Boros takes the role of a medieval accountant, by filing axes into faces.

User Rating: 7.5 | Fable XBOX
Boros here, and this game is good, but I wouldn't call it great. Simply because it can get slow and non-sensical at times. What do I mean? Well, lets take a look.

The story is you play as an adventurer who joins the hero's guild, because he has special abilities. The guild's job is from what I could understand to do odd jobs for people until s#1t gets f@%ked up, then solve that. Like most western RPG's, the overarching plot takes a back seat to side missions and exploration. Now, this can work to excellent results, see Fallout 3 and New Vegas, and I think this is another good example, but with a game called Fable, you'd think the story would be stronger, so it's kind of false advertising.

Anyway, what this game is REALLY about is creating your own story. That could mean killing anything that looked at you funny, or settling down, being a good boy, and f@%king some NPC. I opted for the first one, first, then after beating the overarching plot, went back to the second one. Let's start with the murdering. The first thing you need to know is how it works. Basically, in normal western RPG's, you pick a class, and you level up and learn moves in that class, but in Fable, it teaches you the basics of all the available murder techniques, and lets you level up the ones you like, and let the other one's decay and wither away.

This game boils it down to only 3 murder techniques; brawn, which is strength, melee weapons, health, that kind of thing; dexterity, which is guns, agility, and so forth; and magic, which consists of fire, lightning, burning rushes, among others. However, this game does have the problem of letting you sink all of your points into magic, just to see an unavoidable part of dexterity. I was a strength, and magic specialist, but I didn't care for the dexterity, so I couldn't shoot a gun accurately, but I didn't know I was going to need it, and where do you think I needed it? At the final f@%king boss! That's right, it flys up in the air, where shooting it down is the best thing to do, but I had to wait for it to come back into range of my magic, or get on the ground for me to shove an axe up it's ass. Yeah, it's not needed until then. Don't get me wrong, I actually like this system better than the typical select a class, because it's much easier to play the way you want to, but don't throw that kind of dick move at us if you're going to do that. I'm ok with side missions requiring other skills, because they're side missions, but the final boss? When it's too late to get more experience to pour into the missing stat? Well, f@%k you, game, I don't have to put up with your bulls#1t. I did beat the game, but still. Also, escort quests need to drink lead paint until they retard themselves out of existance. If they weren't bad enough anyway, they penalize you for damage the escort takes. This makes escort quests all the more painful, but on the bright side, you can, most of the time, kill the guy after the mission is complete.

Now, let's talk about the other gameplay aspect, the medieval life simulator. Basically, the idea is you can make money doing quests, and jobs around Albion, and then you can buy buildings to either rent out for more money, or to live in. Then, if you find you like one NPC over another, then you can marry them, and have kids. You know, if you're opposite gender to your spouse. They don't break the laws of biology. How would that even work anyway? Would you have to push a baby out of your cockhole?

Moving hastely on from that mental image I just gave myself, you have to give your loved one a ring to marry them, and the more high class the NPC, the better quality the ring has to be. I want to recall an interesting scenario before I sum up, however, and it's not in the games favor. I was courting an NPC named Lady Grey, because she didn't cat like other NPC's. She was into the dark thing's and loved it when I gave her black roses, jet, and other odd things that normal women NPC's wouldn't like. She did like diamond's and other jewels, but she was different. I don't know if this was supposed to be a deliberate sattire in favor of writing, or lazy programming, but when I married her, she turned into a normal NPC woman. Hated black roses, too, which was strange, because she was wearing one. That took away from the game for me.

Now that I got that off of my chest, it's time to sum up. Fable is good, but it has some glaring issues, like the no plot, and escort quests. However, Fable's attitude towards it's flaws seems to be, "I'm a game, and I'm playable, and I'm fun! What more could you ask for?" Quite a few, Fable, but I'll take it for face value, and recommend you to RPG fans, because at least your fun, and pass the time.