Hello everyone. I am finally home from the hospital today after a failed suicide attempt. During my recovery, i had a lot of time to think. and i thought of something i wish to share in hopes it will make someone else feel better about themselves.
My suicide attempt was at least partially due to depression from not knowing where i fit in this world. With billions of people in the world, how important could my one life be. That's partially why I'm a gamer. you're always the main character. The whole world revolves around you. You're the Hero, You matter. It always made me feel good playing games because of that. I want to stand out a feel important in life. i think most people do. But standing out is hard. Most people will live a normal life. And for some, like me, that was never good enough.
After a lot of thought, I noticed something. My PSP has a single dead pixel towards the lower right corner. 1 pixel. the screen is 480 x 272 pixels for a total of 130,560 total pixels. That's A LOT. When I'm looking at the screen, i could never identify any single pixel. They all looked the same to me. they were all part of the bigger picture. But that one dead pixel. I always noticed the hole left by that 1 single individual pixel. And the image as a whole suffered greatly because of it.
You're never going to be the center of the universe. But that doesn't mean you're not an important part of the big picture. If i can notice a single dead pixel in 130,560. Imagine the impact your life has on the people around you. If you know it or not, you play a part in the big picture. And your absence WILL be noticed by the people around you.