Simulators to me are generally, ummm...digital representations of a technical experience. I guess? In other words, a simulator is something that tries to replicate a certain experience, be it flying a plane, driving a car, performing surgery, and so forth.
The connotation of a "sim" to me is generally one that strives for realism, though you can have "arcade" sims that are light on realism (such as Microsoft Combat Flight Simulations) but still get a lot of things right, and you can also have unrealistic simulations like Tie Fighter or Elite: Dangerous.
So no, CoD is not a "sim" because it's a first-person shooter; it strives to tell a story, provide action and scripted moments, and so forth. However, I would call ArmA 3 a military sim because it strives to represent what it might be like to serve in the military, but it could also be considered a first-person shooter to an extent as well. Definitely more sim than shooter, though
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