• 19May 10

  Keyboard and Mouse Hygiene: How to Survive in the Modern Workplace

  Hygiene. The second greatest achievement of humankind. Cake is vastly superior however and shall remain the greatest of the divinely inspired gifts for all time. This is not debatable.

  Okay, those previous statements are over-exaggeratedly hyperbolic, but hygiene is important. However, the moment a keyboard or mouse are introduced into someone's life, their prior respectable standards of cleanliness disappear. It immediately becomes a surface to butter your toast on, collect all the crumbs from your meals at your desk, and catch the boogers you're skillfully prying from your schnoz. The wretched hive of scum and villainy that Obi-wan was talking about was not Mos Eisley, but actually your nasty keyboard. Okay, he was actually talking about Mos Eisley, but allow me to help you prevent your keyboard from becoming as disgusting as said nefarious spaceport.

  1. Wash your hands. Pretty easy right? A surprising number of highly educated software developers just can't get their minds around this one. Make a mental note of those people and avoid shaking their hands and using their keyboards at all costs. It's also a great way to get the excess oil off of your hands so your keyboard won't wind up with that old keyboard shine.
  2. Get your finger out of your nose. There must be something instinctual that triggers people to immediately start digging for gold when looking at powerpoint slides, but it's nasty and inexcusable. If you ever see a keyboard with a random green globule on it do not walk or pass go, but run the other way immediately...
  3. Don't use your keyboard as a placemat. Do you know how much bacteria is on there? With your germ coated epidermis touching it all day the answer is a lot. Like an 18 story parking garage lot size. So don't help those microbes thrive by eating directly over it. If you've got room in your cube, slide down a few feet and eat there instead. If you don't have room in your cube, it's either time to ask for a promotion or look for a new job.
  4. Clean up the crusties. Crusties are those dark but crunchy spots that occur when you drool on your keyboard because your monotonous manager turned a fifteen minute meeting into three hours (please just be slobber and not other bodily fluids people release while browsing the internet). Please take the 30 seconds to get a slightly damp cloth to wipe them up. If another person were every to touch your nasty human interface device the crusty may try to eat them.
  5. When it doubt, set it on fire. A fantastic tenet to live by and most certainly applies to keyboards and mice in the workplace. It's far easier to explain to your manager why your mouse is now a cute little plastic puddle than to explain to your insurance company how a keyboard devoured your left arm. Requesting your supervisor purchase you a new device is another approach, it just lacks the grandeur that a modern office requires.

  So there you have it, extremely simple steps to help you not catch Syphilis-of-the-keyboard or other human interface device transmitted infections (HIDTIs for all you stylish people with your fancy abbreviations). Not only will you be healthier, but your coworkers will stop looking at you like your forgot your deodorant... You did remember your deodorant right?

  Oh yeah, and that part about cake, that's all true.

  • Posted May 19, 2010 3:28 pm GMT
  • Category: Humor
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• 2Mar 10

  Gaming Lifestyle: Insulate or Incorporate?

  There seem to have been a lot of "games are a total waste of my time so goodbye forever suckas" posts going up recently, so let me assure you right away that this is not one of those. Games are and will remain my escape. I don't like TV, books are a bit overrated when the internet exists to assault the brain with information (slight exaggeration for argument's sake), and there's only so much you can do outside when it's below freezing. Gaming is my preferred way to pass the time, blow off steam after possibly costing the company half a million dollars, or achieve something after a frustrating day in the office. Yet for some reason, I expertly quarantine it from the rest of my life.
  
  Keeping everyone except the most important insulated from my favorite recreation most likely comes from a fear of being judged. Games are still the youngest medium out there and wildly misunderstood. Sensationalists continue to label them as the cause of violence around the world. World of Warcraft continues to grab headlines with horror stories of it causing divorce and child neglect. There have even been stories of employers immediately rejecting candidates if they have anything to do with games. With so much negative attention to the platform, identifying myself as one of the brainwashed, murdering psychopaths doesn't quite seem like the smartest play.
  
  Yet this is my medium. I've written games for myself and my siblings since I was 6 and continue to do so. Heck, my career most likely grew out of writing those little games as a child. Raptr tells me that I still play twelve to sixteen hours per week. I spend $80 per month on my hobby even after getting married. It's an important part of my life, why would I keep it secret?
  
  Being married means I don't have to make outrageous statements like "I've never touched Bad Company 2, unlike your looser ex-boyfriend" anymore, yet I would still make a similar comment out of my embarrassment over the perception of games and gamer "culture." Outside of potential future employers, there are not many people I need to impress for the rest of my life. Again, why should I keep it so separate?
  
  This all comes from my recent decision to create a Twitter account to follow peeps I'm interested in instead of going to all of the individual's feeds. It then evolved into an aggregator for my own thoughts on gaming to distribute them among the sites I frequent. It's only a matter of time before non-gaming friends find the account and start following me. Yet I still feel like I should keep it all separate.
  
  How integrated is gaming in your life? Do you bring it up in casual conversation with non-gamers? Do you update your Facebook posts with your gaming exploits? Is your gaming habit an insulated or an incorporated part of your life?

  • Posted Mar 2, 2010 12:32 pm GMT
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• 5Nov 09

  Fascinating Letter from Venezuelan Gamer

  If you live in the States, you're a lucky one. Hugo Chavez's government in Venezuela has passed legislation that now makes it illegal to sell, import, or produce video games with a stiffer penalty than providing firearms to minors. If you have a few minutes to read, it is well worth it:

  http://www.boingboing.net/2009/11/05/venezuela-chavez-adm.html

  I ain't here to discuss politickin, but how some of America's (referring to the broader sense of North and South America) political figures see Chavez as a saint instead of the tyrant he is confounds me.

  • Posted Nov 5, 2009 3:32 pm GMT
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