Talking to strangers

I'm an introvert, and I've always found comfort in keeping to myself, but I'm also shy and have mild social anxiety, I want to start challenging myself to step outside the comfort zone: to find opportunities to casually talk to complete strangers in my daily life, overcoming feelings of self-consciousness and awkwardness. I feel like there is so much a person could gain by learning to speak to a stranger.

I wanted to hear your thoughts on speaking to complete strangers: What are your thoughts on that. Do you do that? How do you feel when someone comes up to you when you are on the bus, at the store, at the park, etc...

I tried, and what I found out is most people don't want to be bothered.

I hate it, especially when walking. Leave me alone. I don't mind the eye-contact quick "hi" and/or wave. But don't start a conversation with me. I'm listening to my music and focusing on my walk. I'm doing it for my health and mind, not to make friends.

I find it differs on where you live. I grew up and resided in HI for over half my life (around 25 years), and it was only after I moved away (now in PA) did I notice the difference.

Not going to lie…..mainlanders are f***ing assholes. They just are, especially east coasters, and the further west you go, the friendlier people tend to get. But PA, NJ, NY? Ugh, absolute sewers of human kindness. If you come up to people and start talking or simply try to be friendly for friendliness’s sake, they always suspect you of some underlying motive or scheme. Thinking you want something from them. There’s incredible paranoia, and everyone is business minded and very protective of their space. It’s insane, the tangible hostility present in the air. After having lived here since ‘18, I generally now mind my own business. It sucks socially and makes day to day interactions mostly unpleasant, but is what it is.

So yeah, my efforts socially with strangers are reserved until I go back home to the islands. The people there are very happy to be in such a place, and it shows. Mainland attitudes are not tolerated at all, and you’ll quickly get attitude back if you don’t show aloha.

No, I do not talk to strangers unless they talk to me. Usually don't want to bother people or be bothered. I've always been like that. The friends that I have is thanks to them talking to me, not the other way around. If people didn't talk to me, I'd probably have no friends. :P I'm really shy.

Sometimes wish I could talk to strangers more casually. Some people look, sound or act interesting and I kinda want to talk to them, but don't.

@MirkoS77: I'm with you on the East coast thing.

I only talk to strangers out of necessity, I wouldn't start a conversation with some rando on the streets.

I never speak to a stranger unless I need directions or help. I would come across as a creep talking to random strangers.

@one_plum:

I typically hate people, in general. If you find me anywhere and try to talk to me, there's a good chance that I'll be bitchy. Glad I never joined a customer service!

Most people are overrated. Honestly these days I think it's better to meet people with similar interests online for those that have a difficult time opening up or fitting in.

I don't mind someone starting a conversation with me that I don't know, but you will very seldom see the same in reverse. It's not that I don't care, it's that they probably don't. I like to respect that unwritten bond.. lol

Their was a kid who delivered my Chinese about a week or two back, Polish. Had a Dragonball T-shirt on, looked young about 20-22.

I said "ah, Dragonball, use to watch that"

He said "yea".

Great conversation.

Yeah, my argument is mostly relative based. I’m measuring friendliness compared to my old stomping grounds, but even so, NJ and NY have recently been voted one of (if not) the most unfriendliest places in the nation. This is concordant to my own personal experience. FL tends to be friendlier though, I agree.

I think the thing with HI that contrasts with the mainland is that there’s a certain unifying philosophy and culture in the islands you don’t find in the mainland, and that’s due to the geography. Being water locked enforces a feeling of kinship. But being in such a beautiful area also makes people noticeably more happy. The mainland can be a real depressing and cynical place.

I'm the same way as well. Asking questions for directions (which is rare) is also fine but that's about it.

I'm an introvert as well and rarely leave the house, don't have any friends and barely interact with relatives, but I find it easier to talk to strangers (maybe because they don't know that I usually keep my mouth shut and don't point out how weird it is that I'm saying something).

I'm an introvert as well, and the thing that helped me was getting a job in the service industry.

I got a job as a brewer many years ago at a small brewery, and as with many jobs at small businesses, you have to wear many hats. I cleaned kegs, I made beer, I organized inventory...and I worked the taps.

That was probably the best part, actually, because while shy, quiet, and introverted, I really do like people (and humanity in general). It helped train me in talking to total strangers, and many of those people that were locals became good acquaintances and a few even friends.

It helped teach me how to ask questions without being nosy, people in turn would then ask me questions. Folks would talk about the beer and then I'd be like "Oh well I Made this one, it's the blah blah blah that gives it the citrus taste".

The downside is that in a lot of service jobs, especially chains like Starbucks or clothing stores, you meet a lot of jerks. I would suggest becoming something like a server at a restaurant or do what I did (not necessarily a brewer, but working in a small mon-and-pop store).

Yeah I think this cannot be overstated: it really depends on the area and whether you're used to the local customs, etiquette, and mannerisms.

I mean, I think in Norway if you're a guest, like staying over at someone's home, they don't feed you. I've heard stories where people will visit and then dinner time will come around and the family will sit down to eat but the guest won't be offered anything. That's kind of a dick move by my standards as a Californian, but I guess that's totally normal by Norwegian standards.

I think once you get down to it though and have a conversation with the individual, however, a lot of that sort of melts away and people are generally the same for the most part.

Another introvert here. I tend to keep to myself so I never really engaged in conversation with total strangers. Sometimes I do feel like it though. Not because I enjoy small talk - I hate it. I just think that people (at least some of them) are interesting. And like the TC said, it would help me get out of my comfort zone and improve my conversation skills.

noticed something similar when my wife and i took a road trip out west. both of us grew up in the east coast. we were out in the middle of nowhere in idaho or something at some random local place to get dinner and were really surprised at how friendly and nice everyone was. it was a little off putting at first because as you said, people typically have their guards up and are suspicious.

When I’m on the bus with a friend and we’re talking, it’s rather rude for someone to insert themselves in a conversation that they’re not invited in. This has happened on many occasion. I also don’t go on the bus to talk, so please leave me alone to my thoughts. In fact, if I’m waiting outside for anything, whether it’s at a bus stop or what have you, please leave me alone. Asking for little things is fine, but not trying to have a dialogue with me. Especially because I despise small talk. I would argue there is a time and a place for talking, but it’s definitely not the few examples I gave.

@girlusocrazy: I live in Washington and people are like that. XD I always try to make eye contact but the percentage of people looking back is slim to none. Lol

I had someone visit me in WA and they told me, everyone looks at their feet while walking. It’s so true though

Don't be like him.

Talking to people is easy if you find a common denominator. I.E. you are looking at games, standing in the meat section of a supermarket, etc..,

Either begging for money or trying to sell me things.. usually CDs...

i'm an introvert too in the sense i get exhausted being in very social situations for more than an hour or two. going to my gfriend's xmas do for e.g. and the prospect of having to spend all night making small talk with a bunch of people i don't know and whose names i'll never remember is just awful. i dread it.

if it was a problem for me like you're describing in that it's something i wanted to overcome, in general i wouldn't bother with going out of your way to try and talk to strangers. sure, if you're in a taxi, make a bit of small talk with the driver. same with any other people you come into contact with through similar natural circumstances. but outside of those scenarios it's unlikely (but not impossible) that you'll get any real value from it. instead i'd focus on trying to get to better know work colleagues, neighbours, mates outside your inner circle etc. it's far more natural, far less likely to get kick back / rejection and better longer term payoff. just my opinion

Yeah, PA is terrible. The people from there are vile.

I'm in-between and intro and extrovert.

I was picking up my nieces from school last Thursday and sitting outside. Then some lady who must have been in her late 20's asked me for the time. Then she asked if I knew what doors the kindergartner children came out of. Then she saw a lady who told her everything about the children and what grades they came out at what doors. Then she sits next to me and starts talking to herself and ask me for the time again. I told her and she went to the other side of the school.

I never talk to strangers though this is probably the first time that I had a women could me up and ask a question. Didn't bother me as I usually keep to myself but I am introvert as it's hard to keep a conversation going for me and running out of things to say to the person. I have made small talk when taking a Lyft ride and the driver asked about my Spring break plans last month and talk to him and he told me about his dad with Dementia and his mom with cancer. Could relate cause my dad was in the hospital last month and it felt good to talk to someone plus the guy would keep my dad in his prayers.

It's something I'm trying to work on because I've never been very good at small talk. Thankfully I'm surrounded by an amazing, nonjudgmental group of Spanish people at my current job who are really easy to get along with. Baby steps. That sounds kind of pathetic at my age I guess, but still, it's better to be growing than stagnating.

Weirdly enough, flirting is much less of a problem. I really enjoy paying compliments and that kind of puts us on an even footing for awkwardness, lol.

They're amongst the least friendly people I’ve met. Especially in Philly.

Yeah Idaho has pretty chill people in it. Also the south I find to be very friendly, always get along with southerners quite well, and the chicks are absolute babes. 😍

Just something about the strict business-minded formalities of the EC rubs me wrongly. It’s a very tense, elitist culture. It’s like, “get to the f***ing point, or leave me the f**k alone!”. Not pleasant to be around.

i had an uncle who moved down to south carolina decades ago and and my family noticed his speech got slower and slower over time. it became hard to talk to him because you'd be listening to him like "spit out what you're trying to say!"

I have "D.I.D" so one day I'll be a total extrovert, the next, Introvert.
It isn't really a curse more than, Its created unique friendships.
I honestly can't stand some people, yet, the same people I can't stand are my homies for life ^_^
I got a challenge for you dudes, and, dudettes. Tomorrow instead of being reclusive (not saying anyone is) go out, talk to family or a friend. tell them you came out for them.
SOunds silly but it will go a long way.