Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
If you have a $5 bill and Chuck Norris has a $5 Chuck Norris has more money than you. Chuck Norris doesn't kill 2 birds with one stone he kills 2 stones with one bird. There is no concept of evolution doesn't exist just the list of animals Chuck Allows to live.
Everybody loves Raymond...Execpt Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order. Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego. Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.
2 ~ Every year on April 15th, Chuck Norris sends a letter to the IRS saying how much money they owe him.
3 ~ Chuck Norris is so fast that he can run around the world and kick himself in the back of the head.
4 ~ There is no 'Ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
5 ~ Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
6 ~ There is no evolution. Just a list of species that Chuck Norris allows to live.
7 ~ Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.
8 ~ Chuck Norris was originally supposed to go to Hiroshima during World War II, but the US decided that an atomic bomb was more humane.
9 ~ Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.
10 ~ When Chuck Norris walks into a room, he doesn't turn the lights on. He turns the darkness off.
11 ~ One time Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands. After he left they had to rename name it just 'The Islands'.
12 ~ Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
13 ~ A snake once bit Chuck Norris. After five days of extreme pain, the snake died.
14 ~ Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC because Law & Order are the trademarked names of his left and right legs.
15 ~ Lightning never strikes twice in the same place because it knows that Chuck Norris is looking for it.
16 ~ In one episode of 'The Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire', Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for an entire scene and no one noticed.
17 ~ Under Chuck Norris' beard there is no chin, only another fist.
18 ~ Chuck Norris knows the meaning of every word in the dictionary - except mercy.
19 ~ Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes. He knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
20 ~ Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper doesn't have the courage to tell him.
21 ~ Chuck Norris is so strong that when he does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down.
22 ~ Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
23 ~ When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris'd.
24 ~ Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
25 ~ Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
26 ~ 'The Black-Eyed Peas' were originally just 'The Peas' until they met Chuck Norris.
27 ~ Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
28 ~ If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
29 ~ When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
30 ~ Chuck Norris can beat a brick wall at tennis.
31 ~ Godzilla was modeled after Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
32 ~ Chuck Norris doesn't st.yle his hair. It lies perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
33 ~ Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
34 ~ Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
35 ~ The following is a list of things that Chuck Norris cannot do:
36 ~ The opening scene of 'Saving Private Ryan' is based on a game of dodgeball that Chuck Norris played in second grade.
37 ~ Chuck Norris can delete the recycle bin.
38 ~ Chuck Norris invented the giraffe by upper-cutting a horse.
39 ~ Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
40 ~ Chuck Norris built the house he was born in.
41 ~ Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
42 ~ Chuck Norris can beat the Sun at a staring contest.
43 ~ Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
44 ~ Chuck Norris was originally the star of the TV show '24', but he killed every terrorist on the planet in just under twelve seconds.
45 ~ Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
46 ~ Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and they gave him one.
47 ~ Chuck Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
48 ~ Chuck Norris' calendar goes from March 31st straight to April 2nd because nobody fools Chuck Norris.
49 ~ Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
50 ~ They were going to carve Chuck Norris' face onto Mt. Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.
I did a blog on this a week or so ago. Sorry if any are duplicates of ones already posted.
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