idea to adjust your plans to stay close to someone even if you are in a relationship! It really needs to be something pretty damn stable and solid, otherwise it will be far more trouble than it's worth.

Also- If you're 17 or 18 years old, your feelings will probably change down the road. Not guaranteed, but 19 times out of 20 people's needs and preferences change a great deal from 18 to 23-24 or so.