My dad single-handedly ruins marraige. Refuses to accept any responsibility.

So basically we've fallen under some hard times and about five years ago my dad became a heavy drinker. Coeincidentally, this is when he says my mom started going downhill in their marraige. When he drinks, he gets violent, scary, and forgets most of what happened the next day and just remembers the angry parts. He says my mom doesn't love him when she falls asleep on the couch instead of in bed when he's drunk and calls her lazy and crap. Last night he just flipped and said he wanted to end it. My mom fell asleep crying and howling like a child in my arms. It's moments like that where a spouse is supposed to be there for each other but he just comes out and starts yelling some more. This morning I woke him up and said pretty much everything I've been feeling for the past five years. About drinking, how he treats her, how he refuses to seek help. I told him he has no where to go but he doesn't care. All he remembers is the bad stuff that happened last night. That very same yesterday before the alchohol kicked in he said he loved her dearly. And she's always loved him. But he's always had a problem with thinking that he's always right, even when you prove him wrong. It's far from a perfect marraige but mom doesn't want out, and I don't think he truly does either, but is too drunk and bitter to know that. Advice?

Is your Mom working just as many hours as he is and bringing in the same money?

Is this something you really should ask on video game forum?

Is this something you really should ask on video game forum?

supa_badman

Get professional help...alcoholism is a sickness, and needs to be treated. After that some marriage counseling couldn't hurt. Easier said than done I'm afraid.

Hmm, that sucks. How old are you?

Get professional help...alcoholism is a sickness, and needs to be treated. After that some marriage counseling couldn't hurt. Easier said than done I'm afraid.

LieutenantFeist

Is your Mom working just as many hours as he is and bringing in the same money?

Jaysonguy

Roughly. He's a construction worker and she works in admitting at a hospital, but she always cleaned and got up an hour early to prepare him for work and stuff.

Hmm, that sucks. How old are you?

Palantas

17. I've been preparing for something like this for quite a while now and I'm old enough to realize I didn't do anything wrong.

Only 17? That's no good. :(

Sorry to hear that. It's good that you confronted him about it. How big is your dad? Do you think you can take him if you have to?

But only if it comes to that. Don't go picking fights with him because some random internet user told you to. Hmm. I really have no idea, try talking to him instead and try to convince him to join AA or something.

You and your Mom need to get out now.

If your Mom still loves him then she can call him and encourage him to get into an alcohol abuse program and if he stays clean she will come back.

If he doesn't see the light and willingly do this then there is an inevitable outcome that won't be pretty.

Feel bad for you, but this is a disease and nothing your mom or yousay can change anything until he address the disease. He has to decide which is more important: his family or the booze. Don't be surprised if he chooses the booze.

[QUOTE="supa_badman"]

Is this something you really should ask on video game forum?

LJS9502_basic

...aaaannnd he just walked out on us. Packed his bags and left. I'm not really too upset about it but my mom is crying on and off now. :( At least I tried to stop it. My concious is at rest. Don't know how we can afford to keep this house on our own, but at least he's got nothing.

My great grandfather was an alchoholic and nearly beat my grandpa to death. You know what my grandpa did? He ran away and joined the Army.

You can join the Army at 17 with your mother's permission. (I swear im not a recruiter :P )

If life gets too tough for you at home, that's always an option.

...aaaannnd he just walked out on us. Packed his bags and left. I'm not really too upset about it but my mom is crying on and off now. :( At least I tried to stop it. My concious is at rest. Don't know how we can afford to keep this house on our own, but at least he's got nothing.

brickdoctor

My great grandfather was an alchoholic and nearly beat my grandpa to death. You know what my grandpa did? He ran away and joined the Army.

You can join the Army at 17 with your mother's permission. (I swear im not a recruiter :P )

If life gets too tough for you at home, that's always an option.

TheHighWind

I was considering the military anyways. :P Not until I finish High School though.

...aaaannnd he just walked out on us. Packed his bags and left. I'm not really too upset about it but my mom is crying on and off now. :( At least I tried to stop it. My concious is at rest. Don't know how we can afford to keep this house on our own, but at least he's got nothing.brickdoctor

Get him on some rehab program. If he isn't willing to accept his anger issues, get out of there before he tries to take it out on everyone around him.

You and your mom should either move out or kick him out. Maybe if he gets help at some point in the future, and stays sober for a good long time, think about giving him another chance.

Looks like you're unofficially the man of the house now. Be there for your mom, ask her if she needs anything, do some chores in the mean time. If you have any idea where your dad is going, or who he's going to, I'd try to get in contact with them and tell them he needs help with his alcoholism without getting into all the details. It's all easier said than done, but it's just my opinion of what you can do in the situation and would like to imagine I had done if I wasn't so young when my dad left my family.

One thing youcan do is to try and get your Ma to calm down and help her understand that his leaving is better for the both of you. His alcoholism will only degrade and worse would happen if he stayed. He may have gotten physical. Heck, he still may. It would be nothing to come back home and kick in the door and attack either of you in a drunken stupor.

[QUOTE="supa_badman"]

Is this something you really should ask on video game forum?

LJS9502_basic

I went throught a similar situation only at the beggining of the year, and now my parents are divorced. All I can suggest is that you and whoever else is in your family be there for eachother, and counsoling doesn't hurt either. somethings just happen, it's not your fault but it's just the way things are, and you're not alone with 2 of every 3 marraiges ending in separation or divorce.

I wish you only the best my friend.

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"][QUOTE="supa_badman"]

Is this something you really should ask on video game forum?

supa_badman

I can read, but his father's and his family's problem really should not be showcased on a public forum, considering most people would keep it private, but I guess that's just me. >__>supa_badman

Cause really, if this site can hardly give girl advice, how can the site give advice for dealing with a father's alcoholism? You can't make that jump.

There are many qualified people he could probably talk to, but I wouldn't bet money on here.

Cause really, if this site can hardly give girl advice, how can the site give advice for dealing with a father's alcoholism? You can't make that jump.

There are many qualified people he could probably talk to, but I wouldn't bet money on here.

supa_badman

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"][QUOTE="supa_badman"]

Is this something you really should ask on video game forum?

supa_badman

Cause really, if this site can hardly give girl advice, how can the site give advice for dealing with a father's alcoholism? You can't make that jump.

There are many qualified people he could probably talk to, but I wouldn't bet money on here.

supa_badman

Alcohol, the number one maker and destroyer of families. Just try to get him away from alcohol, rehab could help too.

My parents just divorced recently... Alcoholism in the house is not good- and he either needs to ditch it, or things will never get any better. But this is really between Him/the bottle/Mom. I feel for you man, it doesn't feel good coming from a broken home, and I hope it works out for you.

You should tell your mom to change the locks on the door that way he won't come back and try to raid the house of any values he feels entitled to. For now, you should just be there for your mom since now she'll pretty much be a single parent if your dad is gone for good.

You should tell your mom to change the locks on the door that way he won't come back and try to raid the house of any values he feels entitled to. For now, you should just be there for your mom since now she'll pretty much be a single parent if your dad is gone for good.

soulless4now