The love of my life just left me, and I don't know how to cope with it.

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#1 Posted by SilentFireX (1956 posts) -

I'm not sure why I'm posting this here (particularly because I haven't been active in years), but I'm just plain lost and grasping for some way to get past this.

I'm 27, and she's 32 just for a bit of context.

This is a woman who I was certain I would spend the rest of my life with. Someone I would've done anything for, and I can't imagine doing anything that might hurt her. To make matters worse, I loved her 7 year-old son, and she always talked about how great a step dad I was going to be for him.

We spent Thanksgiving together for the first time thanks to my recent discharge from the Army. Thanksgiving could not have been more perfect. We spent the whole week together with her son and mother, and I was never more certain of our future. She professed the same, her son loves me to death, and prior to a few days ago, it was my all time favorite memory.

We've had our issues due to a side of my family not approving of our relationship, which has estranged me from them to a degree, but I always chose her and made it abundantly clear they were all being hypocritical idiots. She's my entire world.

Over time, she grew colder when we were apart and became spiteful in moments over text. We had a few fights in the last few months, only when I'm staying at my dad's (in order to attend college here in the spring.) Due to circumstances on her end, moving in with her wasn't viable for another 6 months or so. At one point, she ended things in a text before we worked things out, and I made her promise the one thing she'd never do again is break up with me over text.

Whenever we were together, everything would be perfect, and she couldn't be happier. She eventually admitted that she'd grown resentful while I would be away.

Then the amazing Thanksgiving happened.

This past Friday night, she was acting a little off but we had to go to bed early for an event she was working first thing in the morning. As I was lying there holding her, she told me she had a heavy heart because she's felt like an asshole to me and she didn't know how to get past the resentment she'd built up. We talked and talked before she claimed I couldn't really love her. I then professed everything I feel for her, she cried, saying how she was completely in love with me and always has been.

Next day is weird, she does small little things that make me feel as if she doesn't want me there, but I assure myself it's just cause she's exhausted after the event, and it's all in my head. She went to sleep in her mom's bedroom where the family was doing crafts. I carry her son to her bed and begin to carry her to him when she woke up, freaked out, and had me put her down before complaining about a tooth that she needs operating on.

I then went to the kitchen to get her medicine only to find her in bed with her son asleep in a position which made it clear I couldn't easily join them. I put the medicine on her end table before she told me she didn't want any. I kissed her on the head and gathered my things before leaving without a word.

4 hours later, she sent a text saying little more than "I can't be your girlfriend anymore. We'll always be here for you as friends." A goddamned text.

I don't know how to come to terms with the reality of her being gone. Our life together being gone. How she could do the one thing she promised never to do, because I told her it would destroy me. She'd just told me she was madly in love with me the night before. She let me hold her and play with her son all day while she ran errands. Let him fall asleep with me on a chair before she awkwardly hugged me and thanked me for hanging out with them that day.

How do you get past it? For the past 29 hours, I try to distract myself with anything I can find, but the reality of it all keeps slamming into me. She told me how madly in love with me she is and then not even a day later broke up with me over text which she knew would utterly destroy me. The woman who I love with all my heart did that. The woman I was going to spend my life with.

It's pathetic, but I feel cored out and empty, I can't stop shaking when it inevitably hits me again, and I'm just so fucking sad.

TL;DR: The woman whom I was certain I was going to spend the rest of my life with just ended things, and I'm struggling to reconcile that reality with my mind.

Bonus TL;DR: **** Thanksgiving.

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#2 Posted by SilentFireX (1956 posts) -

Honestly, I want to die. I'd never do anything to harm myself out of love for family and friends, but yeah. I don't want to live anymore.

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#3 Edited by DEVILinIRON (4977 posts) -

The writing in Op's op is strange. It seems parts are from a (bad) romance novel or a soap opera. Tink I'll just sit-back on this one. Where's LJS2D something? Or Mr. Geezer? Two different perspectives, but the same effective outcome.

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#4 Edited by SilentFireX (1956 posts) -

@DEVILinIRON: Thanks for that. That's exactly what I needed.

I don't know if you think this is some screwed up creative fiction for attention or what, but that's my life. I'm just entirely devastated, and I can't bring myself to tell 99% of that to my family. I don't know what to do.

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#5 Edited by ArchoNils2 (10427 posts) -
@SilentFireX said:

@DEVILinIRON: Thanks for that. That's exactly what I needed.

I don't know if you think this is some screwed up creative fiction for attention or what, but that's my life. I'm just entirely devastated, and I can't bring myself to tell 99% of that to my family. I don't know what to do.

Go to a psychiater instead of asking in a game forum where nobody knows you? If you really want someone to help you and you can't ask your family? Why would I care what you are going through?

To me it sounds she is insane and you should be lucky she ended the relationship and you should end every contact to get over her

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#6 Posted by Macutchi (6876 posts) -
@SilentFireX said:

Honestly, I want to die. I'd never do anything to harm myself out of love for family and friends, but yeah. I don't want to live anymore.

don't be daft. what you're feeling is temporary. by their late 20s, the vast majority of people will have had their heart broken at least once and will have broken someone else's heart. it's just life, you're no different to anyone else. we've all been there. it sucks but you get over it. there's so much worse life can throw at you.

from the brief description you provided it sounds like the classic one way relationship - you dote on her, she doesn't reciprocate. and the more she doesn't reciprocate the more you want her. it's a common relationship dance.

trying to give you any more advice is largely pointless as it'll all be speculative based on the limited info but maybe she resents you for not being able to be there full time. maybe she's met someone else and is feeling guilty. maybe your family don't approve because she's a dick and your love goggles are on too tight to see it. i don't know, but regardless you'll be fine. make some plans with your family and friends over xmas and go enjoy yourself

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#7 Posted by johnd13 (9786 posts) -

Humans are complicated beings so you (and we) can't really know what's inside her head. I suppose you can ask her for a clear answer regarding her reasoning so that you can maybe work it out together or move on. Good luck with it. And I know it's cliche advice but these things happen and in time you're going to get over it and meet someone else.

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#8 Posted by AFBrat77 (26738 posts) -

Always remember that your best friend is yourself. Don't do anything rash to harm yourself. If you think you might, see a psychiatrist first. It's going to be hard, most of us have been through this, but concentrate on building yourself and making yourself strong inside and other women will come around. You are young, no need to worry. It's going to take time.

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#9 Posted by Ovirew (9119 posts) -

@SilentFireX: Sorry that some of the users here were rude already. I usually expect that on a forum like this, but I understand you needed someplace to go and talk about it. I talk about things on my blog a lot here, but I try not to bring it to the forums too much. I do know of some websites where people can go and ask for advice on problems though, and I recommend you try there at some point.

I've found over the past couple of years that dating is really hard, in general. I didn't really ever date anyone for the first 22-or-so years of my life, and then I jumped into a relationship that lasted for about 5 years. I wasn't with the right person, it wasn't what I wanted, and I am glad I was given the opportunity to try to search for what I do want. But 3 years later I can't really say that I've found the right person for me yet.

I tried the dating a mom thing this year. Twice. I never wanted to date a woman with kids, but I gave it a shot anyway because the opportunity presented itself. I don't think I'm ever going to do that again, I just wasn't comfortable with it.

My advice to you is kind of the same advice as I'm giving to myself: You just haven't met the right person yet, and it's best to focus on yourself and your own life in the meantime. And know that it's not easy to meet people nowadays, nobody really makes it easy anymore.

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#10 Posted by BlackBalls (1498 posts) -

You're too young. 27? Dude you'll have another love of your life, then another one. Just go seek professional attention, you'll get over it after a couple of months and meet someone else. Life goes on.

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#11 Posted by Sevenizz (4063 posts) -

It might be ugly genitalia. I was watching a UK show called Naked Attraction and about 100% of the male contestants had horrid looking privates. Although they don’t circumcise themselves there so that might have something to do with it.

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#12 Posted by mandzilla (4188 posts) -

@Sevenizz: All genitalia is ugly.

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#13 Edited by thehig1 (7355 posts) -

Read all of it, it looks like there is someone else and she hasn't or cant tell you.

Ask her if there is someone else, if there is call her a whore and move on.

If there isn't, well she's ended it anyway so call her a physco and move on

You'll feel shit for a while and get over it., dont be dramatic about not wanting to live and self harm people get heart broken all the time its part of life.

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#14 Posted by Sevenizz (4063 posts) -

@mandzilla: Speak for yourself.

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#15 Posted by BlackBalls (1498 posts) -

@mandzilla said:

@Sevenizz: All genitalia is ugly.

wtf are we talking about, lol?

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#16 Posted by br0kenrabbit (16166 posts) -

As a divorcee, it does take time. I was heartbroken for years after my divorce, but once the feelings started to fade (they do) I realized how much shit I had put up with that I shouldn't have. I was blinded by love to the point I couldn't see the obvious: I was being used. It's only in retrospect that I can see the closer I tried to get to her, the closer the end was. She wanted a servant, a go-for, not a husband.

Emotional manipulation sucks. But I learned lessons and am now a more confident, less desperate man for learning those lessons. The relationships I've had since have been much healthier, simply because I'm willing to cut my losses and move on if I feel things just aren't working.

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#17 Posted by Longsnout (181 posts) -
@SilentFireX said:

I'm 27, and she's 32 just for a bit of context.

Oh it's one of these.

Look dude 27 and in the army isn't maybe the best match for 32 and single mom. You're not quite past the age where a 5 year difference doesn't matter. It's not so much the number as it is two people being at very different stages of their lives and needing different things from a partner. How long were you with the "love of your life"?

Also go to a shrink, you're not going to get the help you need from a game forum.

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#18 Posted by watercrack445 (1823 posts) -

She lied to you or she didn't want you near her son.

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#19 Edited by deactivated-5c2e78cbd8d85 (210 posts) -
@Sevenizz said:

It might be ugly genitalia. I was watching a UK show called Naked Attraction and about 100% of the male contestants had horrid looking privates. Although they don’t circumcise themselves there so that might have something to do with it.

That show taught me that people in the UK are generally unattractive.

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#20 Posted by deactivated-5d78760d7d740 (16386 posts) -

That sounds like a very complicated situation, I'm sorry to hear that. I do agree with the others in that you should seek outside help - potentially in the form of therapy - if it's severely inhibiting you. None of us know you all that well and can't possibly gather the information required through text, we're also not professionals.

I will say that you've got a long road ahead of you, you can never know for certain what the future holds. This is not your life's destination, only another step along the journey. Don't give up.

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#21 Posted by schu (10059 posts) -

She is probably not mentally stable. I had the same experience where someone I had known for a long time told me they loved me and I took it very seriously and then they backed out and turned cold. For me that isn't something that I throw around lightly, but the worst trick you can play on yourself is to assume that you see the feelings you are having in someone else. It is very hard not to project your wishes and desires onto a person, especially when they appear to reciprocate those, but you yourself admitted that you had seen some questionable signs and you wanted to ignore them, but you shouldn't have allowed yourself to be used or walked on. You need to let this one go for your own sanity and for the sake of the child who doesn't need to witness the fallout from their mother's unstable behavior. I won't try to make up stupid statements like "it doesn't matter or you'll get over it". It clearly matters very much to you, but the reality is still reality and so you must make the choice to do something constructive with reality if you want to recover and not cause further damage to yourself.

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#22 Posted by JustPlainLucas (79380 posts) -
@SilentFireX said:

I'm not sure why I'm posting this here (particularly because I haven't been active in years), but I'm just plain lost and grasping for some way to get past this.

I'm 27, and she's 32 just for a bit of context.

This is a woman who I was certain I would spend the rest of my life with. Someone I would've done anything for, and I can't imagine doing anything that might hurt her. To make matters worse, I loved her 7 year-old son, and she always talked about how great a step dad I was going to be for him.

We spent Thanksgiving together for the first time thanks to my recent discharge from the Army. Thanksgiving could not have been more perfect. We spent the whole week together with her son and mother, and I was never more certain of our future. She professed the same, her son loves me to death, and prior to a few days ago, it was my all time favorite memory.

We've had our issues due to a side of my family not approving of our relationship, which has estranged me from them to a degree, but I always chose her and made it abundantly clear they were all being hypocritical idiots. She's my entire world.

Over time, she grew colder when we were apart ad became spiteful in moments over text. We had a few fights in the last few months, only when I'm staying at my dad's (in order to attend college here in the spring.) Due to circumstances on her end, moving in with her wasn't viable for another 6 months or so. At one point, she ended things in a text before we worked things out, and I made her promise the one thing she'd never do again is break up with me over text.

Whenever we were together, everything would be perfect, and she couldn't be happier. She eventually admitted that she'd grown resentful while I would be away.

Then the amazing Thanksgiving happened.

This past Friday night, she was acting a little off but we had to go to bed early for an event she was working first thing in the morning. As I was lying there holding her, she told me she had a heavy heart because she's felt like an asshole to me and she didn't know how to get past the resentment she'd built up. We talked and talked before she claimed I couldn't really love her. I then professed everything I feel for her, she cried, saying how she was completely in love with me and always has been.

Next day is weird, she does small little things that make me feel as if she doesn't want me there, but I assure myself it's just cause she's exhausted after the event, and it's all in my head. She went to sleep in her mom's bedroom where the family was doing crafts. I carry her son to her bed and begin to carry her to him when she woke up, freaked out, and had me put her down before complaining about a tooth that she needs operating on.

I then went to the kitchen to get her medicine only to find her in bed with her son asleep in a position which made it clear I couldn't easily join them. I put the medicine on her end table before she told me she didn't want any. I kissed her on the head and gathered my things before leaving without a word.

4 hours later, she sent a text saying little more than "I can't be your girlfriend anymore. We'll always be here for you as friends." A goddamned text.

I don't know how to come to terms with the reality of her being gone. Our life together being gone. How she could do the one thing she promised never to do, because I told her it would destroy me. She'd just told me she was madly in love with me the night before. She let me hold her and play with her son all day while she ran errands. Let him fall asleep with me on a chair before she awkwardly hugged me and thanked me for hanging out with them that day.

How do you get past it? For the past 29 hours, I try to distract myself with anything I can find, but the reality of it all keeps slamming into me. She told me how madly in love with me she is and then not even a day later broke up with me over text which she knew would utterly destroy me. The woman who I love with all my heart did that. The woman I was going to spend my life with.

It's pathetic, but I feel cored out and empty, I can't stop shaking when it inevitably hits me again, and I'm just so fucking sad.

TL;DR: The woman whom I was certain I was going to spend the rest of my life with just ended things, and I'm struggling to reconcile that reality with my mind.

Bonus TL;DR: **** Thanksgiving.

First of all dude, it's only been 29 hours. This shit is going to stick with you for a while right now. Don't worry about getting past it. Sulk. Binge. Be anti-social. Give yourself a few days. After that, get your friends involved. Go out and do stuff. Get distracted. Take up a hobby. DON'T TALK TO HER. Last thing you need is to torture yourself with the possibility that you will hook back up with her. If anything, she'll be the one contacting you if she really needs you.

I've been there, dude... Good luck.

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#23 Posted by WAJ (771 posts) -

I'm 41 and have had this done to me also.

I've also had to do this to someone else.

What you need to realise is that the person doing the dumping is (probably) doing this because they feel it is the right thing to do (somewhat obvious?!). People fall in and out of love, it's that simple.

The best advice I can give you is to;

  • Talk to people about it. The motional release that this will bring will help immensely with the way that you are feeling.
  • Cut off contact from both her and her son. This will be REALLY hard to do, but if you keep them in your life as "friends" when obviously you have feelings for her (and probably her for you too), there will ALWAYS be a glimmer, some sort of idea floating around in the back of your head that eventually you will get back together. This will be (trust) me, as, if not more devastating than the initial break up. It is not fair on YOU if she still wants to maintain contact but has no intention of it ever going anywhere. This limbo state will mess you up.
  • Be patient. I know it sound cliched, but TIME really is the greatest healer. At some point in the (hopefully) not too distant future, you will have the realisation that you are "over" both her and the relationship. It will be difficult, but as time passes, you will think about both of them less and less and eventually it will not hurt at all, although you will likely always question what went wrong (I do). This is just something that you have to accept and deal with.

When you get your head together, you will realise that obviously the relationship had flaws, even if you weren't aware of them. Nobody is perfect. You will find that once you are "over" the relationship, you will likely experience a clarity of thought on relationships which will (for better or worse) prevent you from getting into that type of relationship again. Unfortunately there may be lapses when you realise that history seems doomed to repeat itself, and you may need to take steps in order to prevent the relationship from getting to a point where you're going to get hurt in the same way.

Chin up. It gets better.

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#24 Posted by Blackhairedhero (3233 posts) -

Couple questions.

1.In terms of physical attraction what would you rate her?

2. What does she do for a living?

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#25 Posted by sonic_spark (5690 posts) -

Been there in terms of thinking my girlfriend was it and it went sideways. It took a few months, and a lot of it for me after the initial hurt for the first few weeks was ego (not to say that's the case with you). And it stung, and it definitely weighs on you.

But I can tell you that dating again, enjoying being single, made it go away and I got time to focus on myself and realized that it was a blessing in disguise. And as luck (or bad luck) would have it, I couldn't get my career off the ground post-university, my car broke down, and the breakup happened. It was tough. And then, because I had to go back to my old job during that period, I met my wife. Now her and I didn't end up dating until nearly 3 years after the initial meeting, and she lived her life, I lived mine, and by some chance we ended up finding each other after that initial meeting and are happily married.

I despise cliches, but everything happens for a reason. In your late 20's, I would say a good majority of people have their heart broken at least once.

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#26 Posted by LJS9502_basic (167112 posts) -

@blackhairedhero said:

Couple questions.

1.In terms of physical attraction what would you rate her?

2. What does she do for a living?

Ugh. But it figures.

Anyway dude in time you'll be over her. But don't call or text her. And DON"T be her friend. Give yourself time to grieve and them move on. Have fun. Meet people. Don't spend your time dwelling on the what ifs...............

Also if you are having sever problems............seek a professional.

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#27 Posted by JustPlainLucas (79380 posts) -
@LJS9502_basic said:
@blackhairedhero said:

Couple questions.

1.In terms of physical attraction what would you rate her?

2. What does she do for a living?

Ugh. But it figures.

Anyway dude in time you'll be over her. But don't call or text her. And DON"T be her friend. Give yourself time to grieve and them move on. Have fun. Meet people. Don't spend your time dwelling on the what ifs...............

Also if you are having sever problems............seek a professional.

Yeah, I can't stress that enough. Instead of just letting someone go, we tried to remain friends off and on for years and all it ended up doing was driving each other crazy because we tried to be more than that but couldn't and it only made things worse and harder to deal with in the future.

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#28 Posted by Baconstrip78 (1396 posts) -

Either you massively misconstrued how good your relationship was, or there is someone else.

People generally don’t just withdraw like that without a person pulling them away from you.

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#29 Edited by Blaze787 (534 posts) -

I know it’s going to be very hard to get over her, but this is a blessing in disguise. Find yourself a woman who’s your age or younger, and if you have no kids of your own, make sure she has no kids either.

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#30 Posted by Ovirew (9119 posts) -

@Blaze787 said:

I know it’s going to be very hard to get over her, but this is a blessing in disguise. Find yourself a woman who’s your age or younger, and if you have no kids of your own, make sure she has no kids either.

This makes tons of sense to me. Listen to this guy! What happened to you was probably for the best. Look for a girl about your age, OR younger - NOT older. If you have no kids, don't date a woman with kids. I know it sounds weird, but I think this is really accurate!!!

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#31 Posted by loco145 (12134 posts) -

I have a solution for you, OP:

https://www.gamespot.com/forums/offtopic-discussion-314159273/japanese-man-marries-virtual-reality-singer-hatsun-33446122/