An article on a 26 year old virgin waiting for marriage

  • 68 results
  • 1
  • 2
Avatar image for Serraph105
#1 Edited by Serraph105 (32126 posts) -

So I found this article interesting to say the least. This woman is a 26 year old virgin who is waiting for marriage, and has found it fairly difficult to not only tell men that she is a virgin, but also waiting for marriage to change that.

I'm not sure exactly what my question is for this as "Do you guys agree with her?" seems to be overly simplistic for this discussion. As for me I see some interesting problems with her logic, specifically her stated belief that "love and sex are intertwined." I actually agree with this statement, but from personal experience I can confirm that love and marriage are not intertwined which says to me that Ellen Burkhardt (the author) is in fact separating love from sex. Furthermore I feel that the reason "no sex before marriage" was originally started as means to create a moral reason not to have children when people were young and stupid. When you become older and wiser (and thus able to handle children should a pregnancy arise) people become less worried about how you will handle it because you are now intelligent enough to make responsible decisions.

Anyway's what your reactions to this article?

http://www.salon.com/2014/10/06/when_guys_find_out_im_a_virgin/

Avatar image for LostProphetFLCL
#2 Posted by LostProphetFLCL (18526 posts) -

I remember being naive enough to think that waiting for marriage to have sex was a good idea.

Then I grew up and realized how incredibly STUPID that idea is considering it is HUGELY important to be sexually compatible with your partner and waiting till after you are married to figure that out is incredibly fucking stupid...

Avatar image for Serraph105
#3 Posted by Serraph105 (32126 posts) -

I would also point out that this author seems to be of the belief that once you have sex (or I guess when a women has sex) that you lose some of your worth or value to the people that you fall in love with in the future. I wholeheartedly disagree with this notion, and if this is the case perhaps you should rethink this relationship.

This isn't stated directly in the article mind you it's just a sense that I get from reading it.

Avatar image for i_return
#4 Posted by I_Return (873 posts) -

Well, the fact that she's ashamed to tell people that she's a virgin made me laugh. I mean what's wrong with being a virgin? is it a crime? or something that you should be ashamed of?

Avatar image for korvus
#5 Posted by korvus (10999 posts) -

I was a virgin until the age of 26 as well because I wanted my first time to be with someone I was in love with; not because I thought I couldn't do it otherwise but it was a personal choice. Throughout the years I had several people I was fond of who expressed interest in having sex with me but I didn't feel the spark with any of them and never really felt the urge to sleep with any of them so I didn't. Eventually, when I met the girl who really got me all fired up (and had all the right combinations of other non-sex related qualities) it just happened naturally. I definitely don't regret the waiting but it was not something I did consciously, like the girl you're referring to; it was never about waiting for marriage or "only do it in this specific situation".

Basically just do it whenever you feel that is right...a lot of my female friends say they did it too young because they felt pressured by their boyfriends and a lot of my male friends say they did it too early because there was a need to prove their virility. Both situations are unfortunate and I'm glad I didn't have to experience it, nor did I ever feel ashamed or hid the fact that I was a virgin even as an adult.

Avatar image for toast_burner
#6 Posted by toast_burner (24932 posts) -

I find it funny how people who have never had sex talk as if they understand sex better than anyone else. If you haven't had sex how do you know having sex will create some magical bond between you, or that love and sex are intertwined?

Avatar image for LostProphetFLCL
#7 Edited by LostProphetFLCL (18526 posts) -

@i_return said:

Well, the fact that she's ashamed to tell people that she's a virgin made me laugh. I mean what's wrong with being a virgin? is it a crime? or something that you should be ashamed of?

It's because there are dumb people who will make fun of someone for being a virgin, especially at her age.

While I may think the idea of waiting till marriage is stupid, I do not think that being a virgin is something that someone needs to be ashamed of or should be made fun of for. Life just doesn't happen at the same pace for everyone.

Avatar image for Serraph105
#8 Posted by Serraph105 (32126 posts) -

@LostProphetFLCL said:

@i_return said:

Well, the fact that she's ashamed to tell people that she's a virgin made me laugh. I mean what's wrong with being a virgin? is it a crime? or something that you should be ashamed of?

It's because there are dumb people who will make fun of someone for being a virgin, especially at her age.

While I may think the idea of waiting till marriage is stupid, I do not think that being a virgin is something that someone needs to be ashamed of or should be made fun of for. Life just doesn't happen at the same pace for everyone.

This is sentiment I agree with, sex is hardly a rite of passage or something that needs to happen with the coming of age.

Avatar image for johnd13
#9 Posted by johnd13 (9340 posts) -

@korvus: I admire your mentality(and not because I'm a 21 year old virgin :P). I think it's dumb to consider sex a means of establishing your superiority and improve your self image. And that's exactly what the general mass believes and acts on.

I could start frequenting clubs and bars, hitting on random girls and I would probably find one looking for casual sex and get laid. There are a lot of that bunch. However that's out of my character and I honesly prefer waiting for the right girl, a relationship etc. I don't consider sex a goal of its own but a part of something greater.

Avatar image for korvus
#10 Edited by korvus (10999 posts) -

@johnd13: I think you have the right attitude, not because there's something wrong about "picking up girls in a bar" per se, but if that is not something you're interested in than why do it? I've always had a very romantic view of relationships, very "happily ever after" and that's why it took me so long to have a relationship with someone, but I was lucky enough to have gotten my own fairy-tale so in the end I proved myself right. Obviously this isn't for everyone and people should find their own happiness instead of feeling like they need to do "what everyone else is doing".

Avatar image for Stevo_the_gamer
#11 Posted by Stevo_the_gamer (44886 posts) -

Very classy, actually.

Avatar image for Serraph105
#12 Posted by Serraph105 (32126 posts) -

@Stevo_the_gamer said:

Very classy, actually.

I agree that the article is well written. She doesn't come across as the typical holier than thou sort at all.

Avatar image for ad1x2
#13 Posted by ad1x2 (6706 posts) -

Several years ago (and even today depending on your area) people would tell you it is a good idea to remain a virgin until marriage because of religious restrictions on fornication. Today, people will tell you it is a good idea because of unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

I remember reading somewhere that some women may be more likely to cheat on her partner if she was a virgin before they got together if for no other reason than curiosity. She was only with one man and may want to compare him with someone else. That could be BS but who knows.

Of course, safe sex and contraceptives are a lost art, otherwise we wouldn't have so many people having kids before they graduate high school (assuming having their kid didn't cause them to drop out).

Avatar image for Stranger_36
#14 Posted by Stranger_36 (608 posts) -

I'm 26 (I'll be 27 in a few days) and I'm still a virgin. Haven't even kissed anyone.

Avatar image for AutoPilotOn
#15 Posted by AutoPilotOn (8655 posts) -

@Stranger_36: that is some strong will power. Not saying you should sleep around but I couldn't imagine going that long without seriously dating someone that it would just happen.

Avatar image for toast_burner
#16 Posted by toast_burner (24932 posts) -

@ad1x2 said:

Of course, safe sex and contraceptives are a lost art, otherwise we wouldn't have so many people having kids before they graduate high school (assuming having their kid didn't cause them to drop out).

Teen pregnancy is on a decline and has been so for quite a long time.

Avatar image for korvus
#17 Posted by korvus (10999 posts) -

@AutoPilotOn said:

@Stranger_36: that is some strong will power. Not saying you should sleep around but I couldn't imagine going that long without seriously dating someone that it would just happen.

Depends on the person. I never had trouble going without sex. Might have been harder if I had an experience early on and then never again for years, but as it was, it was no big deal.

Avatar image for AutoPilotOn
#18 Posted by AutoPilotOn (8655 posts) -

@korvus: I didn't mean avoiding sex in general but a long term partner where sex just happens As part of relationship.

Avatar image for korvus
#19 Posted by korvus (10999 posts) -

@AutoPilotOn: Ah, I see. Yeah, that would probably be complicated, especially if both people were sure they were in it for the long haul. Then again, if both of them had the same conviction it might be easier.

Avatar image for AutoPilotOn
#20 Edited by AutoPilotOn (8655 posts) -

@korvus: yea when I was in high school I dated a "good girl" and she wouldn't because regilion not that I didn't want to. One time we almost did the deed so to speak and my friend came over and hoped on my computer in my room to play games. Needless to say it didn't happen and she took it as a sign from God. I was ok with it but we did end up seperating because I wasn't religious enough and she couldn't be with someone who was goin to end up in hell lol

Avatar image for GazaAli
#21 Posted by GazaAli (25216 posts) -

Well I myself am a 26 years old virgin so I guess you know how I feel about the woman in the OP TC.

It was both a conscious decision in addition to not finding the right one that left my virginity intact up until now. What I mean by this is that I made a conscious and a premeditated decision to wait till marriage before I'd lose my v-card but I never really encountered a situation where I had to blatantly refuse a blunt sex proposition . On a second thought, maybe the two are one and the same after all. I mean if I never had the resolution to have sex before marriage while having the resolution not to ever get married young simultaneously all along, how would I have come across a sex offer to refuse in the first place? I never considered myself "in the game" until very recently anyway.

Avatar image for ad1x2
#22 Edited by ad1x2 (6706 posts) -

@toast_burner said:

@ad1x2 said:

Of course, safe sex and contraceptives are a lost art, otherwise we wouldn't have so many people having kids before they graduate high school (assuming having their kid didn't cause them to drop out).

Teen pregnancy is on a decline and has been so for quite a long time.

But it still happens, and that is the point I was making. People let their genitals do the talking and they end up getting pregnant because they couldn't hold out long enough to get contraceptives.

Avatar image for Rattlesnake_8
#23 Posted by Rattlesnake_8 (18452 posts) -

Who cares.. she has no reason to be ashamed, I respect her decision to wait. If she wants to wait, thats her choice. She shouldn't be ashamed because it's no ones business but her own.

Avatar image for GazaAli
#24 Posted by GazaAli (25216 posts) -

At any rate, why is there an article about her? She's not old enough to "warrant" an article, even by retarded societal norms.

Avatar image for deactivated-598fc45371265
#25 Posted by deactivated-598fc45371265 (13247 posts) -

@GazaAli said:

At any rate, why is there an article about her? She's not old enough to "warrant" an article, even by retarded societal norms.

It's Salon.

Avatar image for perfect_blue
#26 Edited by Perfect_Blue (30447 posts) -

Boo hoo. Sex is a normal part of any relationship, she's gimping herself by following ridiculous guidelines created by sheep herders and slave owners 2000 years ago. Her loss, dumb girl.

Avatar image for airshocker
#27 Posted by airshocker (31700 posts) -

I can't even imagine how miserable my life would have been if I had waited until I had gotten married to have sex. Yikes.

Avatar image for AutoPilotOn
#28 Posted by AutoPilotOn (8655 posts) -

@airshocker: I am so glad my wife and I first time was not our wedding night. That would of been horrible. I don't understand waiting till marriage to live together also. You don't really know a person till you have to share living space with them.

Avatar image for perfect_blue
#29 Posted by Perfect_Blue (30447 posts) -

@airshocker said:

I can't even imagine how miserable my life would have been if I had waited until I had gotten married to have sex. Yikes.

Mhmm. Imagine how terrible the sex would be the first time too. *shudders*

Avatar image for lamprey263
#30 Edited by lamprey263 (35008 posts) -

Out of curiosity, but has she engaged in oral, anal, hand/foot jobs, armpit, etc, thinking that preserves her chastity?

Avatar image for MakeMeaSammitch
#31 Posted by MakeMeaSammitch (4889 posts) -

@i_return said:

Well, the fact that she's ashamed to tell people that she's a virgin made me laugh. I mean what's wrong with being a virgin? is it a crime? or something that you should be ashamed of?

It usually show a degree of sexual repression and inexperience.

Would you rather have a partner that knew what they were doing? Or had no experience?

Avatar image for MakeMeaSammitch
#32 Posted by MakeMeaSammitch (4889 posts) -

@ad1x2 said:

Of course, safe sex and contraceptives are a lost art, otherwise we wouldn't have so many people having kids before they graduate high school (assuming having their kid didn't cause them to drop out).

Teen pregnancies have been on the decline for a while now so....

Avatar image for AutoPilotOn
#33 Posted by AutoPilotOn (8655 posts) -

@lamprey263: lol I have known girls who thought this was the case. I find it laughable.

Avatar image for mingmao3046
#34 Posted by mingmao3046 (2683 posts) -

Good for her, actually waiting for someone she loves unlike so many young women today.

Avatar image for perfect_blue
#35 Posted by Perfect_Blue (30447 posts) -

@lamprey263 said:

Out of curiosity, but has she engaged in oral, anal, hand/foot jobs, armpit, etc, thinking that preserves her chastity?

Loading Video...

Relevant

Avatar image for Serraph105
#36 Posted by Serraph105 (32126 posts) -

@lamprey263 said:

Out of curiosity, but has she engaged in oral, anal, hand/foot jobs, armpit, etc, thinking that preserves her chastity?

From the article it would appear that she has not done these things either.

Avatar image for HoolaHoopMan
#37 Posted by HoolaHoopMan (9471 posts) -

@LostProphetFLCL said:

I remember being naive enough to think that waiting for marriage to have sex was a good idea.

Then I grew up and realized how incredibly STUPID that idea is considering it is HUGELY important to be sexually compatible with your partner and waiting till after you are married to figure that out is incredibly fucking stupid...

Ding ding ding, we have a winner.

Avatar image for HoolaHoopMan
#38 Posted by HoolaHoopMan (9471 posts) -

@ad1x2 said:

@toast_burner said:

@ad1x2 said:

Of course, safe sex and contraceptives are a lost art, otherwise we wouldn't have so many people having kids before they graduate high school (assuming having their kid didn't cause them to drop out).

Teen pregnancy is on a decline and has been so for quite a long time.

But it still happens, and that is the point I was making. People let their genitals do the talking and they end up getting pregnant because they couldn't hold out long enough to get contraceptives.

Then let's hold schools accountable to teach ACTUAL comprehensive sex ed and throw contraceptive at teens.

Avatar image for thehig1
#39 Posted by thehig1 (6420 posts) -

@korvus said:

I was a virgin until the age of 26 as well because I wanted my first time to be with someone I was in love with; not because I thought I couldn't do it otherwise but it was a personal choice. Throughout the years I had several people I was fond of who expressed interest in having sex with me but I didn't feel the spark with any of them and never really felt the urge to sleep with any of them so I didn't. Eventually, when I met the girl who really got me all fired up (and had all the right combinations of other non-sex related qualities) it just happened naturally. I definitely don't regret the waiting but it was not something I did consciously, like the girl you're referring to; it was never about waiting for marriage or "only do it in this specific situation".

Basically just do it whenever you feel that is right...a lot of my female friends say they did it too young because they felt pressured by their boyfriends and a lot of my male friends say they did it too early because there was a need to prove their virility. Both situations are unfortunate and I'm glad I didn't have to experience it, nor did I ever feel ashamed or hid the fact that I was a virgin even as an adult.

Serious case of blue balls lol. Respect for doing it out of choice and waiting until it was right.

I was the opposite, I masturbated non stop in my early teens, constantly thinking about sex, first opportunity I got I done it at the age of 16.

After that I would have sex at every opportunity with anyone I could pull, until I met my girlfriend at 19 then sex became exclusive to her obviously.

Avatar image for lamprey263
#40 Posted by lamprey263 (35008 posts) -

@Aljosa23 said:

@lamprey263 said:

Out of curiosity, but has she engaged in oral, anal, hand/foot jobs, armpit, etc, thinking that preserves her chastity?

Loading Video...

Relevant

that was awesome

Avatar image for korvus
#41 Posted by korvus (10999 posts) -

@thehig1: And if that was what felt right for you and you were careful, then it was the right decision for you just as mine was for me =)

@AutoPilotOn said:

@airshocker: I am so glad my wife and I first time was not our wedding night. That would of been horrible. I don't understand waiting till marriage to live together also. You don't really know a person till you have to share living space with them.

Yep, I definitely wouldn't want to wait until I was married to realise we really didn't work together (which you can never be sure unless you've lived with someone for a few months)

Avatar image for thehig1
#42 Posted by thehig1 (6420 posts) -

@korvus said:

@thehig1: And if that was what felt right for you and you were careful, then it was the right decision for you just as mine was for me =)

@AutoPilotOn said:

@airshocker: I am so glad my wife and I first time was not our wedding night. That would of been horrible. I don't understand waiting till marriage to live together also. You don't really know a person till you have to share living space with them.

Yep, I definitely wouldn't want to wait until I was married to realise we really didn't work together (which you can never be sure unless you've lived with someone for a few months)

Not sure if it was the right thing, I was lucky I never got an STD or got anyone pregnant, I did use protection at all times. However on some drunken nights things can happen.

Example on one night I put condom on, had sex once I was done I seen a huge tear in the thing, so I got lucky really.

I dont regret how I was, but I could have regretted if things turned out differently.

Avatar image for korvus
#43 Posted by korvus (10999 posts) -

@thehig1 said:

I dont regret how I was, but I could have regretted if things turned out differently.

I believe that goes for every important decision we make in life. There's always the chance it's going to be a major screw up =)

Avatar image for AutoPilotOn
#44 Edited by AutoPilotOn (8655 posts) -

@thehig1: what if you didn't get lucky and have a kid out there lol

Avatar image for Serraph105
#45 Posted by Serraph105 (32126 posts) -

@thehig1: Make sure you have $50-$60 available at all times in case of a broken condom. Plan B works.

Avatar image for MuD3
#46 Posted by MuD3 (2117 posts) -

@Serraph105: I couldn't finish the article... it was annoying. It bothers me when sex is put on a pedestal. Sex, and sex with someone you love are two different things and there is no harm and should be no shame in loveless sex. I don't give a **** if you're a virgin... it doesn't make you special.

Avatar image for bobaban
#47 Posted by bobaban (10560 posts) -

So she was burned by some guys. Get over it.

Guys have it much worse, we have to act like suitors just to get some. Girls just have to wait and accept/deny.

I know/seen guys that get shut down repeatedly, sometimes they just give up

Avatar image for thehig1
#48 Edited by thehig1 (6420 posts) -

@AutoPilotOn said:

@thehig1: what if you didn't get lucky and have a kid out there lol

Lucky enough that particular girl I still know to this day, and she has no Children.

Avatar image for foxhound_fox
#49 Edited by foxhound_fox (97006 posts) -

Waiting for marriage.

Avatar image for vl4d_l3nin
#50 Edited by vl4d_l3nin (1212 posts) -

Good lord..I can't agree with that, nor can I even respect it. It's a bad decision, no matter how she tries and spins it. She sounds pretentious as hell in that article, to the point where she doesn't make any sense..

I do it because after 26 years, I’ve come to realize that of all the experiences and opportunities offered in life, to love someone is the most precious. A long time ago I was taught — and chose to believe — that love and sex are intertwined in such a way that to separate them would be to lessen their value. When it comes to my decision to stay a virgin until marriage — to hold out for that one-time-only chance to fully connect with and know and love another person — I want to make sure it’s the right man.

whaaa?