Funniest Joke You Know?

Whats your favourite joke?

Even under the new rules I'd still get modded.

I used to tell jokes. I still do but I used to too. mrmusicman247

Your mama is so ugly she made an onion cry

children in the dark cause accidents, accident in the dark cause children.

My favorite one recently:

A conservative, a moderate, and a liberal walk into a bar. The bartender says "Hey Mitt."

"Islam is the bomb". Not so much a joke, but depending on who you say it to, it can be a very offensive pun. Since I thought of it myself, I don't take offense to it. I'm the kind of guy who laughs at his own jokes. :D

Do you know how to make a plumber feel sad?

[spoiler] You kill his entire family. [/spoiler]

What do you call an Alligator in a vest?

AN INVESTIGATOR. 8)

Why do Asian girls have small boobs?

Their parents demand A's.

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "b*tch" and the women called the man a "bastard".

Their son walked in and said "What does b*tch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my ti*ties and the man said "feel my di*k".

Their son walked in and asked "What does ti*ties and di*k mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Sh*t" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, Fuk she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you b*tches and b*stards, put your di*ks and ti*ties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the sh*t off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fu*king the turkey!

004050

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "b*tch" and the women called the man a "bastard".

Their son walked in and said "What does b*tch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my ti*ties and the man said "feel my di*k".

Their son walked in and asked "What does ti*ties and di*k mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Sh*t" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, Fuk she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you b*tches and b*stards, put your di*ks and ti*ties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the sh*t off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fu*king the turkey!

004050

"Islam is the bomb". Not so much a joke, but depending on who you say it to, it can be a very offensive pun. Since I thought of it myself, I don't take offense to it. I'm the kind of guy who laughs at his own jokes. :D

dracula_16

Seriouz bizniz bizniz:lol:

[QUOTE="dracula_16"]

"Islam is the bomb". Not so much a joke, but depending on who you say it to, it can be a very offensive pun. Since I thought of it myself, I don't take offense to it. I'm the kind of guy who laughs at his own jokes. :D

raze-boi

If it's used as a pun while eating pork, by all means (I don't eat it, though).

Whats up?

The Roof.

Ba dum Tsh

See, there were these two guys in alunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!

My favorite one recently:

A conservative, a moderate, and a liberal walk into a bar. The bartender says "Hey Mitt."

chessmaster1989

[QUOTE="004050"]

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "b*tch" and the women called the man a "bastard".

Their son walked in and said "What does b*tch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my ti*ties and the man said "feel my di*k".

Their son walked in and asked "What does ti*ties and di*k mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Sh*t" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, Fuk she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you b*tches and b*stards, put your di*ks and ti*ties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the sh*t off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fu*king the turkey!

ChampionoChumps

Q: What was the last thing going through Mr. Jones' head when he was working on the World Trade Center's 90th floor?

A: The 91st floor.

Why do black people have nightmares?

cause we killed the only one with a dream.

:|

Oh my god, a lot of terrible jokes around here. Some are so bad that they're funny.

Oh my god, a lot of terrible jokes around here. Some are so bad that they're funny.

tjricardo089

And one so bad it shouldn't even have been posted...

Definitely more of a spontaneous joke teller, but I think I can top the last one so I'll go for it.

This is from back when it was still relevant to bash President Bush.

Secretary of State: Sir, I regret to inform you that we lost 3 Brazilian people fighting in Iraq yesterday.

The president drops his head into his hand, he comes close to tears as his posture in his seat worsens.

Secretary: I understand you're sad, but...

Bush: Remind me again, how many is a brazilian?

[QUOTE="004050"]

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "b*tch" and the women called the man a "bastard".

Their son walked in and said "What does b*tch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my ti*ties and the man said "feel my di*k".

Their son walked in and asked "What does ti*ties and di*k mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Sh*t" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, Fuk she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you b*tches and b*stards, put your di*ks and ti*ties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the sh*t off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fu*king the turkey!

Kevlar101

I'm not finding much funny here.

this is an old one..

So a seal walks into a club..