A conversation between Wootex and St. Peter.
Huh… where am I?
These pearly gates should give you an idea.
Oh man! Well… I guess this is what I get for hang-gliding in a lightning storm. So you must be Saint Peter.
Just call me Simon please.
Simon?
Yeah, I like to go by Simon.
Ok Simon, so… you gonna let me in?
Now, hold onto your horse chariot, we need to check our records and make sure you led a worthwhile and moral life in the eyes of the lord.
Uh oh.
Hmmm, it says here you spent an absolutely inordinate amount of hours playing a game called "Diablo 2: Lord of Destruction." That doesn't sound too wholesome.
Well, I could see how you might think that, but it was perfectly wholesome, basically I fight the imprison the forces of darkness by clicking on demons to attack them, or I could right click to use a spell on them.
So basically, all you do is click on things?
Yeah, pretty much.
And you spent hundreds of hours doing this?
Probably, I kind of lost track of time while I was playing.
How did you not get bored?
Well, the way the game was designed, there was a chance that any enemy could drop weapons and armor that did incredible things. Or drop some kind of runes or gems that I could imbue into my weapon and become an unstoppable killing machine. You know, with the constant chance of better equipment just around the corner, it was really hard to stop playing.
So that's it huh?
No, there's more than that. The game had seven character classes and they all had 30 different skills that I could use to design them however I wanted. Not only that, the game would reconfigure the map whenever I started a new game. So even if I beat the game with one character, I just start another right away.
Ok, so how did your time spent playing "Diablo 2: Lord of Destruction" enhance the earthly experiences of the people around you?
Well, I suppose it didn't. It was just fun to click things.
Well, did you emerge from your time playing the game as a better person, with a more thorough understanding of humanity's place in the cosmos?
Well, not really, I never even beat the game on the hardest difficulty. It just gets impossible in 1 player. But I did learn that it was fun to click things.
Well Wootex, we're already pretty crowded up here and there's simply no room for somebody who would spend so much of the limited earthly time given to him engaging in such trivial and slightly demonic pursuits. I'm going to have to open the hatch and send you down below.
It was worth iiiitttttt.