Destroy All Humans! Spotlight: Planetary Invasions Made Easy

We take a look at your average would-be alien conqueror's tools of the trade.


Destroy All Humans!

Invasions are almost always troublesome affairs, thanks to the complicated logistics behind the whole conquering process. Whether you're trying to take over a small island or an entire planet, managing your time and resources is always a chore. Aliens have it slightly easier than most due to the simple fact that, 9 times out of 10, most aliens are out to stomp considerably inferior races. When it comes to technology and the like, '50s-era humanity doesn't appear to pose much of a threat to Destroy All Humans' Cryptosporidium 137. Of course, the young brain-stem-collecting alien quickly learns that the primitive apes on Earth actually turn out to be a deadly threat of murderous proportions. So, for the benefit of budding conquerors, we offer you a look through an arsenal of weapons and abilities that are invaluable when trying to overrun the Earth.


Zap-O-Matic -- Colloquially referred to as "the friend that fries," this is the standard Furon sidearm. Good for a quick, stunning blow or a lethal dose, the Zap-O-Matic leaves the subject's mind and body still intact, allowing for post-encounter processing of either.

Disintegrator Ray -- Driven by a nuclear accelerator, the Disintegrator Ray flings balls of hot plasma. Ideal for interfacing with humans in the only way they understand, the Disintegrator Ray is a great weapon against cars and humans alike.

That puny Earthling family was just asking for their house to be flattened.
That puny Earthling family was just asking for their house to be flattened.

Ion Detonator -- You'll wonder how you ever lived without this bouncing ball of concussive goodness. Charge up the device to fling the grenade farther, and then detonate it when enemies get near. So versatile, so destructive, so much fun!

Anal Probe -- There's so much to say about this delightful device. Fire it at any human and it will overload their tiny minds. Charge it and release, and they will be compelled to flee from you at all costs!

Mental Abilities

Cortex Scan -- Peer into the minds of Earth creatures! Scanning a mind takes seconds and gains the insight into the innermost thoughts. It also increases your concentration, so scan away!

HoloBob -- Humans are xenophobic little primates, and to walk among them one must look like them. Implant your chosen image--be it debutante, soldier, or president--into the minds of humans around you and fool all but the most perceptive. Take care! The image is slowly degrading your concentration and cannot be maintained indefinitely.

No alien arsenal is complete without the trusty death ray.
No alien arsenal is complete without the trusty death ray.

Hypno Blast -- The easiest way to get a human to do something for you is to force them! Hypno Blast creates several options to implant suggestions into the minds of humans. Get them to follow you, create a distraction, or even perform menial tasks. There might be a use for them yet!

Psychokinesis -- Oh, the joy of forcing your mental will on the physical world. Pick things up, manipulate objects, for pleasure or work...nothing beats Psychokinesis. Heavy objects drain mental concentration more quickly, so lift with the brain stem or you'll strain your frontal lobe.

Brain Extraction -- No human can really be called such until all Furon DNA has been removed from their brain stems. So liberate people from this horrible dual existence by removing the Furon part quickly and easily with the brain stem extraction. Pity the human who is killed in the experience, but at least he or she is no longer conflicted. More-powerful humans take greater concentration and a longer time!

UFO Weapons

Death Ray -- The Death Ray comes standard equipped with all Furon saucers, and its devastating effects on the landscape and surrounding structures is quite gratifying. The Death Ray is a continuous beam of energy that can cut a swath through anything it touches. Although the Death Ray has unlimited energy, you will need to allow it to recharge between shots.

For all your abduction needs...
For all your abduction needs...

Abducto Beam -- The Abducto is a useful tool for sucking up automobiles, hay bales, and yes, even humans, and transporting them high above the landscape. Want to get rid of a pesky tank? Go ahead and toss it into the nearest lake!

Sonic Boom -- A power weapon that shoots antimatter globules at your intended target. This weapon creates a large and devastating shock wave that will cause serious damage to anything nearby when it makes contact.

Quantum Deconstructor -- You want power? This is power! The Quantum Deconstructor is the ultimate in Furon technology. This serious weapon fires radioactive bombs, which explode in huge clouds of nuclear energy and lay waste to anything inside its blast radius. Although very rare and hard to come by, this weapon will serve you well on your mission to Destroy All Humans!

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