Do you have a hard time using pronouns online in the woke era?

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SaltSlasher

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#1 SaltSlasher
Member since 2015 • 1483 Posts

I notice what I say a lot more. At pawn shop, and talking about cutting cable, and mentioned I had fiber, and she said her friend worked for company who installed mine, and I just automatically assumed it was a man, and said something like "oh he does, neat". Of course if a woman, she didn't care to make it a big deal, but is wrong to assume only a man can work at fiber company, or stupid I didn't assume a girl's friend is a girl.

When online, its worst. People will talk about someone, like getting a new job at a game company, an auto-assumed it was a man. A ton of these scenarios happen, like when talking about anonymous people, all I can do is Spanish rules, where I go masculine.

I try to use different words like "dude". But if you're a girl, would you rather everyone just call you he, or another term like bro or should I avoid pro-nouns and use peoples names, even if multiple times in a sentence.

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foxhound_fox

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#2 foxhound_fox
Member since 2005 • 98532 Posts

No, because most people who care will tell you what they want to be called.

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Master_Live

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#3 Master_Live
Member since 2004 • 20307 Posts

Don't assume if you don't have to. Regarding the pronouns, I use binary pronouns unless the situation call for something else, I'm flexible.

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mikecrci

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#4 mikecrci
Member since 2017 • 50 Posts

Yes. It’s just basic common sense. Even before the “woke” era. When referring to technicians (traditionally male-dominated) or unspecified members of the military (at my own workplace), if I don’t know the person’s gender, I try not to refer to them with gender pronouns. And if I absolutely must, it’s always “he or she”.

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VagrantSnow

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#5 VagrantSnow
Member since 2018 • 469 Posts

No because rational people understand that you are not psychic.

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Serraph105

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#6 Serraph105
Member since 2007 • 34810 Posts

I will refer to people as what I think they are, i.e. he or she. If I get it wrong and they want to be referred to as a different gender I will apologize and refer to them as that gender from there on. This has only happened to me once thus far in life, but she was very understanding about it and we got along great thereafter.

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mrbojangles25

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#7 mrbojangles25
Member since 2005 • 47011 Posts

Yeah I am generally aware that I do assume certain things when referring to occupation, hobbies, and so forth. I am old enough that I come from a time where pretty much zero women played video games, so I am still surprised (pleasantly, mind you!) when I find out a woman plays video games. Apparently being joyous over the fact the opposite sex plays video games is sexist, sort of like how saying "all Asians are good at math" is racist despite being a positive. Fair enough.

*shrug*

I am trying, though, I definitely don't want to offend anyone, but it's really hard to give two shits when the other side of the argument is easily triggered. Meaningful change takes time, generations worth of time concerning social issues, and they're too greedy to have that change in their time to be as considerate to others as they want others to be to them. I don't mind being corrected "she" when I refer to someone as a "he" in a male-dominated workforce, but when they start forming conclusions on judgements on my character because of that, it's a dick move on their part.

@vagrantsnow said:

No because rational people understand that you are not psychic.

True enough, but the problem is most people are not rational.

My rule is to go by what their sex appears to be; if they want to claim a certain gender or gender fluid or what have you, that's fine, I just hope they are polite when correcting people. I'll call you "Zim" or "Trans-species Fox-person", whatever you like, if you're a good person.

@saltslasher said:

I try to use different words like "dude". But if you're a girl, would you rather everyone just call you he, or another term like bro or should I avoid pro-nouns and use peoples names, even if multiple times in a sentence.

I use "dude" too. As a Californian, dude is a pretty fluid word here that means a lot of things.

  • Dude! with a :) inflection is: being pleasantly surprised (for example, seeing a longtime friend for the first time in a while)
  • Duuuuuuuude: a drawn out, relaxed "dude" means satisfaction. Like "Duuuuuuuude this avocado toast is so good"
  • Dude: said in a curt, short manner, "dude" is used to express frustration. Like "Dude. WTF!?!"
  • Dude?, with a questionable tone: this is used when someone says something incorrect or outrageous, but you want to be kind of polite about it but still call them on their shit. For example, one friend might go "Hmm, maybe the Earth really is flat" and my response would be "Ummm, dude? No."

What bugs me is when I use "guys" as a collective, non-gender/sex designation, and people get pissed about it. For example, there's a group of ten people, 5 female and 5 male. I say "Hello how are you guys doing" and everyone responds but then some twerp has to go "Guys and girls, you mean?" and then I look like the asshole.

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deactivated-5ea0704839e9e

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#8 deactivated-5ea0704839e9e
Member since 2017 • 2335 Posts

Got to be proper. Ladies ladies ladies. ;)

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SOedipus

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#9 SOedipus
Member since 2006 • 12266 Posts

It depends.

I feel for that GameStop employee.

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nepu7supastar7

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#10 nepu7supastar7
Member since 2007 • 5887 Posts

@saltslasher:

I personally don't mind what people refer to me online. So I'd just correct them once and leave it at that. But when it comes to referring to other people, (especially for people I never met and they never stated their gender) I just use "they" pronouns. I've actually been using them before the Woke era started.

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deactivated-5ea0704839e9e

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#11 deactivated-5ea0704839e9e
Member since 2017 • 2335 Posts

What is the "woke" era?

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uninspiredcup

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#12 uninspiredcup
Member since 2013 • 39893 Posts

Call people whatever they want to be called.

Who cares?

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Gaming-Planet

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#13 Gaming-Planet
Member since 2008 • 20248 Posts

I like to referred to as m'lord.

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jun_aka_pekto

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#14  Edited By jun_aka_pekto
Member since 2010 • 25254 Posts

He, she, or it. Pick one of those. Otherwise, I'll point at you and say, "Hey you!"

The above are examples of pronouns. Now, if a person wants to be referred to with a particular noun? Say so. I'm not going to waste my time guessing.

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pyro1245

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#15 pyro1245
Member since 2003 • 6333 Posts

Not at all.

If a person wishes to be referred to as a specific pronoun I expect them to tell me.

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BaelNergal

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#16  Edited By BaelNergal
Member since 2019 • 570 Posts

Tell me if you wish to be called a particular pronoun. I'm not a mind reader. And even if I was, I would be too busy trying not to hear every stray thought in your head to learn what pronouns you prefer.

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MirkoS77

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#17  Edited By MirkoS77
Member since 2011 • 15352 Posts

Who really cares.

I’ll say what I will. If it’s that important to them, they can correct me and I’ll excuse myself in alteration. If they still make an issue of it such as lecturing me I’ll tell them to get bent and that they really should re-evaluate their priorities in life.

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SaltSlasher

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#18 SaltSlasher
Member since 2015 • 1483 Posts

@heirren: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjxJOLQg47k

This is basically what I'm talking about. You don't treat weirdos as freaks anymore, and they all want equal respect across the board. Just saying, growing up in 90s using term gay for anything lame, we didn't make fun of queers like our parents did, but certainly didn't find anything offensive in my life, til last 3-4 years where everything is now offensive. In past, society would have shunned Kim Kardashian's mom-dad, but what feels empty gestures, they celebrated shim. In cases like Caitlyn, do I refer to him as a she now, or keep using terms like shim, and sheman. And if I met that person, do I say Sir or Mam.

To me, I've just felt going masculine in unknown situations is the way to go.

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warmblur

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#19 warmblur
Member since 2017 • 5285 Posts

Pile of flesh works well.

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HoolaHoopMan

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#20 HoolaHoopMan
Member since 2009 • 11326 Posts

I haven't. If someone feels strongly about it I'd apologize and correct myself. I don't think it's unreasonable to use he/she/them etc., and not have to ask people before hand.

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#21 comp_atkins
Member since 2005 • 36472 Posts
@foxhound_fox said:

No, because most people who care will tell you what they want to be called.

yup. i've never had this problem in my life.