Your Wrestlemania 34 guide to using the bathroom.
Without a doubt, Wrestlemania is the biggest--and longest--event of the year, which may come in at over seven hours this year. That's a lot of time spent glued to a television, and while the question posed above may seem silly to the average person who doesn't watch WWE programming, it's a serious concern to everyone getting ready to watch Wrestlemania 34 on Sunday, April 8. Unlike traditional sporting events--which have breaks in between quarters--or innings or theater--which has intermissions--wrestling PPVs are many times jam-packed with matches, 14 in this year's case, that go non-stop.
Before the women's revolution, many "diva's matches" were called "pee breaks" by WWE fans as said matches were short, full of nothing more than hair-pulling, and had ridiculous stipulations like Wrestlemania 22's Playboy Pillow Fight, which was exactly what it sounds like. Now, the women's roster is amazing, and they're putting on matches fans want to watch, as they're better than a whole lot of the men's matches.
So, that brings us back to the question at hand. As someone watching Wrestlemania 34, when do you have time to go to the bathroom? The card is stacked and every single match on it is one you're going to want to watch. This is a really exciting Wrestlemania. We've analyzed the incredibly large match card and decided there will be a few spots during the evening where you don't have to be glued in front of the TV.
Undertaker vs. John Cena
While the match hasn't been officially announced--but it will be tonight--Undertaker vs. John Cena is probably one of the less exciting matches on the card, as the build-up has been primarily John Cena yelling into the ether on Raw for the past few weeks. While this match will certainly be better than Taker's battle last year against Roman Reigns, as Cena can carry a match a bit better than The Big Dog, this will be your best time to hit the lavatory.
Undertaker's entrance alone will be long enough for you to head the the bathroom, grab yourself a drink and a few slices a pizza, and you won't miss a moment of the action. However, you'll probably miss Taker slowly riding a motorcycle to the ring while Limp Bizkit plays in the background, but is that a total loss? Bikertaker isn't confirmed, but it feels fitting for the story.
The Bar vs. Braun Strowman and Unnamed Partner
All of WWE's main titles are on the line at Wrestlemania, and with so many to watch, there has to be at least one that isn't as important as the others, and that one is for the Raw Tag Team Championships. Not to take anything away from The Bar or Braun Strowman, who has been doing some incredible things over the past year, but the match itself isn't a must watch in the grand scheme of things, since there are numerous other matches that hold much more importance.
Depending on who Strowman's partner is, and I'm guessing it will be comical more than anything else--hopefully, James Ellsworth--it seems like the match is to push Strowman as an unstoppable force while also showing The Bar can work well together, unless for some reason this match breaks them up, which is a different story altogether. The match is more of a headscratcher than anything else, so it's something you can miss a few minutes of, unless Strowman flips something over early on.
Cruiserweight Championship or Andre The Giant Battle Royal?
When it comes to the kickoff show, there are a whole lot of breaks in the first hour, since most of it will be commentators hyping up the matches. However, the second half, which will also air on the USA Network, will more than likely have three matches in it. We're guessing it will be the Women's Battle Royal, the Andre The Giant Battle Royal, and the Cruiserweight Championship. If so, that's going to be one amazing Kickoff show, but if you have to "go," you have a tough decision to make.
Without a doubt, missing the first-ever Women's Battle Royal wouldn't be a smart move, as there are going to be some great surprises during the match. That leaves you with the men's battle royal and Mustafi Ali vs. Cedric Alexander. If the stars of 205 Live aren't up your alley, you probably don't mind missing out on the match, even though Mustafi Ali is a joy to watch and deserves that title shot. Personally, the Andre The Giant Battle Royal will be fun, for sure, but the opening minutes aren't going to be anything crazy. You'll know almost everyone in the match, and there won't be any early surprises, aside from one or two NXT stars being included. For me, this match is the one that it's okay to miss a little of.
While we don't know when these matches will go on in the grand scheme of things, these three matches should be your best bet in order to get away from your TV for a few minutes, unless you're a diehard WWE fan and are planning on wearing adult diapers all evening. Make sure to stay tuned to GameSpot for the rest of the week for more Mania coverage and make sure to come back on Sunday for live coverage of the event.