Heed my Warning

User Rating: 1 | FIFA Soccer 06 PS2
During the medieval times, a valiant knight named Sir EAalot decided to besiege the king with a game he found Bethlehem. However, Merlin the great and powerful wizard who is an ancestor to Harry Potter grew jealous of Sir EAalot's game of wonders and decided to curse it. On each year and at the same time, the game will be released, constantly released. Though it will bring good fortune to Sir EAalot's descendants, their personality will dwindle into insanity with each game released it will bring them closer to madness, greed and hated by every man, woman and child, FOR ALL ETERNITY. The game in question, which can be traced to the 8000 BC, is FIFA, or commonly known as Freedom Is Funny Arthur! A sarcastic, and whimsical joke that amused King Arthur.

The game disc was for a time, the same size as King Arthur's Round Table. Because it was the Round Table for a time. However, due to the swords and armour on the knights the table got scratched a lot and the game seized to function. No one knows how Sir EAalot managed to shrink the game down, and it will forever remain a mystery. But histories have managed to ascertain is that at some point during 1666, FIFA was somehow involved with the Great Fire Of London. Some historians say that FIFA started the fire because no one was buying it, or sacrificing goats to it on a daily basis. What is amazing is some historians believe Stonehenge is actually the world's first console and low and behold, FIFA was compatible to run on it. Though, what they used for joypads is still a mystery to this day. Or memory cards. Though some people will be ready to argue that Runes were specially designed memory cards, and that the Stonehenge laser somehow read the engraved scripture on it. Though this is pure speculation for the time being.

The original origins of FIFA can be found in the Bible, particularly in Genesis. Though it describes humanities downfall by touching it through temptation, led on by Snake (developed by God Konami of Hideo Kojima-sanki (born out of Amaterasu's toe nail, who then became ISS Pro, then became Pro Evo, who then became Pro EvoVI as we know it today)). It shall be forever enshrined in legends and myths. There's a rumour that Jesus Christ himself has played a FIFA game, some saying that Myrrh is actually a mistranslation of FIFA. Though it hasn't been proven as of yet.

If you've ever watched 2001: A Space Odyssey the monolith is actually a cursed PS2 console doomed forever for solely playing FIFA. Never underestimate the power of FIFA. The reason why Ouija Boards are banned is because of, yes, you guessed it, FIFA. At some point in the 1880s it was believed that FIFA was in fact a demon and was banished. Though before being destroyed by Sir George in 1321, FIFA cast a spell and turned himself into a Ouija board and vowed:

"Anyone who uses this board shall set me free and my evil shall once again reign supreme..." It laid dormant in Wales for 567 years in a cafe in Rhyl until it found it's way to London.

In 1888, Jack Ripton AKA Jack the Ripper used the Ouija board and was possessed by FIFA. It's highly believed that Jack the Ripper started his killings because he lost at FIFA to his first victim and took the loss quite bad.

So now, at the present, I'm locked in a room fighting off the evils of FIFA. Though I may not live, hopefully my legacy of slaying the beast will live on. It's a difficult journey and fraught with danger, but for the good of mankind, FIFA MUST STOPPED!!!! I pray that my warning will not go unheeded and you must not buy this ga.......................................

-End of Review-