When robots enter the special olympics, everyone loses.
By the time Ontario Tangram made it's way to shelves, Virtual On had reached it's peak. No one knew that Sega had driven ever closed to the serie's downfall...
5 years passed since Ontario Tangram, and Sega's latest installment for the Virtual On series had finally arrived.
With fevered anticipation, I plopped the disc into my PS2 expecting the same greatness Sega had offered me before...
But no they didn't. Sega had not put a game in this box. They sent me a disc filled with piles and piles of flaming dog poo.
You may not beleive me, but oh trust me, if you buy this game, you too will experience a horror like no other.
NOW FOR THE REAL REVIEW...
Virtual On: Marz is the latest installment of the ever so popular Cyber Troopers series. Like the other games, it pits giant robots in a small arena against each other. The objective is to run around and shoot anything that moves until someone explodes. Sounds exciting huh? That's what I thought until I played this piece of garbage.
GAMEPLAY
Back in '95, the original Virtual On: Cyber Troopers was revolutionary. In 1998, Ontario Tangram improved the already perfect gameplay. However, when Sega decided to release another sequel for the series, they probably didn't want to mess with the perfection of the gameplay. So...they did nothing.
The gameplay WAS perfect...if the game had been released 5 years ago. The controls are unresponsive, the robots are sluggish, and I just decided to stop playing this game so I could crawl in the corner and cry. GAMEPLAY WAS BAD.
GRAHICS
Making another comparison to the original VO:CT, it's graphics and renders were again, revolutionary. So revolutionary, it's graphics were even BETTER than the graphics on Virtual On: Marz.
OR, maybe it's because the graphics on VO:M are plain UGLY! The robots in this game must be less than ten polygons, because they just seem to be one piece of machinery with no moving parts. Thier movement is also very choppy.
Now back to '95. The original (and Ontario Tangram) had pieces of the robot fly off after being hit. If your robot was destroyed, it be pretty much a lump of flaming metal. However, in VO:M, no pieces fly off of the robot. Nothing happens It just falls down and gets back up. Moreso, when your robot is destroys, there's a small explosion, and it falls down, still all shiny and polished. It doesn't look like there's anything wrong with it. But, oh, there is something wrong. Those robots aren't dead, they're just pretending to be dead, so they can LEAVE THIS HIDEOUS COW PIE THAT SEGA CALLS A GAME!!!!!!
SOUND
Surprisingly, VO:M actually is good at something. The overall sound presentation is good, if you turn off the music. Even if you're a fan of techno and japenese pop, (which I am not) your eardrums will still bleed as soon as you boot up this game. I might not know for sure who is behind the creation of this game, but I do know that the compoer for the music must have been high when he made the music.
Now for the good parts of sound...sounds of guns and explosions were soothing. That was it.
VALUE
I bought this for $20. I regret spending every penny of this. Even if your friend offers to pay you $10 million to play it, slap him and throw him off a building.This game isn't even worth that much.
What about the length of the game? You may ask that. Well, the story mode consists of oven 14 hours of gameplay, but gets unbearably repetitive after 10 minutes.
But what about the robots? You ask. On the box it says that there are over 60 unlockable robots. This statement that Sega makes can be considered an armed robbery charged with 2nd degree murder on the English language. Yes there are over 60 robots, but about 40 of them are the same thing. That’s right! In my first 2 hours of playing this game, I had unlocked the following…
-Temjin
-Another Temjin
-A third Temjin
-One more Temjin
-A fat Temjin
-A short Temjin
-Apharmd (yay! The dude with green pants!)
-A small Temjin
-A red Temjin
-A fat Apharmd (yay! Not a temmy!)
As you can see, of the preceding robots, there were only two different kinds. Yup. Two.
TILT
I’m not really sure what tilt means. I think it means overall. Oh well. VOM sucks.
---pros---
-resurrection of a classic
-giant robots
-robot renders are nice
---cons---
-no damage
-bad music
-ugly explosions
-everything else about a game
CONCLUSION
VOM sucks. As many of you gamers know, there are several types of video games.
There are, (1) Good games, (2) bad games, and (3) games so bad, they make you want to punch a baby. VOM is of the latter.
AVOID AT ALL COSTS
-foo19