Anyone else here struggle with depression? (No judging)

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#1 Posted by sanghelle56 (225 posts) -

I'm asking as I've been battling it since it became ample when I was 17.

One thing I've noticed is that people with this condition tend to more-so take note of reality / the world and what's wrong with it. Me, I get upset by thinking critically of this, stupid societal standards, and then some.

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#2 Edited by warmblur (3028 posts) -

Yes, I've been struggling with it for about 23 years it started in middle school and never got better if anything it has gotten worst since then. I also have a permanent physical health condition that really puts my depression into full gear but I don't want to talk about that. Right now I'm off and on SSRI's it kinda helps my serotonin it is definitely low. So when I take a Lexapro I feel it right away and I get some mild euphoria out of it. It's a nice relief but it's still no fix depression is the worst though I don't enjoy things as much as I use to and everything just feels fake. It's like I'm trying to enjoy something but I feel like I'm lying to myself that I'm enjoying it. I wish more people would take depression seriously some people think you can just get over it, if only it worked that way but it doesn't.

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#3 Posted by outworld222 (3014 posts) -

@sanghelle56: you said “the world and what’s wrong with it”. I’m in the same boat as you. I can’t/couldn’t stand all the BS going on in the world. There’s a lot that’s wrong. However, me being in my 30s, I’ve learn to adjust. We live in a time, where, unfortunately, there are wars, and poverty as a result of it. The good news is is that you get better at adjusting to the reality of the world as you age. That is one of the few benefits of aging I suppose.

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#4 Posted by iambatman7986 (2808 posts) -

Yes I do. I noticed I was getting really angry a lot. When I went to get help, I realized just how depressed and sad I actually was. My anger almost cost me my relationship with my wife and daughter. On top of my depression, it was discovered that my blood sugar will drop to the teens if I eat too many carbs or sugary foods due to overproducing insulin. This also contributed to my anger. I am now on a strict diet and take a medication to help with my depression and anxiety. It still flares up at times, but it is much more manageable now. It is tough when everyone is laughing at a joke and I just can't find it in myself to see the joy in the topic.

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#5 Posted by Volsung (324 posts) -

I've never been professionally diagnosed so I'm hesitant to say yes. My doctor once asked me if I felt like I was and I lied and told him no. I'm definitely extremely frustrated, disappointed, and fucking sad with how my life has turned out so far but that's been mainly due to my anxiety and procrastination. I imagine if I had a better job and a more positive social life I'd be feeling better about things.

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#6 Edited by MirkoS77 (14470 posts) -

@warmblur said:

Yes, I've been struggling with for about 23 years it started in middle school and never got better if anything it has gotten worst since then. I also have a permanent physical health condition that really puts my depression into full gear but I don't want to about that. Right now I'm off and on SSRI's it kinda helps my serotonin it is definitely low. So when I take a Lexapro I feel it right away and I get some mild euphoria out of it. It's a nice relief but it's still no fix depression is the worst though I don't enjoy things as much as I use to and everything just feels fake. It's like I'm trying to enjoy something but I feel like I'm lying to myself that I'm enjoying it. I wish more people would take depression seriously some people think you can just get over it, if only it worked that way but it doesn't.

You and I sound to have a lot in common, except it sounds like you have generalized depression and I have Bipolar II. I also have a chronic illness as well, which does nothing so well as to exacerbate an already incredibly difficult situation. It feeds into it, I hear ya.

I've tried SSRIs to begin with (my diagnosis at 15 was for general depression for which I was Rx'd Paxil/Prozac, it wasn't until my early twenties it was changed to Bipolar and then Depakote/Lamictal). That's weird you get a kind of high off of Lexapro, my meds are never tangible in their effects, they simply make me not suicidal and my thought process more stable, but the depression remains at the mercy of my Bipolar swings. But yea, trying to retain any interest in anything is a near impossible task. All I care about 90% of the time is sleeping, and I feel like it's my fault....like I'm just a boring person, unworthy, etc. Then I hit my Bipolar high, my perspective changes, the world is suddenly colorful and vibrant, and I'm interested in everything. Reading, movies, meeting people. I'm likable. Then I crash, and anything I built up during that time collapses, which causes my self-esteem to plummet into the gutter. I'm pessimistic, hateful, apathetic. I cannot make or retain relations. It's a living nightmare.

I tell you, alcohol is the only thing I can rely on at this point. It's the only thing that gives me a predictable, reliable bar I can operate upon, because Bipolar certainly doesn't. Alcohol also numbs, so as much as people tell me it makes the depression worse....so what? It's horrific anyway, I lived many years sober, what have I to lose? I'm sick and tired of the ups and downs, it's misery. **** depression, seriously.

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#7 Edited by Volsung (324 posts) -
@MirkoS77 said:

I tell you, alcohol is the only thing I can rely on at this point. It's the only thing that gives me a predictable, reliable bar I can operate upon, because Bipolar certainly doesn't. Alcohol also numbs, so as much as people tell me it makes the depression worse....so what? It's horrific anyway, I lived many years sober, what have I to lose? I'm sick and tired of the ups and downs, it's misery. **** depression, seriously.

I did an alcohol/THC binge over the labor day long weekend and it was followed by one of the lowest moods I think I've ever been stuck in. It was enough to make me question if I ever wanted to have either ever again. I feel a little bit better now but shit, I can't imagine what I'd be like using over the long term.

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#8 Edited by MirkoS77 (14470 posts) -

@volsung: drinking too much will bring deep periods, so I usually always have only enough to take the edge off and numb me up. One or two drinks. It's nothing compared to what depression brings, but still helps nonetheless.

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#9 Posted by DEVILinIRON (5003 posts) -

Almost all my life . But it's being treated and I feel much better.

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#10 Edited by livingdeadman (372 posts) -

I have theory that wearing bright colors like yellow or neutral or hybrid colors like purple, grey, and green make you happier than wearing dark colors. I also read online about this. Because it makes strangers happier and their happiness gets spread to you. Me, I wear neutral colors like purple, shades of grey, and silver, and I'm neither happy or sad, just neutral. Hope this helps.

I used to be sad throughout high school and as a young adult. I used to wear red, black, and dark colors.

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#11 Edited by watercrack445 (1843 posts) -

Yea, I have depression. Usually I don't like to talk about it. I had for, I think, 4 or 5 years. Right now, I'm doing better and want to get off my meds but I need proof of my well-being.

Usually, I have periods of good and bad days. Let's say, for example, I'm feeling good and ecstatic for one week and then boom, one week of feeling drowsy and tired. It's a cycle really.

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#12 Edited by warmblur (3028 posts) -

@MirkoS77 said:
@warmblur said:

Yes, I've been struggling with for about 23 years it started in middle school and never got better if anything it has gotten worst since then. I also have a permanent physical health condition that really puts my depression into full gear but I don't want to about that. Right now I'm off and on SSRI's it kinda helps my serotonin it is definitely low. So when I take a Lexapro I feel it right away and I get some mild euphoria out of it. It's a nice relief but it's still no fix depression is the worst though I don't enjoy things as much as I use to and everything just feels fake. It's like I'm trying to enjoy something but I feel like I'm lying to myself that I'm enjoying it. I wish more people would take depression seriously some people think you can just get over it, if only it worked that way but it doesn't.

You and I sound to have a lot in common, except it sounds like you have generalized depression and I have Bipolar II. I also have a chronic illness as well, which does nothing so well as to exacerbate an already incredibly difficult situation. It feeds into it, I hear ya.

I've tried SSRIs to begin with (my diagnosis at 15 was for general depression for which I was Rx'd Paxil/Prozac, it wasn't until my early twenties it was changed to Bipolar and then Depakote/Lamictal). That's weird you get a kind of high off of Lexapro, my meds are never tangible in their effects, they simply make me not suicidal and my thought process more stable, but the depression remains at the mercy of my Bipolar swings. But yea, trying to retain any interest in anything is a near impossible task. All I care about 90% of the time is sleeping, and I feel like it's my fault....like I'm just a boring person, unworthy, etc. Then I hit my Bipolar high, my perspective changes, the world is suddenly colorful and vibrant, and I'm interested in everything. Reading, movies, meeting people. I'm likable. Then I crash, and anything I built up during that time collapses, which causes my self-esteem to plummet into the gutter. I'm pessimistic, hateful, apathetic. I cannot make or retain relations. It's a living nightmare.

I tell you, alcohol is the only thing I can rely on at this point. It's the only thing that gives me a predictable, reliable bar I can operate upon, because Bipolar certainly doesn't. Alcohol also numbs, so as much as people tell me it makes the depression worse....so what? It's horrific anyway, I lived many years sober, what have I to lose? I'm sick and tired of the ups and downs, it's misery. **** depression, seriously.

I can imagine how bipolar can be so exhausting and it sucks that you have physical health issues too. I love sleeping also it's a great escape except when I have constant dreams it gets mentally exhausting. I'm not much of a drinker but I feel ya on just wanting to be numb. I've done alot of drugs in the past it got me through High School to be honest I hated that place with a passion.

The people I grew up with where all extroverts I have always been the complete opposite I just want to be left alone most of the time but that drives me crazy too. There's no winning with depressing it sucks I always day dream one day a miracle will happen and I'll be happy and healthy but I know it's BS the only hope is if I get hit by a car or get shot and die a quick death. I don't want to live old I'm in my late 30's and feel like I'm 70 I can't imagine another 10 or 20 years like this I'm basically just sticking around because I don't want to hurt my parents with my death. I came to except that I failed at this life and I just want out of this shit hole body that I'm in but for now I'm stuck here.

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#13 Posted by livingdeadman (372 posts) -

@warmblur: Sorry to hear about all that. I hope when Jesus Christ comes back, your day dream will come true and he will use his miracles to heal all of your ailments. Hope he heals all of you here, I will pray.

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#14 Posted by Speeny (1978 posts) -

I don't know if I can comment on this for myself because if I do get depressed, it's only on and off & can either last for a few hours or a day at max.

Either way, I hope that everybody suffering from depressing at some point can find peace again.

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#15 Posted by mrbojangles25 (44402 posts) -

Yep, was diagnosed about 12 years ago, but probably suffering my whole life when I look back.

What people don't understand about depression is it's not just "being sad" all the time. It's being constantly tired. It's often coupled with social anxiety. Small negative things that other people would brush off become devastating, while significant negative things are world ending.

@watercrack445 said:

Yea, I have depression. Usually I don't like to talk about it. I had for, I think, 4 or 5 years. Right now, I'm doing better and want to get off my meds but I need proof of my well-being.

Usually, I have periods of good and bad days. Let's say, for example, I'm feeling good and ecstatic for one week and then boom, one week of feeling drowsy and tired. It's a cycle really.

I'm torn on meds. Took them myself, but the problem is they want you to take more...and more...and more. It's like "Jesus, if it's not working, maybe let me get off the ones that don't work before switching to the other ones".

Gotta watch out for psychiatrist; most are helpful, but some are there to just sell you pills.

The meds did help, the problem was they might have helped too much. I'd drink and suddenly the things I was taking for social anxiety kicked in and I really couldn't control myself I'd just be this gregarious but annoying drunk when normally I was just my normal quiet self...except drunk.

Anyway I don't drink much any more and I don't take meds, which is funny b/c I should probably try the meds again as a sober person haha.

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#16 Posted by PernicioEnigma (6119 posts) -

Yeah, since I was about 17, and I'm 28 now. I started isolating myself in my late teens and I've never really bounced back since then. Now I'm stuck in a rut of craving friendships/romantic relationships yet feeling completely incapable of having them. People, especially women, seem to be repulsed by me, and I hate that I make them feel that way so I avoid them.

I was "diagnosed" with depression a few years back, but it's pretty laughable what's required to get that diagnosis. You can basically rock up to a doctor and say "I'm depressed" and they'll give you a prescription of anti-depressants (at least this was my experience). I should also note I've always been against the idea of taking anti-depressants, and although I've been prescribed them I've never taken them, I just can't.

I don't drink either. I know it's common for people to self medicate this way, but drinking doesn't give me the feeling of euphoria, I just feel like shit.

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#17 Posted by warmblur (3028 posts) -

@PernicioEnigma said:

Yeah, since I was about 17, and I'm 28 now. I started isolating myself in my late teens and I've never really bounced back since then. Now I'm stuck in a rut of craving friendships/romantic relationships yet feeling completely incapable of having them. People, especially women, seem to be repulsed by me, and I hate that I make them feel that way so I avoid them.

I was "diagnosed" with depression a few years back, but it's pretty laughable what's required to get that diagnosis. You can basically rock up to a doctor and say "I'm depressed" and they'll give you a prescription of anti-depressants (at least this was my experience). I should also note I've always been against the idea of taking anti-depressants, and although I've been prescribed them I've never taken them, I just can't.

I don't drink either. I know it's common for people to self medicate this way, but drinking doesn't give me the feeling of euphoria, I just feel like shit.

Yep, this basically happen to me I been out of society for so long I feel like it's impossible to feel somewhat normal again I isolated myself in my room did drugs and listen to music in my teen years. It was like I created a fake reality it was my escape from the world. I don't the blame drugs though they saved me in someways but I do blame depression for my self destructive tendencies and anxiety.