OT, do you find it harder to make friends as an adult?

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#1 Posted by DaVillain- (36452 posts) -

So, I have a few really good friends, (only 4 though) but I've known them since high school and one from work. I've noticed that meeting people as an adult is really difficult and I wonder if a lot of other people struggle with this as well? As an adult, pretty much all I do is go to work and go home to play my one and only favorite hobby, playing video games on my PC.

These days, I have found my online social group to be more effective then meeting people in person. I would say finding to meet someone who doesn't share the same interest is harder here in the United States.

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#2 Posted by johnd13 (9720 posts) -

I'm introverted and don't really like social gatherings so yes it's harder for me now. Thankfully, I've got a close circle of 7-8 friends whom I met in university 8 years ago so I don't need any more. There are also a couple of guys I served alongside during my military service who I might consider friends.

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#3 Posted by So_Carrieous (44 posts) -

Nope.

People of today are lost in social media and assumption, tho.

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#4 Edited by Litchie (23863 posts) -

Yeah, but it's mostly because I don't go out. When I went to school I had to go out and meet people. I don't try to get more friends. If I did I'd probably not have too much trouble doing so.

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#5 Posted by HEATHEN75 (685 posts) -

I don't find it harder, I just don't care to. I've got a solid group of around 20 friends that I've run with since the early 90's. I play Xbox regularly with half of them and fantasy football with the other half. I only have 3 friends that I've known less than 10 years, all 3 from work.

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#6 Posted by jaydan (2265 posts) -

Not necessarily. I tend to be outgoing wherever I go so it's not tough to attract anyone to wanting to be my friend.

I think the only thing that's different for me now with getting friends versus how I used to be: I am more selective on who I choose to be friends with. I no longer favor with people just because because they like me. I don't keep the gates open anymore and embrace just anyone that gives me attention. Nowadays I am very particular on the friendships I have and what kind of substance they bring to my life. If I detect a superficial form of connection, I'm probably more likely to not be that person's friend.

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#7 Posted by SOedipus (11449 posts) -

I think so, but I don’t care because I’m so busy with work and family.

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#8 Posted by Byshop (19566 posts) -

I've found it to be far easier as an adult, but I'm also far less interested in doing it as an adult.

-Byshop

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#9 Posted by uninspiredcup (33269 posts) -

I've never been very popular. Pretty bad with people.

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#10 Edited by Sevenizz (3817 posts) -

I don’t actively try to make friends. I’m socially satisfied with family and existing friends. Co-workers try to invite me to ‘things’ and I never go. I come up with excuses because quite frankly, I’m there to collect a paycheque and go home when I’m done. My present job isn’t fulfilling enough for me to consider staying there so I feel making friends to be a waste of energy and time.

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#11 Posted by DaVillain- (36452 posts) -

@jaydan said:

Not necessarily. I tend to be outgoing wherever I go so it's not tough to attract anyone to wanting to be my friend.

I think the only thing that's different for me now with getting friends versus how I used to be: I am more selective on who I choose to be friends with. I no longer favor with people just because because they like me. I don't keep the gates open anymore and embrace just anyone that gives me attention. Nowadays I am very particular on the friendships I have and what kind of substance they bring to my life. If I detect a superficial form of connection, I'm probably more likely to not be that person's friend.

That's a great way of putting it. I can be very picky who I wish to be pals with. It's just hard to trust someone nowadays and I struggle to make friends. I just don't like going out doing what most people do to socialist. (I don't drink alcohol and I dislike chatterboxes)

@Byshop said:

I've found it to be far easier as an adult, but I'm also far less interested in doing it as an adult.

-Byshop

Easier as an Adult? I find it lot more easy to do as a kid/teenage.

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#12 Posted by blaznwiipspman1 (7189 posts) -

@davillain-: you can make new friends if you want to make friends.

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#13 Posted by PernicioEnigma (6068 posts) -

I haven't had a social life in years so being in a social situation is really weird to me. I occasionally get invited out places by people at work, but I almost never go to anything.

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#15 Posted by Speeny (1622 posts) -

For sure. I was a very social extroverted kid. But as soon as puberty hit and especially in my adulthood now I've become much more introverted. I've only got a small circle of friends I can rely on in real life. Online friends are probably the better half because it's easier to relate to them.

A lot of my friends in real life I've known from school and we've just generally stayed in contact. Pretty different from each other nowadays though.

I hardly ever attend events that I'm invited to anymore. Because my real life friends "circle" of people don't really mix well with me. The last house party I attended everyone was drunk within the first hour and being the sober person I am I was like: "Yeah, I'll take my leave."

I feel as if a lot of people are just consumed by social media these days and have become extremely self-obsessed. (I know, I sound old saying that.) Things like Instagram annoy the hell out of me.

So in a nutshell. I enjoy my own company these days. :P

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#16 Posted by Speeny (1622 posts) -

Also to add to my previous comment...I wish I had more friends in real life that'd be more willing to game with me. Couch co-op games are something that has been tricky for me because the majority of my friends have no patience and get bored easily.

The one friend I do have however, and used to play games with regularly.. is pretty caught up with more of a social life at the moment. Which is understandable.

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#17 Posted by omegaMaster (1263 posts) -
@Sevenizz said:

My present job isn’t fulfilling enough for me to consider staying there so I feel making friends to be a waste of energy and time.

Me too. You are not alone here. Thought I was the only one.

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#18 Edited by warmblur (2344 posts) -

I'm a loner for life and I just don't care anymore about making friends in real life all my past friendships where trash anyways. I was never a social butterfly my sister is the exact opposite of me it's funny how that works out.

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#19 Posted by Speeny (1622 posts) -

@warmblur: Honestly man, less people less dramas is the way I see it. Lol

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#20 Posted by warmblur (2344 posts) -

@speeny said:

@warmblur: Honestly man, less people less dramas is the way I see it. Lol

100 percent agree I try to avoid drama as much as I can.

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#21 Posted by Mandzilla (4084 posts) -

Nah, I find it much easier now actually. Used to be way more introverted and shy when I was a kid.

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#22 Edited by J_Mouse_Balls (11 posts) -

Yes very difficult. Lost my sociability as I got older.

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#23 Posted by Dakalo (7 posts) -

Yes, but I think its normal, work, family, etc. take your time.

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#24 Edited by marley7game (32 posts) -

there all my friends

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#25 Posted by J_Mouse_Balls (11 posts) -

@marley7game:

Careful you don’t come across negative friends. Or better put you get involved with people that rely on common activity to cloud their unhappiness. They will suck you in like a cult.

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#26 Posted by double_decker (146078 posts) -

I also have a hard time meeting friends as an adult. I basically just work and come home and game. Gave up what friends I had when I moved and got married. Now that I'm getting a divorce I do find life pretty lonely. Thankfully I can normally find someone online to have a conversation with while gaming. Definitely would be nice to have someone close to go and hang out with sometimes though.

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#27 Posted by J_Mouse_Balls (11 posts) -

@double_decker: @double_decker:

Ouch. Don’t know anybody like that, personally.

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#29 Edited by J_Mouse_Balls (11 posts) -

@crimsonllama:

Look on the bright side you don’t have people attacking you. THOSE are the real unhappy, miserable people.

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#30 Posted by speedfreak48t5p (13614 posts) -

@uninspiredcup: Same as this gentleman.

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#31 Posted by omegaMaster (1263 posts) -

I think so. The people I spend most of my time are people at work. I have a couple of friends that I am still in contact with. I am lonely most of the time. I rarely go out and see my friends when I really should do. The problem I face with my existing friends is they live outside my area or live in a different country.

Making new friends isn't as straightforward for me since I don't have any friends in my area and I don't socialise with my colleagues outside of work unless it's a work night out. I have only made one friend from work and that was in my first job.

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#32 Posted by double_decker (146078 posts) -

@j_mouse_balls said:

@double_decker: @double_decker:

Ouch. Don’t know anybody like that, personally.

I'll survive, I've always been pretty anti social and I have good family. In the end it just means less work not having the wife and more time gaming! =)

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#33 Posted by J_Mouse_Balls (11 posts) -

@double_decker:

As long as you mind ur business. So many bitter people try to throw other people off.

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#34 Posted by double_decker (146078 posts) -

@j_mouse_balls said:

@double_decker:

As long as you mind ur business. So many bitter people try to throw other people off.

I've learned over the years a majority of people tend to be into things for themselves, which is why so few true friendships and relationships exist. Also, as far as relationships go, most confuse lust with love.

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#35 Posted by J_Mouse_Balls (11 posts) -

@double_decker:

On your experience and how you conduct yourself, maybe.

First i’ve Heard of it tho. Wow sorry to hear that.

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#36 Posted by Ovirew (8988 posts) -

This is a good subject, lots of different answers here.

For me, it's always been pretty difficult to find friendship. I think I certainly had some opportunities to make more friends that I didn't take over the years, and I gave up on some of the friendships I did have.

I think maybe it is harder as an adult, for the simple fact that when you're younger you have more free time, and as an adult you have a job and possibly a family.

But it's also true, like many of you mentioned, that people today seem to be harder to interact with. Sure the smartphones are one thing, but.... I think a lot of people have extremely bad social skills, and are just kind of rude to others. I thought I had bad social skills until recently, but now I think mine are fairly decent compared to a lot of peoples'.

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#37 Edited by deactivated-5c38b6bb4b978 (45 posts) -

Fairly easy if I wanted to, but I don't enjoy going out anymore. I also have no patience for people. I had a lot of friends throughout school/college but have only kept up with a few since - frankly I don't really miss having all those people around all the time anyway. Being a misanthrope and a nihilist, these days I prefer the company of video games and my pets.

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#38 Posted by -ParaNormaN- (1539 posts) -

I find it fairly easy to just go up to someone and start friendly conversation. I make "friends" that way but, they're not lifelong friends or anything. I do still make lifelong friends though, or at least that's my goal. Mostly start a friendship and see where it leads type of thing. I have 3 lifelong friends from high school and 1 who dates one of them. I don't try to do anything though, if our friendship leads to that, then that's fantastic. If it doesn't, it's no big deal. Friendship come and go, it's life.

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#39 Posted by goodzorr (497 posts) -

Generally don't 'try' to make new friends, but often its a friend of an existing friend. I play football with my old housemate and his friends, where he no longer attends but I still go and they've become decent friends. I also have my friends from when I was at school (which includes my step brother) and we've known each other for 25 years; however we all live dotted around the UK now so don't see each other too often.

I also only play online with people I know in real life, which apparently is uncommon??

So essentially I have three groups of distinct friends; football ones, gaming ones and old school ones. Very content with that.

Also like a lot of people have said on here, I don't often find much enjoyment in going out and about anymore. I'd rather play games online (or board games at a house) with the same friends like I do most nights, but also coupled with spending time with my girlfriend and our daughter, doesn't leave too much time to go out. I find our time together precious, and don't want to give it up easily.

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#40 Posted by thereal25 (1757 posts) -

I guess it's harder to make friends as an adult because adults are often more preoccupied with work, family and existing social circles/hobbies/interests.

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#41 Posted by X_Karen_x (500 posts) -

No.

But i know a girl that is obsessed with someone and i think it makes someone else jealous.

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#42 Posted by shellcase86 (4396 posts) -

I find it's easier, too. The people I'm close with though, tend to be very social, so it's kind of a domino effect.

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#43 Posted by brimmul777 (4052 posts) -

All out of friends,my best friend growing up killed himself when he was 28 years old. He had mental problems and drug'n'alcohol issues as well. Very smart person with the smarts to become to whatever he'd wish to be,but addiction and mental disorders dragged him down the wrong path and eventually his death. As for me,gave up on being close to anyone since that time and I never even had a girlfriend in my life either,but slept with plenty of prostitutes over two decades.

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#44 Posted by X_Karen_x (500 posts) -

I make tons of friends through the computer.

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#45 Posted by DaVillain- (36452 posts) -

@x_karen_x said:

I make tons of friends through the computer.

And sometimes, not in a good way.

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#46 Posted by X_Karen_x (500 posts) -

@davillain-:

Oh whatever do you mean?! Always in a good way, honest way.

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#47 Posted by PimpHand_Gamer (2855 posts) -

It's more about lifestyle changes than being more difficult. Kids just lead a very different lifestyle than adults.

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#48 Posted by double_decker (146078 posts) -

@pimphand_gamer said:

It's more about lifestyle changes than being more difficult. Kids just lead a very different lifestyle than adults.

Your username is full of win. Just wanted to say that. =)

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#49 Posted by PimpHand_Gamer (2855 posts) -

@double_decker said:
@pimphand_gamer said:

It's more about lifestyle changes than being more difficult. Kids just lead a very different lifestyle than adults.

Your username is full of win. Just wanted to say that. =)

Hand kept strong since 1986

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#50 Posted by double_decker (146078 posts) -

@pimphand_gamer said:

Hand kept strong since 1986

1983 for me lol