Hello, hello!

No, rumors of my death have been greatly exagerated. How are you my friends? I have missed you terribly. RL (real life) has been a hectic B for the last 10 months. Things seem to be settling down a bit and that's given me a some time to visit and say"

HEY & LOVE YOU & MISS YOU!

I hope my 'children' have been behaving---Mom would hate to have to ground them as her first act back. My RPG'rs, I have missed you and can't wait to see what you've done with Flasha. I promise to post a longer blog soon; however, RL is paging.

Love you! Suz

Hey there everyone!

I am in a rather worried, nervous, scared way. NO!!! It is not Alli! She is doing fine; though, she and BF have decided to be just friends and not boyfriend/girlfriend. It's my Mom.

Last Thursday, I got the news that a 'hot' spot had showed up on her annual CAT scan. Mom is a smoker so this was not good news. She had a PET scan done and it showed ONLY that one 'hot' spot in her right lung about 1.5cm. She under went a lobectomy yesterday. The original plan had been to remove the middle lobe of the right lung (weird factoid: you have 3 lobes in your right lung and 2 in your left); however, when the surgeon got in there, he did not like how close the mass was to her upper lobe and the artery that feeds that lobe. So, she ended up having both the upper and middle lobe of her right lung removed.

She is doing as well as can be expected and Dad and brother (both MD's) say she is coming along well. Unfortunately, the mass was cancer; but, not small cell lung cancer which is WONDERFUL news! Also, her lymph nodes (according to the surgeon) appeared clean; though, we have to wait on the Pathology report to be certain. He, surgeon, seems to feel they got it all and there were no signs that it had metastasized. YEAH!!!!

Please keep Mom in your prayers and thoughts as she is still weak and her recovery period will be longer than originally anticipated. I am staying at the hospital with her again tonight and will then be going home. My Dad and brother are there too. We are all hovering around her like bees; but, extra prayer never hurt.

Thank you all for always being there for me and my family. It is a great comfort.

Hugs & Kisses,

Momma Suz

PS--Needless to say, I have quit my bad habit to. Boom, I know you are proud of that.

Hello Everyone! How ya doin'?

As you might be able to tell, I am in a much happier mood than I've been in the last few blogs. Alli is doing much better. Her DR upped her anti-depressant and stopped her ADD meds for the time being. She is much happier. She still has a few panic attacks now and then but they are getting better too. Her appetite sucks---as usual but she's eating. She is smiling, goofing off, laughing, joking, running around yelling and just plain happier! YEAH!!!!!

On the down-side, her grades suck. It's cuz she can't focus as well without the medication. BUT, she is trying. She wants to get all her grades up to C's or better. I am trying not to be a "HOMEWORK NAZI" It's really hard!

Boy has been amazing and has officially entered the 'Teen Years" this month. He had a party with 8 of his friends and they played airsoft and his new XBox 360. They were suppose to sleep in the tent outside; but, when I woke up in the am, I had 3 in the livingroom and 3 in the playroom---2 didn't spend the night. However, he has been getting lax in his studies and it shows in his grades. He's gone from straight A's to 5 A's and 2 B's. I'm not worried. He wants to get all A's on his report card so he's gonna bring them up.

All in all, things are much, much, much better. I thank God for her friends, teachers, DR's and the school councilor! Guess what she did???? She went to see the school councilor all on her own! Told her everything! And, her BFF (Alyson) told her BF (Michael) what's going on cuz he was getting to the point that he thought he was responsible for her getting upset and mood swinging. He is such a good guy. He puts up with her crap and still cares for her. WOW!!!!

Gotta go now and be mom. She's doing homework and I am letting her do it on her own. She will also have to deal with the consequences of her choices too.

Oh does anyone know or is anyone from: Vietnam, Mexico, Haiti, Senegal or Afganistan? For an extra-credit project (which she decided to do on her own) she has to interview someone from one of those countries. So please, reach out to your internet friends and see if anyone is willing to be interviewed. That don't have to still live there.

LOVE & MISS YOU ALL!

HUGS & KISSES!!!!!

Momma Suz

PS--Sassy, I did the yellow just for you!

Hello to one and all, it is me. A voice from the not to distant past.

I disappear into RL and tv.com changes EVERYTHING!!!!! When did this happen? What did I miss? Well, RL sucks! Alli is backsliding a lot and she's had 3 major panic attacks in the last 10 days. We are going to see the Dr. tomorrow to talk and the MD has increased her medication and we may have to consider switching to a different type. School is a major trial for her right now---especially Bible **** Her grades are a bit lower than usual; but, that's to be expected (the doctor agrees). Her teachers and friends are being very supportive. Though, only one friend knows exactly what's going on. BF is trying to be understanding but, it's hard for him cuz he only has half the facts.

Well, gotta go straighten Brat's hair. I'll update more later.

Love and miss you!

Weights!!!!! You're alive and well!!!! YEAH!!!

HEY EVERYONE!!!!!

We are alive and well. We survived Gustav! No damage to life or property just lost power for 36 hours and the landlines are still down. Just got internet back in the last 30 min! Kids are enjoying the time off---they don't go back to school until Monday. DAMN!!! I go back to work tomorrow.

My folks in BR and my AIC near St. Francisville got the brunt of the storm. Folks are fine but powerless. Don't know how AIC is. Haven't heard from her yet. Hoping she'll respond to this blog.

Well, that's all for now. Alli is desparate to get on Guild Wars. So......

Take care and keep those warm fuzzies and prayers coming. Ike is looking like it might come into the Gulf so...........

LOVE YOU BUNCHES AND BUNCHES!!!! MISS YOU JUST AS MUCH!!!!

Hey Everyone!

Sorry I've been MIA so long. Work, school, Alli and life have been rather hectic. We are also glued to the weather channel thanks to Gustav. OH JOY AND RAPTURE!!!! Another hurricane and today is the 3rd anniversary of Katrina. Ain't life a B?

Well, Alli met with the Dr., great session. She said barely a word and came out more depressed than when she went in. That's the way it goes sometimes. School is ........ difficult. However, she has gone back on her ADD meds so I am hoping for some grade improvements. Her teachers are being very understanding and supportive. She is happy to be around her friends and bored stiff at home. Unfortunately for her, she's got to learn to distract or entertain herself and not look to me or dad to fix things for her.. That's part of the therapy. There are still good and bad days, mostly a little of each. We are all hanging in there with God's help.

On Boy front, the little bugger is in all honors cla$$es and has straight A's. It's amazing. I am so proud of him. He went to the "Back to School" dance with his friends and had a blast. He did not make the football team (boo hoo! ); but, it eases Mom's mind. He enjoys going to the YMCA and swimming/playing basketball and working out. He is ofter irritated with his sister which is good for her.

Hubby is hanging in there too. He doesn't take the mopey-dopey crap and that's good for Alli. He gives me lots of moral and loving support---I am a blessed woman. Oh, I've gone back to my 3rd PT job and am working everyday except Wed.--and sometimes even then. It gives me a break and relaxes me. That's my escape. That and reading, watching TV and browsing the Internet a little.

We are going to ride out Gustav. We rode out Katrina so what the heck? Got water, batteries and a generator so all should be okay. I'll let you know how we make out in my next blog. It's getting late and I have 2 unruly children to urge to bed. Please keep us in the thoughts and prayers. They really make a difference to all of us.

Love and Miss you Bunches!!!

Suz

PS--The dr. did not add the other med. He wants to leave things as they are until he can get a better idea of what we are dealing with. That's one good thing!

Well, things are not looking so hot for Alli to have a happy school year. Her Bible cla$$ is study....guess what!?!?!??!? The book of REVELATIONS! Needless to say, she is terrified. I have put it into her hands whether she speaks to her teacher or the head of student affairs about transferring to another cla$$ I will not do it for her---the doctor said it was important for her to be the one to make the choice and act on it. So we'll have to wait and see.

She seems to enjoy the other cla$$es and seeing her friends though she is a little hesitant with smiles and hugs. I am keeping the fingers crossed and the prayers going 24/7. He med dr is considering adding another type of med to her 'cocktail' that has been show to help treatment resistant OCD with anxiety and feelings/behaviors associated with it. We can't get an appt until Aug 28. Oh well.

On the other hand, Boy is doing quite well. He is in all honors cla$$es--except math. Complains about the amount of homework but does it. He seems to enjoy 7th grade and getting back in touch with all his friends. He has grown like a weed. He is 2 in. taller than me, weighs 110 lbs and his shoe size is larger than his Dad's!

Hubster and I are hanging in there; though it is tough at times. We are trying to run the house like usual and not recognize the 'mopes' or other odd behaviour. In fact the psychologist said part of her problem is that she wants to draw me in to her problem and that I should avoid it at all cost. So, it hurts like hell to watch and do nothing but......I've told her, when she needs to talk or is ready to talk, I am here. It's up to her to broach the subject.

Well, that's all for now. Please keep the huggles, warm thought & wishes, and prayers coming. We really need them by the tons.

Love and miss you!

Susan

Hey Guys & Gals!

How goes it in tv.com land? I've been meaning to update you on things but......Alli spent last week keeping teachers children while the school got ready for the new year. Not hard work; but, it occupied her. She's had a few mini-panic attacks but only one major one. She is reading alot now--into Rick Riordon's series about Greek Mythology, some Meg Cabot and, of course, Manga comics. Her second Kempo cla$$ did not go well. She picked up a stomach bug somewhere and 15 min. into cla$$--she blew. She ran a low grade fever all day but I pushed the fluids and she seemed fine by Sunday.

Went to church yesterday and she actually sang a couple of songs and listened to the sermon. It's a definite improvement over the last couple of weeks. She is home by herself right now--I am at work--and I called and she sounded very happy and upbeat. We have an appt with the therapist today and another Kempo (Martial Arts) cla$$ tonight---hopefully she doesn't get sick again.

I think she is both excited and nervous about school starting but more excited. We went and got her new uniforms and she's gone up a size!!!!! Yeah! She has an appt with the Dr. on the 28th and he may add a new medication and stop 2 others. I am putting my faith in God and the doctors He has provided for us. I am still highly strung; but, I know there is nothing more I can do. The choices to turn the hard corner and face the problem is Alli's. I just keep asking the Lord to look after her and let her know he is there for her. Oh, she is now listening to Narnia on cd too.

Anywho, I just wanted to let you know that things are doing a little better. I just remind myself, baby steps! Please keep your warm wishes, thoughts and prayers coming. They really do help. I love you guys and reading you replies brightens my days. Thanks for being my friends and AIC. Sassy, I did this yellow just for you!

LOVE YOU!!!!

Susan

PS--Copy and paste this link and you can see Alli and BF in their Konan and Itachi costumes. They are the 10th picture. BF really has blonde hair--it's a wig. He even let us paint his fingernails & toenails. HA HA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QokEwDxa7zU

Well, Mechacon has come and gone. Alli had a blast. She, BF and friend thoroughly enjoyed themselves. She dressed as Konan and BF was Itachi. Friend was a character from Orin Host Club. They went to the dances--and stayed out till 1 am! She was major bummed when it was time to come home. Oh well.

On the vet front, she won't be going back. They did a necropsy on Thursday and it totally freaked her out. I spoke with the vet and he said this really wasn't her bag. She didn't like the blood and the dogs intimidated the hell out of her. So.... She will be working at her school this week and a few days next week watching the teachers kids while they do in-services and prep for school. Her BF's sister is in charge and will help her aclimate. Cross your fingers. It's from 8 to 3 everyday and it puts her with people--some she even knows. I think it will be better for her.

She started martial arts today and really seemed to enjoy herself. She likes punching things. I hope it sticks. It should give her a great sense of accomplishment, personal power, and improve her self esteem.

We went to the doctor today--which she hated and she told him so. He laughed and said "Good! I'll take that over nothing anyday of the week." We talked about growing up, taking more responsibility for herself, her schooling and her life in general. Talked about college and going away. It seemed a positive meeting.

Keep the warm thoughts and prayers coming we have a long way to go. I have set up a meeting with the school student admin, school councilor and her religion teacher to discuss the problem and what we can do to help her. Her school is sooooo supportive. It is amazing.

That's it from here y'all. I am doing better. Getting sleep and stressing a little less. It helps that she is getting out of the house. She is also doing things she used to do: listen to the iPod, dance, sing, get giddy. Just keep the prayers and thoughts coming---PLEASE!

Love you all to pieces!

Well, here's the latest. Yesterday was a good day. She had a good time at the vets and we went to the game store and she found a new "Guild Wars" game to play. She went out and rode her bike (yeah--she'd been worried about having another panic attack on it). She played her game and went to Youth with her friend. She seemed very upbeat. I am thankful. I know the thoughts still lurk under the surface but she faced the bike so that's a start.

Also, she is taking her iPod to Mechacon and planning on listening to it. This is another step forward. She hasn't listened to it since the first Panic Attack. There are some songs she wants to take off and others she wants to add. I am taking this as a good sign.

We still have a long way to go; but, she seems to be starting to fight back a little more. We leave for the Mechacon convention tomorrow and will be gone all weekend. Her BF and best friend are coming with us so.......We go back to the doctor on Monday and we'll see. Also, she was really interested in the Karate cla$$ so I am going to talk to the instructor to see if we can 'try it for a week' to make sure she is really interested. School starts in 2 weeks so we'll see how she handles that too.

I want to thank you all again for being here for us. It means a lot. I just wish you could all be here in RL. Keep the warm fuzzies and prayers coming. They are helping a lot.

LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!

Suz

Well, it's been a rough 24 hours. We've been doing what the doctor said to do and letting her make her choices. Last night, she looked really down and I asked her why. She finally said that she didn't like living like this all the time. She was afraid it would always be this way and she'd never be happy again. I reassured her and told her what the Bible said that she was never alone He was always there ready to help whenever she needed it. She said she was afraid of the panic attacks especially the first one cuz it led to more and now she was as afraid of them as the thoughts. That sometimes she couldn't tell which were her own thoughts--That really scared me. She was even worried about dying her hair blue today. It just breaks my heart to see this. I told her this is what the doctor was trying to get her to understand that until she talks about it, it wasn't going to get better. That's why we were trying to get her to talk so that the fear could be confronted. I also told her she needs to fight--harder than she ever has and I know she can do it.

Please say extra prayers. This is a very rough time. She's trying to do it all herself with no help and it is slowly cracking her down. I told her I am always here to talk whenever she's ready to talk. I won't laugh or make fun. I just want to help her. I also pointed to 2 books on her nightstand that could help her fight these thoughts. She was shaky today but did the hair----and loved it! She is out with BF at movie and then coming home. I hope she is happier tonight than last night.

Thanks for letting me vent. I am just scared for her. She is so fragile right now. On the plus side, we did interview the Karate school she is interested in and she seemed really excited about it. SO......

Please keep the prayers and warm thoughts coming our way. It's keeping us going.

Love, Susan

Well guys it has been another tough day. 2 attacks and a doctor's appt. Alli is not a happy girl today. The doctor has basically told her the ball is in her court. She has to reach out. We are here for her; but, we can't force her to accept it. So, we can give encouragement and, when she is ready, listen and offer advice. But, no more pushing and no more tip-toeing around her. We are to start treating her just like we did before this occurred and enforce the regular house rules.

He did reassure me that she is not destructive just very reluctant to face her problem. He told me I am doing all the right things and that my anxiety stems from natural parental concerns about a child's well being. It really helps to hear that. She is hanging in but a bit depressed today. I am trying to just go back to being myself and over-look the eating thing. Hubster is kind of reaching the end of his rope and I am not helping there either. I wish I could relax more and I am going to put forth the effort more for him. I love that man!

He is out with a friend tonight going to the "End of the Month Block Party" in town to look at cars, drink some beers and have a guys night out. He really needs it. Boy is being Boy. He too is getting tired of having to defer to Alli and he should. He needs some more Mom time and I am going to make sure he gets it.

Please keep the positive thoughts and prayers coming. We really need it right now. Love you and thank you all!

Hey Everyone.

I am alone this evening at a friend's house dog sitting---been doing it for a week with Alli, and sometimes Boy, in tow. It's been stressful. She likes the vets and seems to really enjoy the animals. She says the cats are the best. It was a bad day today. Her "monthly friend" came to visit. Mom had to "push" and she was tired from work. But it picked up towards the end.

Tomorrow, she has to start a book report that is due the first day of school and she isn't happy about it; but, she wants to go to a movie with the Boyfriend and visit her other friend so..... No vet on Friday so she gets to sleep later---She's happy about that. Have to go see the doctor---not happy about that.

Momma Suz is hanging in there. The meds seem to be working but still not sleeping well. The doc has given me two things to try and neither gives me more than 4 hours but that's better than nothing so I am grateful. I do manage to take an hour snooze in the afternoon and that helps. I am hoping once I get home to my own bed, sleep will be better.

Thank you guys again. Your messages really pick me up in my down moments. Thanks for being such good friends.

I LOVE YOU!!!

Hey Everyone!

Sorry it's been a while. Things here have been hectic. Alli is doing......alright. The doctor upped one of her meds and this seems to help her fall asleep. He also told her to take some during the day to deal with the panic attacks. Mom is to increase her meds and take something to sleep. Mommy has not been sleeping well and this doesn't help with her attitude or outlook.

Alli started at the vets yesterday and she liked it. She is back again today and tomorrow. She gets Friday off. She is opening up a little bit---and I do mean l-i-t-t-l-e bit. But something is better than nothing. She's started to sing a little to the radio and catch lizards so...... I, according to the doctor, am to talk to her about the problem/changes in her behavior because of it once a day. It is a confrontation neither one of us likes and makes both our anxiety levels max out. But it's what we are suppose to do.

She is still eating and drinking--a little less when the anxiety over-takes her; but,,......

Please keep the thoughts and prayers coming--We need everything we can get. Please add Boy and Hubster to the list. They are being so understanding, patient and compassionate.

Love you!

Hey friends!

Things here are still hectic; but, there is a light. Alli is beginning to eat & drink more. Her attitude is more upbeat than down. She still has panic attacks---but mini ones. She seems better but still unwilling to discuss certain subjects. The doctor deals with that. I am doing better myself. My meds are beginning to kick in and I am letting go of certain controls on the Brat----it is really, really hard!

She goes to meet the Vet tomorrow, tour the facility and find out what she will be doing. I hope she enjoys herself. She has been too much alone for her own good. Please keep the warm thoughts and prayers coming. They really are helping and are very important to both of us. My son is very worried about his sister---I had to explain what is going on. He is being extra-good for me cuz he knows Mom is stressed. I reassure him daily that I love him as much as Alli and that he is my best boy.

That's it for now.

Love you!!

I just want to take this moment to thank all of you for your words of comfort, hope, support and love. Alli seems to be improving---her mood is better 70% of the time and she is eating---even if I have to remind her sometimes.

We still have a long way to go; however, I am hopeful. She is going to start volunteering 2 days a week for 4-5 hours a day at a local veteranary (I spell horribly)clinic. The Doctor agrees that she needs to get out more. I hope she enjoys it. The Vet was thrilled to hear she wanted to volunteer. Well, gotta go be Mom.

Keep the thoughts and prayers coming we aren't out of the woods yet.

Love you all!

PS--On the computer front, looks like it's gonna be a while till we get the new one. $1500 is a bit steep. But, it looks like the Mac has won.

Hey all you wonderful, caring sweet, kind-hearted friends. Just wanted to update you on Brat. She is on medication; but, it is going to take a while for it to kick in full force. She is really scared; but, she is trying her best to fight her fear. The dr. said she seemed better today than at her last visit. I am trying to stay positive; but, it is hard. I am having to take medication again to control my anxiety. I'll try to keep you updated as time goes on. Just keep up those happy thoughts and prayers for Brat. By the way, Brat's real name is Alli.

As for the computer issue, we are probably getting a Mac. It runs faster, doesn't get viruses, and does more. Hubster is talking to the store tomorrow or next week. Cross your fingers!

Oh, just in case you thought I'd forgotten,

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Borrowing the neighbor's computer again for a sec just to update you on my computerless status. It is now official, OUR HARD DRIVE IS KAPUT! This means we have to order a new computer. So, it doesn't look like I'll have internet any time soon. I miss the dickens out of all of you. My dear AIC, I hope you are behaving and being nice to each other. I'd hate to get back and find out differently, Grounding isn't fun!

On a different note, A SERIOUS ONE, I really need you all to keep Brat in your thoughts and minds! She is going thru something really bad right now. We are doing what the doctors order; but, prayer and good wishes never hurt. So please, pray/think happy, healing thoughts for her.

Gotta go! Love you all!

Suz

NEWS FLASH!!!!

I am not dead! However, my main computer is. I am at the neighbor begging a few moments of online time. Our hard drive crashed and there goes the internet. We have been technologically in the dark since July 3. We don't know when the problem will or can be fixed. Hubster is taking CPU to work and having his tech people look at it; but, from what we've found from friends and internet scans at the library, it doesn't look good. In fact, it looks like our hard drive is in the process of totally crapping out. So, that means a new computer---oh joy and rapture.

I just wanted to tell you hi and let you know I am not leaving tv.com!!!!!

Love you