The Five Stages Of Being Drunk.

http://www.lmgtfy.com/?q=5+stages+of+being+drunk

http://www.lmgtfy.com/?q=5+stages+of+being+drunk

Stinger78

I found this one pretty funny

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.

When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign.

The man thought that was great.

A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly.

The bartender looked over and signed "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and threw the group out of the bar.

The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "If I told them once I told them 100 times - NO SINGING IN THE BAR!"

I thought stage 3 was - "you go to brush something off your shoulder and find it's the floor."

Doesn't seem to be good joke for being drunk....meh.

Another

It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it.

At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume."

"No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Alright," the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away.

"Thanks," he says, and leaves.

An hour later another vampire comes in and sits at the bar. He says "Hi, I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Okay," the bartender says and goes in the back again. He comes out with another cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it and leaves with a 'thanks'.

An hour later a third vampire comes in and sits at the bar. "Hi," he says to to the bartender. "I'm a vam..."

"I know, I know," the bartender interrupts. "You're a vampire and you want a cup of blood right?"

"Um, no," the vampire answers. "I AM a vampire, but I'd just like a glass of hot water please."

"Sure" the bartender says. He pours him a glass of hot water. As he gives it to the vampire he says "You know, there were two vampires that came in before you that wanted blood. How come you're just asking for water?"

Without answering the vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used band-aid.

"Tea time."

Stage 1 - SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART. Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun. Stage 3 - RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world. Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway! Stage 5 - INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.th3warr1or

Ive experienced all bout the last phase of your drunken list =)

Ohh and you forgot the "im not saing this cause im drunk" stage.

Were you tell your friend that you just meet that you love him cause he´s such a cool guy.

http://www.lmgtfy.com/?q=5+stages+of+being+drunk

Stinger78

[QUOTE="Stinger78"]

http://www.lmgtfy.com/?q=5+stages+of+being+drunk

mfp16

[QUOTE="mfp16"][QUOTE="Stinger78"]

http://www.lmgtfy.com/?q=5+stages+of+being+drunk

th3warr1or

You forget stage six: The LJS phase. Its when you think the cure actually has good music. [spoiler] I'm kidding forumiters. Calm down LJS, just back away and calm down. I have pathetic insults and I'm not afraid to actually use them anoymously over the internet [/spoiler] Wilfred_Owen

^^^ Don't quite get it(cause I'm pretty much drunk). Please explain, even if it doesn't make the joke funny anymore.. I get something about the vampire having drank blood already. th3warr1or

[QUOTE="th3warr1or"]^^^ Don't quite get it(cause I'm pretty much drunk). Please explain, even if it doesn't make the joke funny anymore.. I get something about the vampire having drank blood already. FreezeBlast95

I did something similar in a blog ages ago. Copy pasta time:

Being completely sober I have made some amusing observations. I can catagorise what kind of drunk people can become.

Born again sober: Always the first to throw up, very lightweight. Often seen resting head against the porcelin of a toilet saying "Never again...never again".

The lover: Goes around telling everyone how much they love you. Usually this is swiftly followed by Born again sober

Waterworks: Becomes incredibly emotional over the slightest of things. Won't make a whole lot of sense. Can also fall into the lover catagory, or become incredibly bitter towards anything and everything.

The Genius: Is often heard saying "I've got a great idea!" which can end up with hilarious consequences posted up on YouTube.

Sir Mopesalot: Stops talking. Completely. You'll be lucky if you can get a visual response out of them.

Hungry Hungry Hippo: No night out is complete without cheesy garlic bread and greasy meat of questionable origins at 3am.

I can relate to "Bullet Proof" very well!

I did something similar in a blog ages ago. Copy pasta time:

Being completely sober I have made some amusing observations. I can catagorise what kind of drunk people can become.

Born again sober: Always the first to throw up, very lightweight. Often seen resting head against the porcelin of a toilet saying "Never again...never again".

The lover: Goes around telling everyone how much they love you. Usually this is swiftly followed by Born again sober

Waterworks: Becomes incredibly emotional over the slightest of things. Won't make a whole lot of sense. Can also fall into the lover catagory, or become incredibly bitter towards anything and everything.

The Genius: Is often heard saying "I've got a great idea!" which can end up with hilarious consequences posted up on YouTube.

Sir Mopesalot: Stops talking. Completely. You'll be lucky if you can get a visual response out of them.

Hungry Hungry Hippo: No night out is complete without cheesy garlic bread and greasy meat of questionable origins at 3am.

AirGuitarist87

Lol, I like this better due to the funnier names :P

I'm usually a corss between teh Genius, the Hungry Hungry Hippo, and the next morning I'm occasionally the born again sober... fun times

also, whats with the numerous alcohol-related OT threads atm :S

[QUOTE="FreezeBlast95"]

[QUOTE="th3warr1or"]^^^ Don't quite get it(cause I'm pretty much drunk). Please explain, even if it doesn't make the joke funny anymore.. I get something about the vampire having drank blood already. th3warr1or

outside of the bulletproof one I don't think I have been any of those while being drunk. I think it completely varies from person to person.

Stage 1 - SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART. Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun. Stage 3 - RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world. Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway! Stage 5 - INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.th3warr1or

Seeing as how I'm ACTUALLY smart, I manage to avoid all of those steps entirely, and basically go immediately to being sick.

[QUOTE="th3warr1or"] I'm not gonna argue but the site I took it from didn't have any copyright, nor did it ask for "credit", so I felt no need to give one. Thus not plagiarism. mfp16

Perhaps now he'll get expelled from The Internet.

Perhaps now he'll get expelled from The Internet.

MrGeezer

1) Stupidity-- thinking that you can only have fun by altering reality.

2) continued stupidity- Waking up the next day and not remembering this "fun" that you had, but insisiting that it took place.

1) Stupidity-- thinking that you can only have fun by altering reality.

2) continued stupidity- Waking up the next day and not remembering this "fun" that you had, but insisiting that it took place.

DigitalExile

Honestly, I have always found this to be a stupid argument.

1) Who the **** ever said that drinkers can ONLY have fun by drinking? How does that claim make ANY freaking sense? If you find Metal Gear Solid to be fun, does this mean that you are somehow incapable of having fun unless you are playing Metal Gear Solid? Were fans of Metal Gear Solid just pathetically moping around in perpetual agony, simply because Metal Gear Solid had not yet been released? On release day, were they saying to themselves, "this is it...Metal Gear Solid is finally being released, and from this point on my whole life is going to be perfect"?

Uh...no. They just thought that Metal Gear Solid was fun. Along with the thousands of other things that they ALSO have fun doing.

And it's the exact same thing with drinkers. Can a skater ONLY have fun by skating? Can a singer ONLY have fun by singing? Who the **** came up with this garbage? Have you ever heard a drinker actually tell you that they can only have fun by drinking? Or are you simply PRETENDING that all drinkers feel this way just to make yourself feel better about your decision to not drink?

2) Just my anecdotal evidence, but the VAST majority of drinkers I have encountered actually try to AVOID getting so ****faced that they don't remember what happened. Pretending like that's the norm for people who drink alcohol is like me making a post portraying all videogame players as sad pathetic socially inept virgins who only pretend to be badass monster slayers in order to compensate for their own lives thoroughly sucking.

I dont necessarily go through all of these steps each time...

But i may major in one of them on a specific night.

[QUOTE="MrGeezer"]Perhaps now he'll get expelled from The Internet.

mfp16

I agree it's a great idea, and propose we start with you. Seriously, dude, he re-posted a joke from a joke website, what's the big deal? It's not like he's buying old essays online and turning them in for a class.

I agree it's a great idea, and propose we start with you. Seriously, dude, he re-posted a joke from a joke website, what's the big deal? It's not like he's buying old essays online and turning them in for a class.theone86

[QUOTE="theone86"]I agree it's a great idea, and propose we start with you. Seriously, dude, he re-posted a joke from a joke website, what's the big deal? It's not like he's buying old essays online and turning them in for a class.mfp16

Then my work here is done.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say bannana?

I suppose now I'm a plaigarist for not being the first person to ever tell that joke, huh?

1) Stupidity-- thinking that you can only have fun by altering reality.

2) continued stupidity- Waking up the next day and not remembering this "fun" that you had, but insisiting that it took place.

DigitalExile

Someone needs to loosen up a little :P

As for the 5 stages of being drunk... some of them happen to me from time to time. I don't dance or serve drinks to strangers though.

[QUOTE="mfp16"][QUOTE="theone86"]I agree it's a great idea, and propose we start with you. Seriously, dude, he re-posted a joke from a joke website, what's the big deal? It's not like he's buying old essays online and turning them in for a class.theone86

Then my work here is done.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say bannana?

I suppose now I'm a plaigarist for not being the first person to ever tell that joke, huh?