When I play this game, I feel like a parapalegic trying to ride a bicycle.

User Rating: 8.5 | ActRaiser 2: Chinmoku e no Seisen SNES
Now, I am not an uncoordinated person. Being an avid old-school gamer, I am quite dexterous at button-mashing with precision. When I play this game, all I can say is DAMMIT!!! I become incompetent. I first saw the pics of this game in GamePro, and I was enfatuated with the incredible detail. I loved the first game, so I was desparately anticipating the second. The first game inspired me to go on crusades in the wild near my house (see the review for ActRaiser), sop I was expecting this game not to disappoint. Well, my friend, Tony, rented it and brought it over to my house. He was playing it and made it look easy. His fingers were swift and nimble, which made playing look docile. WRONG! In reality, Tony had a touch for video games like King Midas-- and his games accompanied the Shroud of Turin, stored in a magical cave in Camelot. Tony once beat up Beowulf, but that is another story... anyway, I tried to play this game and completely sucked at it. I got up to the Venus Fly trap boss in stage one and it took me about 30 minutes to fell this mighty beast... wait a minute, the stage is still going... what the hell?!?! WHAT THE HELL?!?! That was only the mid-boss? ONLY THE MID-BOSS??? After playing the game for hours, and having the cops called to the house under suspicion of a domestic altercation from all of the yelling and cussing I was emitting, I finally beat the first stage. 12 years later and I still have the same problems. The game is awesome-- graphics, sound, theme-- just too damned hard. I feel like an invalid. To quote Dodgeball (with some improvisions): "playing that game is like watching a bunch of retards trying to HUMP a doorknob." But still fun.