If chickens had three legs, would they cross the road? If Pepsi and Coca Cola morphed into one super powered drink, what would it be called? If there was one universal system, would there be fanboys? If I asked another question, would you bother to read it? Probably not, which is why I'm going to stop asking questions now. Welcome to my blog, I know what you're thinking "This guy is a freakin' nut job" and you know what, you may have something there. Feel free to leave comments, PM me, and remember Have it Your Way. (This message was not made to sponsor Burger King in any way, if you fail to realize this go ask Burger King yourself, what you say can and will be held against you in the federal court of law) - From the Desktop of pspitus

• 2Dec 09

  A Zero's Tale- Chapter Five: The Wrath of Catherine

  Alright, by now I'm guessing all of you are tired of seeing my Halloween post, so I started thinking "Hey, why not post a new chapter of A Zero's Tale instead?" And lo and behold, here it is- the newest chapter of my EPIC story! I know it took me a while to write it, but I've been pretty busy lately, highschool is killer, and it'll either make you or break you! Anyways I hope you guys have fun reading it as much as I did writing it. Remember, there's a ZERO in all of us.

  Quick gaming update (that's what gamespot is about right?):

  Playing: Left 4 Dead 2, Borderlands, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

  Just finished: Rockband: Beatles (hopefully write a review)

  Next to Play: Brutal Legend, Dragon Age Origins

  Oh and happy VERY VERY LATE THANKSGIVING to everyone!

  A Zero's Tale
  
  Chapter 5: The Wrath of Catherine

  Characters involved:

  Jet E. Evil(pspitus)

  Red(red0584)

  Aidan(Aidan129)

  Blaze C. Ember(th3d3c3ption)

  Catherine

  (Song: Mario and Luigi Superstar Saga- Stardust Fields)
  
  Scene: Red and Aidan burst out of Catherine's Happily Ever After Outlet, panting and gasping for air. Sweat continues to trickle down their faces, perspiration rolls off their back like a stick of margarine butter. The intensive heat, and glaring sun causes them to breathe heavily. They notice Jet near the water fountain placing a pile of clothes into three separate cloth woven sacks. They quickly make their way over to him.
  
  Jet: [looks up and smiles] Oh, hey you guys, what took you so long?
  Red: [angrily] Where the hell were you!?
  Jet: [raises eyebrow] What are you talking about? I was here preparing our clothes.
  Aidan: Dude man, we almost got caught by that witch!
  Jet: Uhhh…..what?
  Red: [throws an angry look at Aidan] What he means is that Catherine almost caught us!
  Jet: [without paying attention] Yes, yes, that's nice.
  Red: [in disbelief] That's all you can say? That's nice!? Are you freakin' kidding me!
  Jet: [stares at Red with a grin] Calm down Red, you said she ALMOST caught you right?
  Red: Yeah….
  Jet: But technically she didn't catch you. [cheerfully] So therefore, there's nothing to worry about.
  Aidan: [agreeing] You know, he does have a point dude.
  Red: [slaps forehead with palm] Why do I even bother? Anyway, what was the signal?
  Jet: Well that's a dumb question. What do you think the signal was?
  Red: [eyes widen] Are you saying Blaze was the signal?
  Jet: [sarcastically] No, I'm saying that donkeys give birth to cows…Of course Blaze was the signal.
  Red: You could have given us a warning before hand.
  Aidan: Yeah dude, that Blaze guy kind of creeps me out.
  Jet: Well, I didn't really have a choice. [with shifty eyes] When I walked out of the store with the clothes he threatened to turn us into the town guards if I didn't let him help us. [sighs] He knew about our plan all along.
  Aidan: [confused] Wait a second bro, how did he even find out?
  Jet: Apparently he overheard us talking about our it when he was in the water fountain.
  Red: That bastard.
  Aidan: Okay, but why would he rat on us? It's not like we did anything to him.
  Jet: [shifts eyes towards Red]
  Aidan: [dumbfounded] Oh….yeah….right… [curious] Hold on, if he hates Red then why did he want to help us?
  Jet: Actually, [confessing] it was all part of this agreement I made with him.
  Red: Are you serious?
  Jet: I told him that if he helped us we would get him into the Sirania Castle Ball, and in exchange, he promised that he wouldn't report us to the guards.
  Red: You've got to be kidding me. [shakes head] Could this possibly get any worse?
  Aidan: Meh, probably dude, we could have Catherine chasing after us or something.

  (Song: The Legend of Dragoon- Boss Battle)

  [Blaze C. Ember bursts out of Catherine's Happily Ever After Outlet screaming in terror. Catherine steps out of the store- hatred and bloodlust envelops her once soothing face. She tightens her fist and charges after Blaze. Blaze notices Jet, Red, and Aidan, he attempts to run to them.]
  
  Blaze: [terrified] You guys, RUN! Catherine is coming!
  Jet: [annoyed] You idiot! Why did you bring her to us!?
  Blaze: I panicked okay! I didn't know what to do! [talking to himself] Good going Blaze, you ruined it for everyone! I don't need this from you Ember!
  
  [Catherine easily catches up to Blaze and quickly grabs the back of his head. She tightens her grip on his hair, and furiously pulls him down hard onto the ground. Jet, Red, and Aidan can hardly believe their eyes.]
  
  Jet: Ho-
  Red: -ly
  Aidan: Shi-
  
  [Catherine powerfully clutches Blaze's left leg, and picks him up like a feather.]
  
  Catherine: [furiously] This is what I'm going to do to you guys when I catch you!
  
  [Catherine tosses Blaze high into the air with ease. Blaze soars into the sky, unconscious and unaware of what's happening. A crowd starts to form around the shopping district. Many people watch with excitement, while others try to cover their eyes. The crowd of people begin whispering to themselves.]
  
  Young Man: Oh man, crazy Catherine is at it again!
  Boy: I can't bare to watch!
  Little girl: I hope there's more blood this time.
  Town Guard: I probably should be stopping this, but what am I suppose to do? She would rip me to shreds.
  Elderly woman: Catherine is as hot and feisty as ever.
  Woman: This is not going to end well.
  
  [As Blaze hurls back down to the Earth, Catherine extends her right leg backward. Before Blaze touches the ground, Catherine delivers a powerful kick to his gut and Blaze is sent tumbling towards the water fountain. Jet, Red, and Aidan quickly dodge the deadly projectile- Blaze crashes into the water fountain. The foundation of the water fountain is completely obliterated and water starts leaking out. The statues of Princess Courtney and Princess Jennifer, however, remain completely in tact. Blaze remains unconscious as he sits at the edge of the fountain, water flows down his body and disperses along the ground.]

  (Song: Lost Odyssey- A Mighty Enemy Appears)

  Catherine: [glaring at Jet, Red, and Aidan] You three are next! [pointing] I'm going to destroy you.
  Jet: We are so screwed.
  Aidan: [panicking] I don't want to die man, I'm too young and handsome to die!
  Jet: See Red, if you kept your girlfriend under control we wouldn't be in this mess.
  Red: Don't blame me, it was Aidan and his stupid love advice that got us here.
  Aidan: Uh, you guys, I don't think we have time to talk about that right now.
  
  [Catherine charges towards Jet, Red, and Aidan at lightning speed. Unaware of her surrounds, her eyes are filled with hatred and contempt. Like a lion stalking its prey she focuses entirely on them.]
  
  Red: [terrified] Oh my god, RUN!
  
  [Red starts sprinting towards the lower ****district, Aidan attempts to follow him but immediately stops.]
  
  Aidan: Wait dude, what about Blaze? We just can't leave him here.
  Jet: [tosses a sack of clothes to Aidan] Come on, were evil right? [picks up two sacks of clothes] Evil guys don't help others. Besides….[carries both sacks of clothes over his shoulders] I don't think you want to be stuck with Miss Psychopath over there.
  Aidan: [glances at Catherine] Yeah, you do have point.
  
  [Following Red, Jet and Aidan sprint towards the lower cl@ssdistrict. A subtle, yet pungent aroma fills the air. The streets are crowded with thousands of people, the alley ways are cramp and small. Many street vendors continue to shove their products into people's faces, poverty has taken its toll on the people in the area. Rats dangerously cross the streets, homeless children, forgotten dogs, hungry cats, all of them beg for food, and seek shelter. Jet, Red, and Aidan continue running through the lower cl@ss district, dodging people as they try to escape the wrath of Catherine.]
  
  Red: [panting] Is….*gasp* is she still following us?
  Aidan: [gasping] I don't know….*gasp* dude, but *gasp* I don't really want to find out.
  Jet: [dying from exhaustion] Wait you guys *gasp*, I need to *gasp* catch my breath. All this…..evilness….is slowing me down.
  Aidan: Dude, that's what you get for eating that pancake off the side of the street.
  Jet: [sarcastically] Well sooorry, how was I suppose to know that we would be running for our lives from some psychotic woman.
  
  [Red, and Aidan slow down, and Jet catches his breath. Suddenly, a watermelon the size of a tire slams into Jet's head. Jet hurls towards a nearby vegetable stand, and crashes right into it. Red and Aidan's jaws drop from astonishment.]
  
  Catherine: [glares at Red and Aidan] So you guys thought you could get away huh, well think again. [makes a cut throat expression with her right hand] You two are next….
  
  [Red, and Aidan quickly rush over to Jet's lifeless body. They immediately remove the various scraps of wood from the collapsed vegetable stand and approach Jet.]
  
  Jet: [weakly] Here you guys, take these with you. [hands Red and Aidan the two sacks of clothing]
  Aidan: Come on dude, we have to get going.
  Red: [worried] Yeah, were not leaving you. If Catherine catches you, you'll be sent to jail.
  Jet: [smiles] Come on, do you guys seriously think that I'm going to rot in some god forsaken prison? Come on, I'm Jet E. Evil remember? [coughs out blood] Just stick to the plan and everything will turn out okay….
  Aidan: [sadly] But dude….
  Jet: [losing consciousness] Remember…..
  Red: Come on, get up!
  Jet: [fading away] Stick to…..the plan…..[grins]
  
  [Jet passes out. Catherine continues to knock over peasants as she makes her way towards Red, and Aidan. Her relentless pursuit of revenge drives her forward. Red, and Aidan pick up the sacks of clothes near Jet's body and continue running deeper into the lower ****district.]
  
  Aidan: This isn't good bro, at this rate she's going to catch up to us.
  Red: [struggling] Damn it, my bag feels so heavy.
  Aidan: Really, my bag is pretty light.
  Red: [irritated] What the hell did he put in here? A rock?
  
  [Red removes the sack from his shoulder and carefully looks into the bag. Red finds ten boulders, the size of a fist, evenly layered on top of the clothes. He quickly removes the boulders from his bag.]
  
  Aidan: [snickering] Oh my god dude, hahahaha Jet totally got you.
  Red: [angered] That bastard! Even when he's about to pass out he still finds time to do something evil.
  Aidan: Now that's what I call dedication dude.
  Red: [shakes head] I swear, I think I'm surrounded by morons.
  
  [Red, and Aidan continue sprinting through the lower cl@ss district while dodging the incoming people. Catherine continues to inch closer, and closer with every step.]

  (Song: Kingdom Hearts II - VS Nobodies)
  
  Red: [scared] What are we going to do? At this rate she'll catch up to us in no time.
  Aidan: Oh, I know.
  
  [Aidan steals a plethora of bananas from oncoming street vendors.]
  
  Street Vendor #1: [furious] Hey what are you doing!?
  Street Vendor #2: [agitated] You better pay for that!
  Street Vendor #3: [angered] Get back here so I can kill you!
  Aidan: Sorry dudes, but this is a life or death emergency. But I promise to repay all of you someday! Who knows, maybe I'll date one of your daughters if you get lucky. [winks]
  Street Vendors(all): Get back here you filthy heretic!
  Aidan: [takes a bite out of a banana] Mmmmm….. delicious.
  Red: [in disbelief] Are you (insert word here) kidding me? What are you, stupid? We already have a psychotic (insert word here) chasing after us! Are you trying to get us killed?
  Aidan: Whoa, whoa, calm down bro. [holds up a banana towards Red] If you wanted one you could of just asked, no need to whip out the swear words dude.
  
  [Red snatches the banana from Aidan, and instantly shoves it down his pants.]
  
  Aidan: [confused] Uhhh…. dude did you just…..
  Red: WHAT!?
  Aidan: Ummm….. never mind….
  Red: So why exactly did you steal all of those bananas?
  Aidan: Alright, check this out dude. One time I heard from this guy, who knew this guy, who met this other guy, who dated this other guy's sister, who….
  Red: [interrupts] For god's sake just get to the point…
  Aidan: Okay, have you ever heard of…..[pauses for dramatic effect] The Banana Slide?
  Red: No, and I honestly don't care.
  Aidan: [with pride] It's an old prank dude. Seen it plenty of times myself. Just slip a banana peel in front of someone, and whoop there he goes, or…..[chuckles] there she goes in this case.
  Red: Does it actually work?
  Aidan: Just watch and learn.
  
  [Aidan unpeels a banana. He hands the banana to Red, and throws the banana peel onto the ground.]
  
  Red: Why did you give me the banana?
  Aidan: Well, you can't just go and waste food bro, it's just not right.
  Red: Not right? I thought we were suppose to be an evil organization?
  Aidan: Hey man, it was Jet who taught me not to waste food, don't get your panties in a bunch dude.
  Red: Jet? [sighs] That idiot.
  
  [Aidan and Red look back and watch as Catherine steps on the banana peel. She easily maneuvers past it. Aidan's jaw drops wide open, and Red quickly smacks him on the back of the head.]
  
  Red: You retard What were you thinking?
  Aidan: [panicking] Wait…ummm…maybe there has to be more banana peels for it to work.
  
  [Aidan furiously unpeels several bananas. He immediately shoves the bananas into Red's mouth, and drops the peels onto the ground.]
  
  Red: [choking on bananas] Sto….p….I can't……eat…..anymore….
  
  [Aidan looks back, and Catherine continues to follow them like a ravaging bull- the banana peels don't seem to be having an effect! Aidan unpeels twenty more bananas, and shoves all of them into Red's windpipe. He drops all of the peels onto the ground, but Catherine runs past them like they're nothing.]
  
  Red: [trying hard to eat all of the bananas] Oh…..my…..god…..
  Aidan: It's not working dude!
  Red: [feeling nauseous] I think, I'm going to…..throw up….
  Aidan: Red, come on, she's gaining on us!
  Red: [slowing down] My stomach hurts, I don't think I can run anymore.
  
  [Red comes to a complete stop, drops onto one knee, and holds onto his stomach. Aidan stops running and decides to check up on Red. A grotesque growl emerges from the pit of Red's stomach.]
  
  Aidan: Dude….I think you have a stomach ache. [shakes head] You shouldn't have eaten all of those bananas.
  Red: [glares at Aidan] Screw……you…..
  
  [Aidan watches as Catherine draws closer with every step.]
  
  Aidan: Ummm…. I think I'm going to go now.
  Red: [irritated] Whatever. Get out of here you moron. You better at least follow up with Jet's plan.
  Aidan: Don't I always?
  
  [Aidan helplessly runs away, and Catherine soon catches up with Red. With her right hand, Catherine latches onto Red's head and pummels his face straight into the ground. Red starts to lose consciousness. As his eyes begin to shut he can faintly see Aidan running frantically through the lower cl@ssdistrict- dropping bananas behind him.]

  • Posted Dec 2, 2009 9:29 pm PT
  • Category: Writing
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• 31Oct 09

  Trick and Treat, Kiss My Wii, Give Me Something Good To Steal- Happy Halloween..

  Mwahahaha.... It's that time of year again where toilet paper mummies rise from their bathrooms, where superheros like Spiderman and Batman have little offspring running around, where multiple Hannah Montanahs scavange through the neighborhood...this is Halloween.

  Actually that isn't Hallowwen......THIS IS HALLOWEEN! (See, I even made sure it was the "Sing-a-Long" version for you guys :twisted

  For Halloween this year I'm going to start off my day playing Ghostbusters (hopefully finishing it), watch a couple of horror type Disney movies (too much of a chicken to watch anything SCARY), and finish the day off with.....*drum roll please*..... Trick or Treating! Yaaay!!! Well, technically I'm not trick or treating, I'm actually going to bring my little gremlin cousins trick or treating. But same thing right? Besides, I think I would be doing the world a favor by not wearing any tight superhero outfits, hahaha, whoops I mean mwahahaha!!!

  Man I've been using this quite a bit in this blog huh? I just can't seem to stop using this emoticon. Must be a pspitus' Halloween Tradition!

  Anyways, to all my toilet paper mummies, Spidermen, Spiderwomen, and Hannah Montannahs out there. Oh and of course Shiki (you know who you are)

  I would like to wish all of you a Merry Ch- I mean a

  HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

  

  • Posted Oct 31, 2009 9:06 am PT
  • Category: Other
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• 18Oct 09

  A Zero's Tale- Chapter Four: A Lesson in Love

  I know it's been a while since my last chapter, but I haven't really had much time to work on the story because of school. Anyways I hope you guys enjoy the latest installment of A Zero's Tale. Thank you for the support, and remember that there's a Zero in all of us hahaha!!!

  Characters involved:

  Jet E. Evil (pspitus)

  Aidan (Aidan129)

  Red (red0584)

  th3d3c3ption (Blaze C. Ember)

  Catherine

  A Zero's Tale

  Chapter Four: A Lesson in Love

  Song- Wild Arms: Port Town Theme
  
  Scene: Inside of Catherine's Happily Ever After Outlet. The store is filled with a plethora of formal attire from top hats to ballroom dresses. On the walls are rows upon rows of various clothes all alphabetized based on the location from where they were acquired. The rows themselves are organized to showcase the different outfit sizes, with the bottom row being the smallest and the top most row being the largest. There are circular marble clothing racks dispersed within the store towering above like Greek temple columns- the whole store itself is similar to that of a labyrinth. Jet, Aidan, and Red walk into the store with a sense of excitement boiling in their blood.
  
  Aidan: Oh-
  Red: My-
  Jet: God-
  
  [Jet, Aidan, and Red look at each other with astonishment.]
  
  Aidan: Dude this place is freakin' huge!
  Red: It's like a maze full of clothes.
  Jet: I've heard that this place was big, but [short pause] God this is ridiculous. I don't even know where to begin.
  Aidan: Let's just jack some shi-
  Red: [interrupting] Or we could talk to the store clerk or something.
  Jet: [agrees] Yeah, that's probably the best idea. We should find the right clothes first before we make our next move.
  Red: Alright then, let's get going.
  
  [Jet, Aidan, and Red begin roaming around the seemingly endless maze of clothes when they come across the store clerk sitting at her marble topped desk. It is a young woman around her early twenties- she's wearing a black and red dress that seems to have come straight out of a cosplay magazine. Her dark brown eyes, silky black hair, and luscious figure captures Red's heart. A drop of sweat rolls down Red's forehead.]
  
  Jet: [looks at Red with a huge grin] So, you think she's hot?
  Red: [glares at Jet, angered] What are you talking about?
  Aidan: C'mon bro, you can't fool us. We know that you know that I know that you're in love dude.
  Red: Shut up.
  Jet: [thinking] Hmmm….. you know, this might actually work.
  Red: What are you talking about?
  Jet: Don't worry Red, [gives a thumbs up] I'll break the ice.
  Red: What are you talking about?
  Jet: It's an expression, sort of like, you know, "Break a Leg"
  Aidan: [shakes head] Dude man, that's just wrong.
  Jet: [stares at Aidan with disbelief then glances at Red] Anyway, leave the introductions to me. I'll hook you up.
  
  [Jet approaches the young woman while Aidan and Red idly watch in the distance.]
  
  Jet: Excuse me miss.
  Young Woman: [looks up from her desk, smiling] Hello, how may I help you?
  Jet: Oh yes, me and my good friends here are looking for formal clothes to wear to the annual Sirania Castle's 17th Annual Ball.
  Young Woman: [looks at Jet from top bottom] If you ask me, [with a flirty tone] I think you would look good in anything.
  
  [Jet's heart skips a beat, he quickly tries to change the subject.]
  
  Jet: [nervously] So…ummm… miss….uhhhh
  Young Woman: Call me Catherine, Catherine Aldehide.
  Jet: Ummm…. sooo Catherine, do you have any suggestions for which clothes we should wear?
  Catherine: Oh yes, of course. But first I need to take your measurements.
  Jet: Alright.
  
  [Catherine takes Jet's measurements from his shoulder length, to his waist size, down to his leg height. As she slowly runs her measuring stick around his body, Red's fists begin to tighten.]
  
  Aidan: Oh my god dude, I wish I was in Jet's position right now.
  Red: [pulls out Charizard flyer and begins twisting it with anger] That bastard!
  Aidan: C'mon dude, chill out.
  Red: I'm going to murder him!
  Aidan: [laughing] Never thought you were the jealous type.
  Red: [furious] I'm not jealous.
  Aidan: [with a silly grin] Yeah you are dude, just look at yourself.
  Red: [throws Charizard flyer at Aidan's face] You know what, screw you!
  
  [Red quickly walks over to Jet and interrupts Catherine's measuring procedure.]
  
  Red: [suppressing his anger] If you'll excuse us miss, I need to talk to my friend real quick.
  Catherine: Alright, no problem.
  
  [Red quickly jerks Jet's arm and pulls him away from Catherine.]
  
  Red: What the hell are you doing man!?
  Jet: Listen, I can explain.
  Red: Explain what exactly? How you're seducing the very girl that you said you were going to hook me up with?
  Jet: Wait, it's all misunderstanding.
  Red: [irritated] Oh no, I think I understood that measuring stick quite well.
  Jet: Will you calm down. She came onto me okay. [places hand on Red's shoulder] But don't worry, you'll be hooked up with this girl before we leave this store. I promise.
  Red: [sighs] Okay, fine. But it's my turn for measurements.
  
  [Catherine continues recording her measurements for Red and Aidan. She then tells Jet that everyone's clothing sizes are located near the store entrance along the wall.]
  
  Jet: Thank you for your help.
  Catherine: It was my pleasure. [winks]
  Jet: Yeah, so… [takes a quick look at Red] what do you think of my friend over there. [points at Red]
  Catherine: [examines Red closely] I wouldn't know, I've never talked to him.
  Jet: Well you should.
  Catherine: Why?
  Jet: Why not?
  Catherine: [with a seductive smile] Why would I if I can talk to you instead?
  Jet: [whispers to himself] Freak, this girl just doesn't quit.
  Catherine: Come again?
  Jet: Oh nothing, anyways I think you should meet my friend Red, he's a really ummm….. interesting guy once you get to know him.
  Catherine: Okay, that's fine.
  
  [Jet quickly walks over to Red and Aidan. He explains the situation.]

  Song- Persona 4: Backside of TV
  
  Jet: [quietly] Alright you guys I need you to listen. Here's the plan. While I go "borrow" some formal clothes for us to wear I'm going to need you [looks at Red] to distract Catherine, and you [looks at Aidan] to give Red some moral support.
  Red: Wait, why do I have to talk to her? [looks at Aidan with disgust] And why do I have to listen to him?
  Aidan: [with confidence] C'mon dude, I'm the love guru, I know everything and anything there is to know about girls.
  Jet: Yup, you may think he's a complete moron but when it comes to women this guy here knows his stuff. And besides, remember I promised you that you would get hooked up with the girl.
  Red: But you never said that Aidan would be the one to help me. I thought you were going to do it.
  Jet: Technically all I said was that you were going to get hooked up with her. I never specifically said who would help you. [smiles] Anyway Aidan is way more capable of giving love advice than me.
  Red: Are you sure?
  Jet: I'm [coughs] positive.
  Red: Wait a second why did you just cough?
  Jet: Oh nothing, just coming down with a cold.
  Red: [raises an eyebrow] Right….
  Jet: So you know the plan?
  Red and Aidan: [nod heads] Yeah.
  Jet: Alright, I'll go get the clothes, you two do your best to distract her for as long as you can. When I'm done I'll give the signal.
  Aidan: Wait a second dude, what's the signal?
  Jet: [grins] Don't worry you'll see.
  
  [Jet rushes off towards the entrance of the store and begins gathering various amounts of formal attire. Meanwhile Red and Aidan discuss their plan to distract Catherine.]
  
  Red: [with sarcasm] Alright Mr. Love Guru, how are we going to do this?
  Aidan: [laughs] Hahaha, don't sweat it bro I've got it all figured out.
  
  [Aidan picks up the Charizard flyer off the ground, folds it, and makes it into a cup. He then uses the Cheese-ZITS box he kept back at the junkyard and makes another cup as well. He tears a long thread of material from his shirt, and connects it to the bottom of both of the cups.]
  
  Aidan: [with pride] Check this out dude! [holds up both of the cups to Red]
  Red: What the hell is that suppose to be?
  Aidan: It'll help us communicate with each other from a distance.
  Red: How?
  Aidan: I learned this from one of my friends. [raises the Cheese-ZITS cup] See, I talk through here. [raises the Charizard flyer cup] And you listen from here.
  Red: [grabs Charizard flyer] Hmmm….. does it work?
  Aidan: [talking into the Cheese-ZITS cup] I don't know, can you hear me?
  Red: [nods head] Wow it actually works.
  Aidan: And to top it all off. [grabs a top hat from a nearby rack, places hat on Red's head]
  Red: [looks at Aidan with confusion] What are you doing?
  Aidan: [takes the Charizard flyer cup and puts in underneath Red's top hat, talks into Cheese ZITS cup.] Can you still hear me?
  Red: [listening] Yeah I can hear you. [impressed] Wow Aidan, maybe you're not as dumb as you look.
  Aidan: [confidently] C'mon dude, never underestimate the love guru.
  Red: [curious] By the way, why did you keep that Cheese-ZITS box?
  Aidan: To smell it of course.
  Red: [sarcastically] Yeah, of course, how did I not know that?
  Aidan: Anyways dude, let's get this started. I'll stay back here, and give you directions through this cup. Just listen to what I say and this girl of yours will be all over you.
  Red: I don't know man, what if she suspects something.
  Aidan: C'mon bro, have you ever played a dating sim?
  Red: No.
  Aidan: [explaining] Well it's just like that. Me and my fifty other girlfriends always use to play that game. They would give me a bunch of pickup lines to choose from, and all I had to do was pick the right one that they liked in order to get points. [smiles] If I earned enough points they would then make out with me.
  Red: And why do I care?
  Aidan: The same rules apply dude. Just listen to what I say, and do what I say. The rest will follow. Trust in the love guru.
  
  [Red walks over to Catherine who is idly sitting by. He tries to strike up a conversation.]

  Song- Mario and Luigi Partners in Time: Boss Battle
  
  Red: [nervously] So…..my name is Red.
  Catherine: Oh I know that, your friend Jet already told me about you. [sighs] Do you know if he has a girlfriend?
  Aidan (through cup): Uh oh, danger, danger, quick change the subject. Umm….tell her she's a hot tamale.
  Red: [having difficulty understanding] You're a hot tomato.
  Catherine: What are you talking about?
  Aidan (through cup): Tell her she's a sexy beast.
  Red: Uhhh….. you're a sexy beast.
  Catherine: [confused] Okay, ummm….thank you?
  
  [Sweat begins to trickle down Red's neck, he knows that this isn't going to end well.]
  
  Aidan (through cup): Ask her if she has a boyfriend.
  Red: Do you have a boyfriend by any chance?
  Catherine: No, why do you ask?
  Aidan (through cup): Tell her, "Baby, is that a banana peel cus I've fallen for you"
  Red: [talking to Aidan] What are you, stupid? That's not going to work.
  Catherine: Come again?
  Red: Oh nothing, nothing.
  Aidan (through cup): Tell her, "I'm like a piece of cheese and you're like a meat patty- I want to melt all over you."
  Red: [talking to Aidan] Will you quit it, you're not helping.
  Catherine: Is something wrong?
  
  [Red can hear Aidan laughing through the cup hysterically.]
  
  Aidan (through cup): [still trying to recover from laughter] Phew, sorry about that bro, I couldn't help myself. [regains composure] Let's get serious here.
  Red: [shakes head in disbelief] Idiot.
  Aidan (through cup): Tell her, "Catherine, from the moment I met you, I knew you were the one…."
  Red: [complying] Catherine, I want you to know, that from the moment I met you, I knew you were the one….
  Catherine: [listening carefully] Yes…..
  Aidan (through cup): [trying to contain his laughter] "….that would start a party in my pants."
  Red: …..that would start a party in my pants.
  Catherine: [disgusted] What is wrong with you?
  Red: No wait, I'm sorry. [flustered] I don't know what I'm saying.
  Catherine: [annoyed] Obviously, Jet said you were an interesting person, but I didn't think he meant that you were a complete nut job.
  Red: Look, okay. [takes a deep breath] I really like you….
  Catherine: [calms down] Go on.
  Red: I've had feelings for you since I first laid eyes on you.
  Catherine: [interested] Yes.
  Red: I can't explain it, but I have this uncontrollable urge deep down inside of me.
  Aidan (through cup): [dying from laughter] Hahaha!
  
  [Catherine slaps Red in the face and he falls hard on his butt. The top hat rolls onto the floor revealing the Charizard flyer cup.]
  
  Catherine: You're an idiot you know that.
  Red: Wait, let me explain, that came out wrong.
  Aidan (through cup): [still dying from laughter] What came out wrong? Hahaha!!!
  Catherine: [stares at the cup on the floor] And what is that?
  
  [Catherine picks up the cup off the floor and notices a long string attached to it. She gently tugs on the string and realizes that there's something at the other end of it. She pulls it hard, Aidan lets go of his cup and falls onto the ground.]
  
  Aidan: Uh-oh, busted.
  Catherine: [furious] BOTH OF YOU GET OUT OF MY STORE!
  Red: [stands up and places hand on her shoulder] Please, let me explain.
  Catherine: [shoves Red back onto the ground] GET OUT NOW! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE ANY OF YOUR FACES AGAIN!
  Aidan: Even my good looking face?
  Catherine: [at the top of her lungs] GET OUT! [looking around] And where's that other friend of yours, [angered] I have a few words to say to him.
  
  [Suddenly Blaze C. Ember bursts into the store.]

  Song: Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wild Pokemon Battle)
  
  Blaze: [desperate] Save the Charizards, we need to save them! Their species is dying! Help me! Please!
  Catherine: [annoyed] And who is this suppose to be, another one of your friends?
  Red: No, not really.
  Blaze: [notices Red and Aidan] Oh, my friends. [rushes over to them] How are you guys doing?
  Catherine: [throws an evil glare at Red] As you were saying?
  Red: [trying to remember Blaze's name] Oh, ummm hey uhhhh….
  Blaze: You don't remember me? I'm Blaze C. Ember. The Charizard Savior.
  Aidan: [laughing to himself] Oh course we remember you bro. You're that crazy dude.
  Blaze: [shakes Catherine's hand violently] Will you help me save the Charizards miss? [talking to himself] No you have to be more assertive, how many times do I have to tell you? Listen to me Ember I know what I'm doing. Yeah I know what you're doing. You're being crazy that's what you're doing. Be quiet. I can say whatever I want.
  Catherine: [pulls hand away from Blaze] Let go of me you weirdo!
  Blaze: [grabs Catherine's hand again] Miss, you have to help me. The Charizards need us. Help me or else I'll destroy your store! You can't do that. Yes I can. Stop it. No YOU stop it.
  Red: [whispers to Aidan] We should get out of here while we still have a chance.
  Aidan: [agrees] Yeah no kidding dude, let's get out of here.
  
  [As Blaze continues talking to Catherine, Red and Aidan make their way to the store entrance unnoticed.]

  • Posted Oct 18, 2009 8:33 pm PT
  • Category: Writing
  • 12 Comments
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