At what age ideally would you realistically want to begin to take care of your parents?

We all get older, and I really think about what it would take for me to move back to my home state. And honestly it would be to take care of my mom.

Just with everything, I don’t see that Bering something to really consider seriously for atleast the next 10 years or so but I do consider it.

What about all of you? At what age would you(if you even consider doing it) take care of both or one of your parents.

I think when my moms in her 70s and I’m in my 40s it’s definitely probably time to consider moving closer to home for example.

Ever since I started working. My parents don't speak good English, so it's just me and sometimes my sister helping our parents out. It's annoying at times, but it is what it is.

I’m 45 and live with my folks. My mother has moderate dementia (she still has long-term memory and knows who we are but her short-term memory is effectively non-existent).

I‘m chronically ill myself, so we’re a bit of a communal care family. Take care of each other, but dementia is something you absolutely need professional help with in the latter stages. She’s getting there, so her and my dad are moving into a care facility come May. Probably for the best, as witnessing dementia gut a person’s soul and vibrance you care for is incredibly hard to deal with.

As for what age is a good one, I think that’s very subjective to each individual’s circumstance. I know people older than my parents (70) who are in much better shape and independent, and I know people younger who are in worse shape. All depends. Though I have to say, if I had the financial means, I would put my parents up in the best place I could find, as they need far more than I can provide them, and I need the distance for my emotional and psychological well-being.

My mom passed years ago now and my biological father is an irredeemable christofascist. So I do not have this particular problem to think about. I definitely would have taken care of Mom had she reached old age.

All my family are dead.

It's up to me to pass the seed. And it's not going well.

There is no ideal anything about having to take care of your parents. Other than the comfort that you can give to let them know they are in your hands until the end.

Never.

I don't speak with my biological mother and stepfather.

My Dad and Stepmother are in their late 60s and just recently purchased a home and 40 acres of property. My Dad has 3 retirement incomes and my Stepmother has 2. They have plenty of money to take care of themselves.

My Dad once told me, "I didn't bring you into this world to give up your dreams and take care of me". And so I will not uproot my wife and son to take care of my parents.

It's not so much about age but about their health.

As for me, i don't take care of them yet, but know i will have to soon.

I am praying for them to stay healthy.

Neither my mom or dad have serious health issues at the moment. My dad is barking at 60 this year and mom 56. For their age, they're doing reasonably well. I can only guess that around their 70's or 80's would be where I would start to worry. Not sure if I would take care of them though....

Went back to live with my folk. They getting older and my dad just retired and bought a field to keep him busy so I guess I am there to keep an eye out. I still work 9 to 5 job but I am thinking of applying for remote work so I can be closer to family.

My parents have been married for 39 years, my dad passed away 6 years ago and my mom is in her early 60s. She works at home, is still very healthy, and drives around when she needs to. I have 3 sisters and I'm the only boy in the family, my two older sis live in their own house, and my youngest sis is still living with my mother and doesn't want to move out, so technically, my mom is never alone and it really helps that my youngest sis helps out so no need to worry just yet.

There is a considerable amount of variables that one has to take into consideration when thinking about the idea of taking care of one’s parents. With that said, I will assume that we’re talking about adults here who do actually care for their family.

One thing to consider is if your parents are prideful. My dad is very prideful. He has my two younger siblings living with him, both of whom are almost in their mid twenties. Neither can hold down a job, both are rude to him verbally (according to the older brother), yet he refuses to do anything about it. He is probably homeless at this point as my sister told me his living situation was coming to an end. There’s the pride. He didn’t tell me or my older brother this information, it had to come through our sister. What does he do? Pays all the bills for my siblings and himself; car payments, card fees, phone bills, etc. So what do I do? I live in a place really only fit for one person, but I offer him a place to stay with the stipulation that my two younger brothers cannot know where I live. He says okay. Haven’t heard anything from him since and it’s been over two weeks.

The sad thing is that my dad has a rare disease that comes from the Portuguese side of the family. You think this would humble him? Nope. He still doesn’t want any help. He hates it when we mention anything about helping him, citing that his disease doesn’t handicap him, though it does, and though that’s not the reason why we want to help him. He doesn’t tell us anything truthfully, it’s always a facade. The disease has affected him greatly. It’s a very debilitating ailment.

To get to the point: I would say that once your parents aren’t able to be self sufficient, then that’s probably the best time to come in and help them. Though my dad will probably go to the grave without help.

About 7 years (when I'm 40).

Never.

I know it might sound cruel but I don't think children should be burdened with taking care of their parents. I know at least a few people around my age that are having to help out their parents because they either didn't plan for their retirement or couldn't afford to. Their parents also didn't take care of themselves physically and are also experiencing physical problem, requiring surgery and physical therapy. One also got screwed out of their retirement because her husband died before qualifying for pension or something (it was a bad deal, to say the least).

Realistically, though, to answer the question, I don't think I will have to take care of them. They both had government jobs, both have good pensions and benefits, and are currently planning on going into some form of eldercare before they actually need it. They'll need help with the house and getting rid of 50 years of crap they've accumulated, but that's likely about it.

already told my mother. i am not going to take care of her.

i got stuck taking care of my gram.

@MirkoS77: Damn, that really gives it perspective. Yeah I think care facilities get a bad rap, it’s very daunting to care for someone at end of life for most people.

My parents are in their mid-80s. They mostly take care of themselves. My sister and I relocated them to the city we are in a few years ago. We found them a nice apartment in a very good location where pretty much everything they need is within a few blocks. The most important things like grocery store, drug store, and coffee shop, are all literally on the ground floor of their building.

My mom still drives a bit and the mall, doctor, and dentist are all within 5 mins. I talk to them a few times a week and I visit them in person at least once a week. My sister talks and visits about the same. I usually get my wife and daughter to come with me once every 2-3 weeks. Seeing their grandaughter is probably more important than seeing either my sister or me :)

I do drive my mom to some things at times because she is not that familiar with the city and isn't confident except in her immediate area. She is in good physical and mental shape. My dad is frail and has moderate dementia. Eventually we will have to bring in help for my mom. Sometimes when I visit she will go the the mall, etc. while I stay with my dad...or I will take him on a outing to the military museum as his long term memory is still very good and his service was a cornerstone of his life.

I am now retired. I could spend more time with them but we all feel that it is important for them to be as independent as they can be for as long as that is possible.

The direct answer is never. You hope they never need looking after. More importantly, THEY hope you never need to look after them. Of course that isn't the reality of life, sadly.

On a related note, I retired early compared to the norm. When you get close remember this advice: every year you can retire early is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

Hopefully never, my mum passed away 13 years ago ( FU cancer!) and my dad has a nice pension and shouldn’t need any aid from me in that regards! Also I live in Denmark and we have decent enough care for the elderly!

Yeah. I hope this care facility is capable, it appears nice. First time for all of us, so it’s a learning experience.

My dad had a stroke when he was in his 40's and ever since then he's been in the hospital for Pneumonia and almost died from it about 8 years ago. He's 74 years old and near dying cause he's on Dialysis and his heart is weak and he needs help for everything. My mom is in her 60's and active though I can't imagine her being like my dad as she takes good care of herself like exercising and taking her meds for Diabetes. I honestly never thought I would take care of my dad in my 20's and 30's and now that I am near my 40's, I just gotten used to it as I live with my parents ever since 2004. My brother is younger though he has his own life and lives across time though comes over when he has time as he works and has his children who are little and teenagers.

@pillarrocks: How do you feel caring for your father the last few decades has impacted you socially/professionally?

Looks like you and your brother are living different lives.

@Mercenary848:

Me I am not a social person though for most part after he had the stroke and pneumonia, our family just stayed home except for doctor appointments and shopping. Professional I had to just stay with my dad as he is blind in one eye and loses his balance and stop working. My brother does live his own life and doesn't have time for us sadly. Though I don't really blame him as when my dad had the stroke, my brother wanted to be with his friends going to concerts in his 20's and enjoying life with no worries. I never got to do half the things he did like dating for example or getting married and having children. Don't really regret it as being antisocial I wouldn't be able to handle the stress.