Gaming and loneliness.

I have been gaming for 30 years (35 now). Although, I have been lonely for most of my life, I dont think that gaming caused it.

However, there are people who think that playing games could cause loneliness.

What do you think?

It can if you use gaming as an excuse not to interact with people and/or as an outlet to forget/ignore your loneliness.

I'm a loner by choice I don't think games caused my loneliness but experience with annoying bad people over the years in general has made me despise the human race for the most part. I don't hate all people I'm just to tired to put up with their drama anymore I got enough problems of my own. I don't know how people can have kids and stay sane.

@warmblur: I tried dating women. But no success. I invested 3 years into PUA and 1 year online dating. Got nothing.

I guess I will be rotting alone, so why not to enjoy it at least?

How old are you? why did you have bad experience with people?

I'm in my late 30's as for my experience with people bad luck I guess I tried to be the nice guy but I was surrounded by mostly assholes and backstabbers. I feel almost nihilist at this point I'm just tired and burned out and I don't even care anymore I pretty much excepted I'll be alone forever. Even my therapist that I trusted for many years backstabbed me to the point where the FBI came to my house because my shrink was creating fake appointments that I never went to. To scam the insurance company so he could get more money he would write fake shit about me and say that I wasn't trying to get better I wouldn't lie that hurt I was going there for years just another fake asshole he was.

Online dating is horrible. It's for people who are already very desirable. A small pool of men get all the hits and the female users can very easily filter out anyone whose information they don't like. I tried both the dating and hookup ones. Total waste of time. I also tried a gay hookup one and had someone in my bed within like two days. I was getting so many hits. Shows you how ridiculously lopsided the sexes and expectations are. I've had one (brief) sexual partner and don't see myself being with someone again.

So my feeling is that it isn't gaming that causes loneliness, and gaming can be a fun past time that also makes you feel better.

But over-gaming, spending too much time on video games when you could dedicate free time to going out into nature, meeting people or spending time with others, can be severely detrimental.

Thinking about a few upcoming games this year, I am really looking forward to them. I am still excited about gaming, and possibly even buying a new gaming system later on. But I can only devote my gaming time to so many games. And gaming will not solve my ongoing problems with other people.

Eeeww.

Just finished a 15 hour gaming sessions of battlefield bad company 2. Quite tired of video games so I uninstalled every game that I had.

I am not sure if to go back to playing video games.. nothing appeals to me currently..

Truthfully, I wouldnt replace video games with any type of friends. You are right that being surrounded by any type of friends may not be good for you. People think if you are not married and dont have friends, then you are a sad person. But I always thought that it isnt true. Having stupid people around you, drains the energy from you and makes you more miserable than you were before. Why do people think that being married to a any woman is better than not being married ? Honestly, I dont think that I will ever meet my soulmate. I also stopped talking to my family 2 years ago. Why should I feel imposed to communicate with them, if I dont want to. Bringing me to this was world was probably one of their most selfish deeds.

It is nice to be able to express how you feel without being frowned on for having non-mainstream views which are deviant. The cowardice and neurotic society that we live in, cant call spade a spade so it has to create lies and also impose them on others. Same was done regarding video games. Society doesnt want video games to be beneficial for the individual and even promote positive mental health, so it created a social construct that categorizes video games as mostly violent or/and waste of time. I have finished gaming (I think) after 30 years and I dont feel more violent and have no regrets for putting all those hours into playing video games.

Life is like the game "Doom Eternal". You are being outnumbered by monsters and no matter how you work on yourself, there are too many of them to defeat. The only main differences are that you dont get to respawn, it isnt your world and you are not supposed to win.

I think I'd be better off in life in general if I didn't game so much.

I see gaming as being more of a distraction than anything else. Does it cause me to feel lonely? No. But if I allow myself to play too much I guess I can see myself becoming isolated...not necessarily feeling lonely though.

I could see gaming as more of a pastime for people who are already lonely (for one reason or another) rather than it being the cause of said isolation. Unless it ends up being an addiction that someone can't escape from.

Personally, I enjoy solitude and gaming is a great outlet to spend my much desired alone time. Contrary to that, it also allows me to spend more time with friends than I would/could otherwise as it can be a social activity as well. I play online multiplayer games with friends most days of the week. Heck I think I'm having more fun when grouping up with friends on a game rather than meeting them in person lol.

I used to be a social gamer when I was a young teen. I used to play fight games (soul caliber, teken, mortal combat games), horror games (Resident Evil 1) and adventure games (Crash Bandicot).

It is much better than going with friends to the bar.

@ghostrecon2020: Hey, I am really sorry to hear that you are lonely, but it sounds to me you do play games too much. A 15-hour session of Battlefield is far too much!

If you feel lonely, why not go out with some of your co-workers after work, talk about Trump! That usually gets everyone's attention.

How about doing some volunteer work on the weekends, you will definitely meet some truly amazing people! You obviously have some spare time, so it will be good to give something back to your community.

Why not enrol in a course? Bump up your excel skills, learn a new language, you might find it addictive and start enrolling in all sorts of courses. This way you will meet many new people that share a common interest.

Or you can even take up course in Art or even Dancing classes. My daughter goes dancing twice a week and I find that she has a deeper friendship with her fellow dancing friends than her school friends.

Not only will you meet new people, learn new skills, you can even put it all on your CV!

You can obviously maintain your gaming hobby, but treat it as a hobby rather than a priority.

I wish you good luck!

Lolz, I play on Saturdays only. Yeah, it is a lot.. I try to squeeze as many hours from that game as I can.

I must game once a week. I learnt with time that the harder you work during the week, the harder you need to rest. If you have all your days productive days, you burn out faster.

Thats because people are assholes that are not worth socializing with. I believe that you need to be selective about the people you hand out with. Random people may back stab you or just have a bad influence on you, or simply waste your time doing something productive (or simply playing Battlefield).

I am thinking, however, about volunteering. I am vegan, and thought to volunteer once a week to help the animals.

I will be coming back to practice BJJ.

Thanks for the volunteering advice. It got me thinking. Gaming isnt a hobby, it is a necessity.

I agree that gaming is a very good way to relax from all the working stress. And it doesn't matter if you play PC games or sport games like basket ball, soccer or whatever. In all types of games you can find other people to play with and socialize. But gaming shouldn't become an addiction because otherwise the work gets less attention and the money income could be in danger. Some people even play casino games with real money but I think that's a rather dangerous hobby.

@ghostrecon2020: Hey good luck! I am sure you'll be fine!

Enjoy the volunteer work, there are always fabulous people there!

I guess it can isolate you a lot if you're gaming heaps. I try to find a balance. I think volunteering would be a great idea.

I think I will pass on volunteering actually. It is time consuming and meaningless.

Finished another 10 hour game session this Saturday.

I am sick of playing any other video game than BFBC2.

I dont think that my life would have been better without video games.

I see gaming as just another coping mechanism, doesn't mean someone can enjoy it. Taking part in other worlds, taking fantastic roles as your own, it can indeed be very distracting.

The human mind is a puzzle, attributing loneliness to one thing (gaming) is false i think, a contributing factor to isolation, but not entirely.

Maybe try different things at home. Watching films (not the commercial ones), reading, exercise...

Gaming related, Death Stranding is very different, it has been my "chill and pacification ritual" since it came out. Already 190hrs still discovering and understanding tiny details in its core mechanics. A much more complex game than it might appear at first glance. Patience and observation.

For myself... gaming is the only way that I can deal with the loneliness...

I gamed heavily and still had friends, found love, had a family etc. Only issue is now with the family and work, I'm really struggling to find time to game sadly, but at the same time it's been pretty quite for a bit game release wise for me. Always seems like either I've got money for games but no time or I've got no money but plenty of time for games.

I remember this one time, on lunch break, I tried striking a conversation with a fellow employee manning his DS. He got pissy, wouldn't lift his eyes from the dual-screen. So I got entertained as I progressed our conversation. Asking more and more questions. You could practically see the steam rise off of that old chap!

I don't feel gaming causes loneliness at all, lonely people will have hobbies that they can do by themselves, gaming is one such hobby but I'm also sure there are plenty of lonely people who just sit and read/binge watch tv and movies all day as well.

Meeting people can be difficult and yes, some people can suck, but the key word there is some. Clearly some people on this thread have been burned before and have taken the negative things some have done and applied it to the entire human race. That is silly and won't get you anywhere. Relationships, be it friendships or love interests, are hard to find and maintain, but there are plenty of people out there, giving up while hiding in your house playing video games won't get you anywhere.

It may also help to be introspective. While it is easy to look at relationships and blame the other person for its failure what are you doing? Are there ways to improve yourself to make meeting and maintaning relationships easier? Surely, your actions have contributed to your loneliness in some way and working on your flaws is important to grow as a person and to foster healthy relationships.

I moved to take a job a few years ago and it was very difficult, I was 5 hours away from my family and friends and I was extremely lonely, and tbh I did wallow in self-pity for a while, eventually I knew that something had to change so I took steps to change it and I am now in a much happier place with a very active social life and a great job, I also still find time to game because that is very important to me.

Bottom line is don't get jaded and hate everyone, you just have to find your people, when you do it will be worth it. That won't be easy and along the way you may get burned a few more times but don't let that defeat you and force you into hiding.

To me personally, I think it is better if I game than if I didn't. If I get stressed out, other people don't help me as much as gaming for some peculiar reason. I used gaming as a escape method and it has worked out really for me.

I love video games and I consider myself to be very outgoing and fun. There is nothing wrong with taking some ME time and playing games. But you gotta get out of your bedroom and get perspective on the outside world. It's a balance.

I’ve been a gamer for most of my life. I’m 42 now and never did I ever feel lonely.

I’ve been a gamer for most of my life. I’m 42 now and never did I ever feel lonely.

You can be a social extrovert and still feel lonely, quantity of interactions with other people doesn't determine how you feel towards those people and they to you.

I'll quote Robin Williams here:

I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.

Feeling alone is something many people share and there is no guarantee that you will ever not feel this way, regardless of how many friends you acquire in life or partners you go through finding people you feel a mutual connection with is rare and never lasts forever.

I have always been social and have a family of my own, at times I still feel that no one ever really understands me or truly knows me.

You would be surprised how common this is, its no secret that most celebrities are fighting depression and feel alone now thanks to how connected we all are due to social media its more than evident that there is no guarantee that anything this life has to offer will ever truly fulfil you and make you feel complete or even content from success to fame to money to love to friends and family you can have it all and still feel completely and utterly alone.

Excuse how negative this may seem but its our reality as people that we cannot really escape, its why drinking and drug use is so common along with the rising suicide rates feeling alone is a very common human condition with no real cure.

feeling alone is like those once you see it meme's or the pills in the Matrix movie's... Once you feel truly alone no amount of anything will snap you out of it.

@Grey_Eyed_Elf: I agree with that sentiment. Another way to put it is "just because you're alone does not mean you need to feel lonely".

I'd like to think if I ever got my shit together, I'd probably be happy and alone. I only feel lonely because I am made to feel that way. At the same time, however, humans are social creatures. It's tough to determine where social pressure ends and my natural tendency to socialize begins.

-----------

As for the topic, Games are an easy scapegoat, but I don't think they're responsible for my loneliness. I blame depression, social anxiety, and extreme self-consciousness.

That's what a lot of people confuse like the TC... Being alone and feeling alone are two different things, I can not feel lonely because I have a family who I feel connected with but can be alone on the road for 2 weeks and the same rule applies the other way around you can be constantly surrounded by colleagues and family or even a partner who doesn't understand you and you will feel alone.

Its the same as depression and anxiety there is no real reason people feel it at times, you can be the most successful and loved person in the world and still be depressed.

We use gaming, alcohol, drugs, music, movies, relationships and even religion to mask the true and only fact that no one really knows anyone 100% which is the reason why people feel alone.

One thing my grandfather told me when I asked him why he kept working in his early 70's and he said the idea of being alone with his thoughts 24/7 without a structure or something to do would kill him.

Not only are we social creatures but without goals or structure we become self destructive, and that feeling that you are alone is always there you just use everything around you that you can to protect you from that dreadful feeling which usually goes along side "why are we here?"... "What is the point of everything?"... "What happens when we die?"... These question and lack of real answer is why I believe we all feel alone, love is probably the best mask for these questions and the feeling of being alone but I don't ever truly believe anyone of us don't feel alone.

I keep kind of coming back to this sad and blatant realization that most people are shallow and barely want to socialize or spend time together unless they have to.

A lot of people are crappy and I do want to get away from them when I can. Crowds and full parking lots induce paranoia and stress. I like my alone time too. But it's like even acquaintances seem to want to stay stuck on level 1 or 2, and not really move beyond that. Strangers stay strangers.

Smartphones, social media and online dating really didn't help. They just enabled people to put up walls and filter those they associate with.

I've lived alone now for four years, but I don't always feel lonely. I've actually being gaming less and less over the years, so I don't think gaming on its own has anything to do with loneliness. Gaming can actually be a very social activity if you make it that way. Some of my best gaming memories were with other people. In fact, one of the reasons why I think I've been gaming less is because playing single player games all the time is getting old and I'd like gaming to be more of a social experience to be shared with others.

I'm not lonely. I have friends IRL and a girlfriend that's also into gaming.

We have a lot of fun but we have both don't play video games as much which is a shame.

Yeah, and even more sometimes you need some alone time.

I deal with a lot of people every day. I like most of them a lot as well as the time we spend together. But it's also mentally draining in a way, and sitting down for a couple hours with a book or game can be recharging.

I am 34 years old and don't think videogames cause loneliness. It's loneliness if that's all you do is play videogames and do nothing else. I myself take a break from videogames and go to the movies with my family like my nephews so I am never lonely. I myself don't feel lonely but can relate to feeling lonely if you have no one to talk to and it's just you alone during your alone time.

That is true , PillarRock, I do feel lonely regardless of video games ;(