How to Approach a Girl for Dummies

Alright... first off I highly recommend everyone buy the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie. These might be the only self-help books I will ever recommend. It is recommended reading for anyone in Marketing and Sales as well and I have used all the stuff in the book in my modules and I am summarizing most of it here as well.

Also, many of the things I will say will sound like common sense and DUH. But as I said, reading and knowing are different from actually exercising what you read and learn. So take whatever I have to say in.

Self Confidence

Many people confuse self confidence with being conceited. To be perfectly honest - they are one and the same thing, but one is fueled by the idea "I AM BETTER THAN YOU" and the other by "I AM WHAT I AM". Gaining self confidence is not an overnight thing and there are a few things that need to happen in order to acheive it.

1. YOU ARE UNIQUE. Self explanatory.

2.YOU ARE IMPORTANT. You matter and your opinions matter, just as much as the person next to you, the president of the United States or ANYONE ELSE.

3. YOU ARE NOT PERFECT - no one is. Accept that you can make mistakes. Accept the fact that not everyone will like you. Accept rejection - you cannot please everyone as everyone can not please you. And that it is okay if they dont because you wont. For every person who doesnt like you - you will have someone who does. Many people who lack self confidence can not get passed this. They fear so many things that HAVE NOT HAPPEND. They waste countless hours thinking of what ifs, what nots, and couldhavebeens.

3. KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES - keep a list if you have to. Some people are not aware of their strengths and weaknesses. I HIGHLY recommend asking people around you what they think your S/W are. You'd be surprised at some of the answers. It can be as deep or as shallow as you want. Knowing this will help you focus on something positive and help you improve the negative.

4. LOVE YOURSELF - If you did #3 - then it is impossible to not do #4. Energy transfers. Everyone can find something about themselves they love and once you know what you love about you it is easier to share it with others.

GETTING PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU (aka how to be a good social butterfly)

Self confidence builds as well when this is done right. Its really simple things - common sense, again as I said. But easier said than done.

1.SMILE - a real geniune smile. Smiles are contageous. Pass it on.

2. A PERSON's NAME IS IMPORTANT- That is the sweetest word to someone else's ear. Their name, in a positive light.

3. MAKE A PERSON FEEL IMPORTANT - When you interact with others, making them feel important is the best way to win them over. Lets face it, a person loves to talk about themselves. Encourage it! Be interested in them. Be interested in what they have to say. This ties in with #2 of self confidence - if you build someone else's self confidence - they will only think highly of you which will help yours. It goes both ways! Do your research on someone you meet or are about to meet (its so easy nowadays with stalker friendly internet information available) and educate yourself on things that INTEREST THEM! (This is also a wonderful way to keep conversation going). *please note: Yes, what we are trying to achieve here is to get the person to talk about themselves - but this does not mean that you LET them do all the talking. A conversation is a two way street - that is why I am saying educate yourself because you will actually be able to bounce back geniune feedback!

4. DONT CRITICIZE BUT PRAISE - People make mistakes (as mentioned) but instead of cricizing, guide them to the right path. Praise them for their efforts, and sympathize with what they are going through when they make mistakes - since you have and will make one too.

Now you're all asking yourself WHAT ABOUT ME?! WHEN DO I GET TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF?! - because we are important too right? Well, in a perfect world, both people would have the same mentality then it would be super easy to maintain this relationship. But right now, what we are going for is this - if you invest time in getting to know a person and centering your focus on them when you meet them, they will like you. And when they like you, they would want to be around you more and they would want to get to know you as well.

A person with a positive impression of you will most likely:

1. Go along with your way of thinking

2. Make a friend of you for life

====================================

Sorry if that didnt make sense. I might edit it more when I am not as brain dead. But this is the jist of my module for my sorority. We do this every recruitment period. The concept is "WE WANT THEM TO WANT US". Which works fabulously for anything.

And yes, I know a lot of your guys goal is to NOT be in the friend stage with the girl. But to be perfectly honest on that note - if you guys focus on that too much, you mess up and get stuck there anyway. Just let the ball roll. Feel things out and do what you gotta do in a given situation. And yes, girls dig the self confidence and the being liked by others. Its very attractive.

Sajedene

Thanks for taking the time to write that up! I inlcuded it in the original post. :D

This got stickied. :O

Nice job the_foreign_guy. My likey all information.

Letting girls approach you = easier than all that.

Well, that and flirt.

Only in OT would they sticky a girl thread.:roll:Godly_Cure

Dude, these people need help.

Posters are people too :o

[QUOTE="Godly_Cure"]Only in OT would they sticky a girl thread.:roll:Jandurin

Dude, these people need help.

Posters are people too :o

Then they should go to a place that can actually help.

Then they should go to a place that can actually help. Godly_Cure

I hear church was a good place to meet people as a youngin. I always just used school and friends.

This thread is temporarily sticky. How long will the glue hold? None can say with certitude. Elraptor

[QUOTE="Godly_Cure"]Then they should go to a place that can actually help. Jandurin

I hear church was a good place to meet people as a youngin. I always just used school and friends.

Church? No. But at least somewhere where the majority of people have actually talked to a girl.

Church? No. But at least somewhere where the majority of people have actually talked to a girl.Godly_Cure

[QUOTE="Godly_Cure"]Church? No. But at least somewhere where the majority of people have actually talked to a girl.Jandurin

No. This thread doesn't cover any new ground nor will it give some courage to talk to a girl if they are shy.

No. This thread doesn't cover any new ground nor will it give some courage to talk to a girl if they are shy.Godly_Cure

The point of this thread is so that people won't ask advice several times a day and get exactly the same responses that have all been condensed into a single OP.

[QUOTE="Godly_Cure"] No. This thread doesn't cover any new ground nor will it give some courage to talk to a girl if they are shy.Jandurin

The point of this thread is so that people won't ask advice several times a day and get exactly the same responses that have all been condensed into a single OP.

So we should just have more religion and rock vs rap threads then.:|

So we should just have more religion and rock vs rap threads then.:|Godly_Cure

[QUOTE="Godly_Cure"]So we should just have more religion and rock vs rap threads then.:|Jandurin

Obviously. Usually I find the girl threads funny.

Obviously. Usually I find the girl threads funny.Godly_Cure

Fair enough.

How would this stop specific girl problem threads? It's only about one aspect.-Wicked_Sick-

It's the most constant recurring problem.Jandurin

Not really. They're mostly about relationships not starting them.

Not really. They're mostly about relationships not starting them.Quick-Time

[QUOTE="Jandurin"] It's the most constant recurring problem.Quick-Time

Not really. They're mostly about relationships not starting them.

You see no starting relationship threads on Gamespot? :o I did my job.

This thread saved my relationship! The internet works! :o

Now seriously, nice thread :D

You see no starting relationship threads on Gamespot? :o I did my job.

the_foreign_guy

[QUOTE="the_foreign_guy"]

You see no starting relationship threads on Gamespot? :o I did my job.

horgen123

He speaks the truth.....:P

[QUOTE="horgen123"][QUOTE="the_foreign_guy"]

You see no starting relationship threads on Gamespot? :o I did my job.

LJS9502_basic

He speaks the truth.....:P

Dos this mean that we can now report 'omgz what do I do with this girl??!!!1!' ? Theres so many of them, and they say mostly the same thing. Im glad this thread was made so people can help eachother in the one place.RE4WiiGirl

No one reads stickied threads. When they want to discuss something...they make a thread. Actually other than RC I find stickied threads a bit on the pointless side. Would you know if someone starting a specific discsussion in this thread and wanted advice on it? Nope...and no one wants to go looking for it either.

[QUOTE="RE4WiiGirl"]Dos this mean that we can now report 'omgz what do I do with this girl??!!!1!' ? Theres so many of them, and they say mostly the same thing. Im glad this thread was made so people can help eachother in the one place.LJS9502_basic

No one reads stickied threads. When they want to discuss something...they make a thread. Actually other than RC I find stickied threads a bit on the pointless side. Would you know if someone starting a specific discsussion in this thread and wanted advice on it? Nope...and no one wants to go looking for it either.

I know people ignore stickies, have you been in the Wii forum lately, plagued with ssbb threads when it has its own bloody sticky lol. But still, I saw it, if I had some girl stuff to whinge about, well if I were male.. I would come here yes.RE4WiiGirl

What I meant was if someone has a specific question/problem...the last place it would get noticed is in a sticky.

Thanks, The Foreign Guy, you're a life saver. But I think your advice worked a bit too well and now I have three girls at once.. Woe is me. :(

Hm, maybe I should dump the ladies and take up an additional course in English. :P

Can't believe this actually got stickied. :o Now where's the thread for "How to approach a boy" :twisted:MissRiotmaker

use the same strategies

???

profit!

[QUOTE="Video_Game_King"][

Reputation can be everything. Reputation can prevent you from getting a job. Any way to get around that?

You wish to know why I look at the negative? Not this "world's a bad place" crap, but rather the "it will crush you horribly if you think things are getting better" crap. If you develop any self confidence, any joy or benefit whatsoever, everyone around you will do what they can to stomp it into the ground and make sure your life is Hell. And if I were to even try, it'd backfire horribly and destroy me. Fire Emblem 4 (don't say "video games can't deliver meaningful messages", lest you wish to destroy your credibilty).

But once you earn that, its immediately going to be taken away from you, usually given to some a-hole who doesn't deserve it and will abuse it horribly.

Sajedene

Negativity begets negativity.

How can anyone function and progress with thinking like that?

To me, that is just plain fear. Life is risky. You are taking risks as soon as you were conceived. But to just expect the world to be against you not only fuels people to step on you - since you've obviously given up, but it also means that you are just one more person who just takes it.

Yes reputation can be everything - but you can change reputation EASY. Just like how you can change other people around you.

Now I feel motivated to type my module up. lol. Should I just type it in this thread?

Positivity also begets negativity. You can't really escape negativity. And I have found a way to function like this. And the world is essentially against me. I've seen it, I know it. And trying to take a stand is even worse, as that ends in Stalin-esque degradation that gets me farther away from the goal than if I were to merely take it. And changing reputation is hard, as is changing those around you. I cannot manipulate, and the majority of people cannot.

I cannot manipulate, and the majority of people cannot. Video_Game_King

...For every person who doesnt like you - you will have someone who does. ...

Sajedene

To address this (personally), I have no friends and many enemies. This is not paranoia, I know who likes me and who doesn't like me.

[QUOTE="Video_Game_King"]I cannot manipulate, and the majority of people cannot. Jandurin

Yes, I cannot manipulate people, or at least not the way I want to. If I ever dare try, it backfires and destroys me big-time.

Yes, I cannot manipulate people, or at least not the way I want to. If I ever dare try, it backfires and destroys me big-time.Video_Game_King

Though, all communication is somewhat based on manipulation.

[QUOTE="Video_Game_King"]Yes, I cannot manipulate people, or at least not the way I want to. If I ever dare try, it backfires and destroys me big-time.Jandurin

Though, all communication is somewhat based on manipulation.

Manipulation is good, but I'm rather horrible at it. We're complete opposites.

But not to the extent you're implying.

Manipulation is good, but I'm rather horrible at it. We're complete opposites.

But not to the extent you're implying.Video_Game_King

True.

There was a time when these kind of topics were a joke and someone made fun of me! Ok ok I'm so cool about it now!

I don't think people should be told about what to do especially in this kind of situation because there will come a time when you can't get an advice and you have to manage on your own.