GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY

User Rating: 1 | Call of Duty: Black Ops III PS3

I'll keep this review honest and hold my true feelings for the developers back: THIS IS GARBAGE.

1. MAJOR lack of content (they advertised this in their defense but it still doesn't mean the game doesn't suck. No campaign, lack of game modes (no hardcore domination? WTF?). Will there even be more map packs?

2. Connectivity/freezing/lag issues: if they fix this I'll raise my rating. It's so bad there are some nights I give up trying to play. It freezes my system causing me to have to manually power cycle it. GAME SESSION NO LONGER AVAILABLE. LOST CONNECTION TO HOST. Booted from the lobby. CONNECTION INTERRUPTED. Incessant rubber banding. The action is so choppy and prohibitive to equitable gameplay I'm waiting for Ashton Kutcher to show up at my door and tell me I got Punk'd in buying it. It's simply a huge pile of junk.

3. Crappy hit detection: This is a staple of the franchise. Some shots go right through an enemy with zero hit detection. Other times (which is the most stressful) I will get 3-4 hit markers (clear ones, from close range) and the enemy can turn around and kill me with 1-2 shots. Absolute BULLSHIT. It makes the game unplayable, but that's par for the course with Call of Duty. Ever hear anyone say, "BUT I SHOT HIM FIRST!" in a game other than CoD? Neither have I. Battlefield: Bad Company 2 still owns this franchise in mechanical functionality and it's 8 friggin' years old.

4. Of course, naturally we have the biggest element that makes this a steaming pile of dog shit: the players. It's all about camping, glitching, hacking, and cheap kills. You get rewarded for being a cheap and shitty player, and you get punished for trying to incorporate actual skill and strategy.

To be fair: this game has some good stuff going for it. The movement system is really cool (slightly derivative of Advanced Warfare but with its own unique style). I like it. The maps are really nice. Most of them are boring, but their layout is conducive for some really cool gameplay. Bravo on the map design. Weapons, perks, specialties, accessories are also cool. The class system is neat as well. It's too bad these positive attributes are overshadowed by all the flaws.

My score will go up if they fix this heap of shit. As of now the connectivity and lag issues are inexcusable. This is not a $50 game. It's a $5 game at best. And it was not even developed by Treyarch. It was ported by Mercenary Technology, a crappy little 5 year old outfit that absolutely sucks at developing software.

Dear Activision/Beenox and Mercenary Technology: I WANT A REFUND FOR THIS NON-FUNCTIONAL, STEAMING PILE OF DOG SHIT. Your practices make me want to puke.