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• 9Jun 09

  A Weekend Spent Playing The Sims 3 (Or, The Hobo Spy Chronicles)

  I spent a good chunk of this weekend playing The Sims 3. Here's the story of my character.

  Big Hank McLeary started life as a hobo--and by that I mean I created someone with shaggy hair, a beard, and tattered clothes--but with a keen sense of logic and a respectable physique, he harvested dreams of becoming an international super spy.

  Big Hank decided Law Enforcement was the best career path to pursue if he wanted his dreams to come true. And so he joined on as a snitch, but his superiors soon learned this was no ordinary hobo. This was a hobo on a fast track to success. Big Hank flew up the ladder of law enforcement, moving from patrol officer to detective and beyond.

  Big Hank was eventually faced with a decision, a fork in the road. Would he choose a path of forensic science, or a life of espionage? He'd never realized the path he'd chosen might offer another outcome. Still, it was an easy decision. It would be espionage. He always hated CSI.

  Big Hank put his full effort into moving up the career ladder, spending his night and weekends running on his treadmill and practicing chess to build up those traits which are most critical in the field of spy work. No TV, no idle slouching--every last moment of his time was dedicated to impressing his superior officers.

  But it was only a matter of time. Soon, Big Hank found love. Or should we say love found Big Hank. It all happened one Saturday morning while Big Hank was rummaging through his neighbor's trash to gather enough intel on them to write a basic police report--a convenient interesection between his present career and former life as a hobo.

  Her name was Jamie Jolie, a gorgeous, blonde trauma surgeon. She caught Big Hank rummaging through her garbage, but the pair quickly hit it off. They immediately fell in love and became engaged, eventually marrying in a private wedding ceremony in Big Hank's one-car garage (the life of a spy is a secretive one).

  The first day of marriage was wonderful, but the next day was not. Turns out, Jamie was one day away from her birthday, a milestone that would take her from adult to elderly. In other words, she got gray and old the day after the marriage. Big Hank was less than pleased.

  So Big Hank divorced her--an easy decision made easier when she clogged the toilet and neglected to clean it up--and threw himself back at his career. He eventually became a double agent, and soon, a triple agent. With no love life to distract him, Big Hank found his body and mind in peak condition. In fact, the local sports team even offered him the role of team superstar, bypassing the entire athletic process. He declined, naturally. His sights were still set on international super spy.

  Oh, but if it were only so easy. Once again, Big Hank found love. This time, it was Bella Bachelor that caught his eye on a jog through town. Sure, she hated art and was unemployed, but boy if she wasn't worlds hotter than his ex-wife. He proceeded to win her over using his wily charms. One morning after she clogged the toilet and immediately cleaned it up, he knew it was love. He proposed to her and married her right then and there in the bathroom.

  Still glowing from becoming a newly wed for a second time, Big Hank finally achieved the rank of international super spy. He came home to tell his wife the good news, which she countered with news of her own: Bella was pregnant. The two couldn't be happier. Big Hank may have been a womanizer during his younger years, but he was now ready to settle down.

  After reading through several pregnancy books, Big Hank was inspired to pen his own memoirs. He took all that time he'd normally spend running on the treadmill and diverted it toward pounding out his life's story in literary format. He toiled away in front of that computer for days, but the results were disappointing: the first volume of his tales of international intrigue turned out to be a flop.

  But Big Hank wouldn't give up. He soon threw himself into the second volume of his story. He refined his writing skills every chance he could, making sure this one wouldn't meet the same fate as the first.

  It worked. The second volume The Hobo Spy Chronicles went on to become a smash hit. He'd come so far from his days of hoboing around the city, collecting garbage and dreaming of being the next Jason Bourne or James Bond. Now, he was happily married with a baby on the way.

  And that was only one day of playing. Yeesh, this game could be the death of me.

  • Posted Jun 9, 2009 10:58 am PT
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• 5Jun 09

  Video Blog: The waning moments of E3 in the GameSpot booth

  I'm back home from Los Angeles, and before I sleep away the entire the weekend, I wanted to give you guys one last bit of behind-the-scenes access to our E3 coverage. Enjoy! It's a look at how everyone's doing right as the show was wrapping up.

  • Posted Jun 5, 2009 7:11 pm PT
  • Category: Editorial
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• 4Jun 09

  The only thing getting me through E3 is this...

  E3 has thus far been awesome, horrifying, and amazing all at once. My brain is absolutely fried. Caffeine has utterly failed me at this point. The only thing giving me energy right now is this image, which I snapped the other day at the Nintendo conference:

  

  There is nothing you can't love about this picture. Nothing!

  • Posted Jun 4, 2009 12:25 pm PT
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